DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be clear. This is SIL/BIL getting free babysitting so they can enjoy the party. What sucks is that your DH and his sibling sound like such jerks that they won’t even show any appreciation for the teenager who gets to work her butt off all day so they can converse. How nice for the jerks.

I personally do not let crap like this fly. I’d be clear with DH that this has zero to do with being there for family, it’s having your daughter work all day for your sibling and pretending it’s for her benefit. I’d tell him he’s exploiting her and not recognizing either intentionally or foolishly what is going on.

+1. Venues like Pump it Up is expensive. Sounds like the parents want free labor and the teenage girl to be smiling while she does it.

+2

[Anonymous]

Second I doubt OPs in laws would expect a son to do this. That’s women’s work!

What leads you to conclude this? My husband's family generally expects my teen son to entertain the little ones at Thanksgiving. I expect him to do it part of the day, but not the entire day, so generally make something up about him needing to do homework or run an errand for me after a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Second I doubt OPs in laws would expect a son to do this. That’s women’s work!

What leads you to conclude this? My husband's family generally expects my teen son to entertain the little ones at Thanksgiving. I expect him to do it part of the day, but not the entire day, so generally make something up about him needing to do homework or run an errand for me after a few hours.[/quote

#not my son! Do you admit that you are the outlier? For the majority of our society the male would be excused? Heck we don't know the gender of the kid going to sports' practice. It could be a boy. which begs the question why is that kid allowed to miss an important family obligation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a family gathering, I am with your DH.

Then everyone should be forced to go. Including the sports' kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The party is at my sister-in-law's house.

She's also miserable because she ends up babysitting a bunch of younger kids. Our other niece who is a teenager will not be there. We see them often so it's not like a rare occasion or anything.

This is why I would not make her go. She is being invited as free help, not as family.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised by some of the answers. It's kind of a given an older cousin at a party like this would spend time with the little cousins, it's not "free help" so much as just spending time interacting! I recall my older cousins entertaining me as a kid, I did the same with my younger cousins, my kids do this with theirs...It just seems entirely normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be clear. This is SIL/BIL getting free babysitting so they can enjoy the party. What sucks is that your DH and his sibling sound like such jerks that they won’t even show any appreciation for the teenager who gets to work her butt off all day so they can converse. How nice for the jerks.

I personally do not let crap like this fly. I’d be clear with DH that this has zero to do with being there for family, it’s having your daughter work all day for your sibling and pretending it’s for her benefit. I’d tell him he’s exploiting her and not recognizing either intentionally or foolishly what is going on.

This. And I am Asian, so have witnessed this dynamic play out often.

I would let my teen skip this, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Please don't expect any family members to go to your daughter's graduation party then. Such events things are objectively boring for most of the guests and I guess you have the approach that showing up for family doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

#not my son! Do you admit that you are the outlier? For the majority of our society the male would be excused? Heck we don't know the gender of the kid going to sports' practice. It could be a boy.

OP said it was a daughter, it is in the post. I have no idea what the majority of U.S. society would do. In our culture, teens are generally expected to help out if asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised by some of the answers. It's kind of a given an older cousin at a party like this would spend time with the little cousins, it's not "free help" so much as just spending time interacting! I recall my older cousins entertaining me as a kid, I did the same with my younger cousins, my kids do this with theirs...It just seems entirely normal.

Did your cousins also spend time entertaining all of your friends? Or did they spend time with you during a family visit. Not the same as OP’s DD being the helper for a friend party filled with 5 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't expect any family members to go to your daughter's graduation party then. Such events things are objectively boring for most of the guests and I guess you have the approach that showing up for family doesn't matter.

If it's a graduation party for teenagers, like this party for five year old friends, it's better that relatives don't show up anyhow or stay upstairs with the adults.

[Anonymous]

Can she seek employment elsewhere before the part date? At least she would get paid to work a shift on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

I continue to be surprised at these responses. Your teens have you all so well-trained. Needless to say I feel no obligation to PAY my child to attend occasional extended family functions, absent another conflict with his schedule, and engage in reasonable interactions with the people there (yes even non relatives and even if they are GASP five years old).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let’s be clear. This is SIL/BIL getting free babysitting so they can enjoy the party. What sucks is that your DH and his sibling sound like such jerks that they won’t even show any appreciation for the teenager who gets to work her butt off all day so they can converse. How nice for the jerks.

I personally do not let crap like this fly. I’d be clear with DH that this has zero to do with being there for family, it’s having your daughter work all day for your sibling and pretending it’s for her benefit. I’d tell him he’s exploiting her and not recognizing either intentionally or foolishly what is going on.


+1. Venues like Pump it Up is expensive. Sounds like the parents want free labor and the teenage girl to be smiling while she does it.

Welcome to the reality of doing things you don't necessarily want to do for family. My husband is the parent liaison for my son's sports team (not soccer), I stepped up to be an assistant troop leader for my daughter's troop when no one else would. My daughter likely is too young to be much help, but if we wanted my son to help at a cousin's party, he would be there and be reasonably pleasant while doing it.

You know, some parents would be very unpleasantly surprised to learn that your teen son was supervising their little girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let’s be clear. This is SIL/BIL getting free babysitting so they can enjoy the party. What sucks is that your DH and his sibling sound like such jerks that they won’t even show any appreciation for the teenager who gets to work her butt off all day so they can converse. How nice for the jerks.

I personally do not let crap like this fly. I’d be clear with DH that this has zero to do with being there for family, it’s having your daughter work all day for your sibling and pretending it’s for her benefit. I’d tell him he’s exploiting her and not recognizing either intentionally or foolishly what is going on.


+1. Venues like Pump it Up is expensive. Sounds like the parents want free labor and the teenage girl to be smiling while she does it.

Welcome to the reality of doing things you don't necessarily want to do for family. My husband is the parent liaison for my son's sports team (not soccer), I stepped up to be an assistant troop leader for my daughter's troop when no one else would. My daughter likely is too young to be much help, but if we wanted my son to help at a cousin's party, he would be there and be reasonably pleasant while doing it.

You know, some parents would be very unpleasantly surprised to learn that your teen son was supervising their little girls.

DP. You are messed up.