DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.

Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.

Why should the girl martyr herself to attend a 5yr olds party with her 5yr old friends? The parents are the hosts and should do all the work. This isn’t a family gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.

Since you “value family” so much, why don’t you care about your 17 yo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.

Why should the girl martyr herself to attend a 5yr olds party with her 5yr old friends? The parents are the hosts and should do all the work. This isn’t a family gathering.

LOL. I think this might be what Louis CK called “top-shelf” words…

[Anonymous]

I think it's a fair expectation to go to a cousin's birthday party, if that's what's done in DH's family. It's once a year and yes, it is more important than a sporting event which presumably happens several times over a season. Extended family is important, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should go if she doesn’t have another commitment. Man, teenagers can be so difficult. Little kids love having big kids at their parties. We just had our DC’s 5th birthday yesterday and our 14 yo played with all the kids and the little kids genuinely loved it. It’s a little bratty for her to refuse to go, imo.

Irrelevant.

It’s only irrelevant if your bratty teenager doesn’t care about her extended family lol!

[Anonymous]

If it was just family, yes, she should go.

If it's a bunch of unrelated 5 year olds there to celebrate the birthday, I would not require the teenager to go -- unless the whole family is requested to be present to wrangle all the five year olds, not just the 16 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should go if she doesn’t have another commitment. Man, teenagers can be so difficult. Little kids love having big kids at their parties. We just had our DC’s 5th birthday yesterday and our 14 yo played with all the kids and the little kids genuinely loved it. It’s a little bratty for her to refuse to go, imo.

Irrelevant.

It’s only irrelevant if your bratty teenager doesn’t care about her extended family lol!

Projection at its finest. You don’t care about your own older child, and favor the 5 yo spoiled brat.

I feel bad for your 14 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The party is at my sister-in-law's house.

She's also miserable because she ends up babysitting a bunch of younger kids. Our other niece who is a teenager will not be there. We see them often so it's not like a rare occasion or anything.

She’s 16

Your husband wants to look good by offering his daughter as free labor and pretending that he’s raised such a family oriented kid that this is no big deal.

She does all the work and he gets all the credit.

It’s past time you stand up for your kid. If he makes her go, tell her to not do anything extra. She’s a guest. She’s not a babysitter. And she especially shouldn’t be doing more work than your husband. Tell her to take a page out of every lazy dad’s playbook and “go to the bathroom” whenever there’s a demand for kid wrangling. Stay there for at least 30 minutes (or if there’s only one bathroom just stand outside the door and take her time coming back.) Also give her permission to take a “call” from you if she feels stuck, so she has an excuse to step outside and use the phone in private.

Exactly.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why old people in America get stuck in nursing homes. We no longer value family. OP is upset that husband is “choosing” this party of their daughter’s game? The teenager does not want to go? My oldest son is 17 and our two youngest are 6 and 7. The 17 year old goes to the younger kids parties be it his siblings or younger family members. He does not complain. Is he happy to go? No… does he deal with it? Yes… it’s about making memories and connections. The day is not about OP’s daughter and her feelings. She can put that aside along with her enjoyment for a couple of hours. She can help out for a couple of hours.

Do you work? You sound like my MIL who claims people are trying to put her away when assisted living is brought up. Older people should go to assisted living or nursing homes if they level of care they need is more than the family can provide. Like if they need someone around all day and advanced medical needs and the adult children have jobs.

I would not make my teens go to this party. I’m from a big family where everyone has to go to everything and it did not make us closer as adults.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% not make my teen go, especially for a party that's not just family/extended family. Will said 16 year be spending quality time with her 5 year old cousin at this party? I highly doubt it. It doesn't sound like this is going to be a family bonding event for her.

I think family members can show up for each other in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should go if she doesn’t have another commitment. Man, teenagers can be so difficult. Little kids love having big kids at their parties. We just had our DC’s 5th birthday yesterday and our 14 yo played with all the kids and the little kids genuinely loved it. It’s a little bratty for her to refuse to go, imo.

It isn't bratty for the teenager to tell the adults she doesn't want to go. If you don't want to go somewhere are you being a brat if you say you don't want to?

I bet when your kid is 16 you won't force you kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should go if she doesn’t have another commitment. Man, teenagers can be so difficult. Little kids love having big kids at their parties. We just had our DC’s 5th birthday yesterday and our 14 yo played with all the kids and the little kids genuinely loved it. It’s a little bratty for her to refuse to go, imo.

Irrelevant.

It’s only irrelevant if your bratty teenager doesn’t care about her extended family lol!

It's a five year old party not solely a family event. The ones forcing the teen actually sound like tge brats...its my way or the highway. Don't be surprised if you kids aren't close to you

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't want to go, I wouldn’t make it. Let her have some choice in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% not make my teen go, especially for a party that's not just family/extended family. Will said 16 year be spending quality time with her 5 year old cousin at this party? I highly doubt it. It doesn't sound like this is going to be a family bonding event for her.

I think family members can show up for each other in other ways.

She will go and sit in a corner somewhere on her phone.