DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party

[Anonymous]

It really depends. I have a 7yo and we don’t make her older teen/tween siblings attend her birthday party geared towards her 1st grade friends. We celebrate actual birthday on birthday.

If it was family we didn’t see often, I would go and make teen go.

[Anonymous]

You would know if it was a family type party or a party at a trampoline park.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make mine go but I also think it’s fine to make her go for a bit. I’d compromise and say she just has to stay for an hour and then can leave.

[Anonymous]

Of course she should go - is she always this difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you are nuts. I think the expectations for this type of thing vary by family and circumstances.

It's sounds like your DH's family is like mine. We all get together for every birthday if we possibly can. My teens will always go to a party at their cousins' house. (They are similarly much older than all their cousins, who are preschool to early elementary.) However, my family doesn't expect them to go to the party the cousins host for their school friends (like the PP mentioned at a place like Pump it Up). We do the family get together and the little kid party separately.

If it is at their house, I think you taking one child to the sporting event and your DH taking your 16 year old to the party is a good compromise. If the party is at some little-kid place, I think you could let the 16 year old skip it and your husband can go represent your family.

Actually no, this isn’t the tradition in the paternal family. Remember the other teen cousins on the husband’s side are not going to the 5 year old’s party.

The OP’s daughter is the only one.

I don't see where OP mentioned this. Where did she mention teens other than the 16 yr old sibling with a sports committment?

[Anonymous]

I have teen DDs and they adore their younger cousins. They wouldn’t want to miss this unless they had a legitimate conflict, which of course we would allow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all - very good points made here.

She just told me she wants to compromise by going to the party if she can go to her "friend" that's a boy's house tonight. Which I'm also not comfortable with as I don't know him or his family at all.. ah the saga continues.

Please don't capitulate to this demand. She needs to just go. No conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s stupid but 16 year old can deal
Is the party at a house or at a venue? If it’s a 5 year old party at Pump it up, no she shouldn’t go.

I don’t think they will be playing cards so the 16 year won’t need to deal.

[Anonymous]

Sports come before a 5 yo birthday party. She should go late though depending how far away it is.

[Anonymous]

She should go.

[Anonymous]

Our entire family attends family birthday parties. But we all have two parties - one for friends, one for family. Only friends attend the one for friends.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see why the 16 year old doesn’t want to attend. I loved my cousins. 5 year olds are cute and fun. You all clearly aren’t family oriented so I guess I wouldn’t make her go.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your dh.

[Anonymous]

Her not going is not going to help establish relationship with younger relatives. Outside of birthdays and holidays they will likely not interact. She should go.

[Anonymous]

My nieces and nephews age range is from infant to 22. They’ve all gone to all the birthday parties, it’s just something we all do. The OP is trying to turn it into a negative but nobody asked her teen to do anything.

As for the “sporting event” I would have arranged a car pool and gone to the party.