DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let’s be clear. This is SIL/BIL getting free babysitting so they can enjoy the party. What sucks is that your DH and his sibling sound like such jerks that they won’t even show any appreciation for the teenager who gets to work her butt off all day so they can converse. How nice for the jerks.

I personally do not let crap like this fly. I’d be clear with DH that this has zero to do with being there for family, it’s having your daughter work all day for your sibling and pretending it’s for her benefit. I’d tell him he’s exploiting her and not recognizing either intentionally or foolishly what is going on.


+1. Venues like Pump it Up is expensive. Sounds like the parents want free labor and the teenage girl to be smiling while she does it.

Welcome to the reality of doing things you don't necessarily want to do for family. My husband is the parent liaison for my son's sports team (not soccer), I stepped up to be an assistant troop leader for my daughter's troop when no one else would. My daughter likely is too young to be much help, but if we wanted my son to help at a cousin's party, he would be there and be reasonably pleasant while doing it.

You know, some parents would be very unpleasantly surprised to learn that your teen son was supervising their little girls.

DP. You are messed up.

It’s true tho. No parent wants a strange male teen around their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am an outlier. I would expect my 15 year old to go and help out with the kids as needed. He works and volunteers with kids and is good with them, so it doesn't seem unreasonable to expect him to help family out at a kid's party.

This. It is one day. Never to early to teach your DD that everything is not about her and her preferences.

[Anonymous]

It's a family thing. It's common. It's a few hours. The little kids will love having her there.

Honestly, OP, if you are not trolling and this is a genuine HUGE issue for you, start a gratitude journal. Your post epitomizes first world problems! And self absorption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she seek employment elsewhere before the part date? At least she would get paid to work a shift on the weekend.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a family thing. It's common. It's a few hours. The little kids will love having her there.

Honestly, OP, if you are not trolling and this is a genuine HUGE issue for you, start a gratitude journal. Your post epitomizes first world problems! And self absorption.

If it's a family thing then OP and the other sibling can go as well. Otherwise, it's not a family thing after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a family thing. It's common. It's a few hours. The little kids will love having her there.

Honestly, OP, if you are not trolling and this is a genuine HUGE issue for you, start a gratitude journal. Your post epitomizes first world problems! And self absorption.

If it's a family thing then OP and the other sibling can go as well. Otherwise, it's not a family thing after all.

Obviously the other child has a team sport, did you read the thread? And needs a parent to accompany. DH and other kid can attend family event since they are not PREVIOUSLY COMMITTED to a TEAM event. You all must live very lonely, alienated lives if these are foreign concepts to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be surprised at these responses. Your teens have you all so well-trained. Needless to say I feel no obligation to PAY my child to attend occasional extended family functions, absent another conflict with his schedule, and engage in reasonable interactions with the people there (yes even non relatives and even if they are GASP five years old).

Huh? Did they train me before they were born?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be surprised at these responses. Your teens have you all so well-trained. Needless to say I feel no obligation to PAY my child to attend occasional extended family functions, absent another conflict with his schedule, and engage in reasonable interactions with the people there (yes even non relatives and even if they are GASP five years old).

Huh? Did they train me before they were born?

What are you trying to say here? I’m referring to these kids who apparently need to be paid to attend a family event or who think they have a god-given right to sit at home. They seem to have you trained to never visit a moment of unpleasantness on them.

[Anonymous]

You are raising a spoiled brat. We show up for family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a family thing. It's common. It's a few hours. The little kids will love having her there.

Honestly, OP, if you are not trolling and this is a genuine HUGE issue for you, start a gratitude journal. Your post epitomizes first world problems! And self absorption.

But it’s not a family thing. It’s a preschool friend party. OP said that their other teen niece won’t be there. If the party is mostly family, the teen should go. If it’s a kid friend party, then the teen should be allowed to skip.

My teens have AP exams and finals. I wouldn’t even ask them to attend a family party right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be surprised at these responses. Your teens have you all so well-trained. Needless to say I feel no obligation to PAY my child to attend occasional extended family functions, absent another conflict with his schedule, and engage in reasonable interactions with the people there (yes even non relatives and even if they are GASP five years old).

Huh? Did they train me before they were born?

What are you trying to say here? I’m referring to these kids who apparently need to be paid to attend a family event or who think they have a god-given right to sit at home. They seem to have you trained to never visit a moment of unpleasantness on them.

I have a toxic mother like you, and *I* refuse to pass the dysfunction to the next generation.

The 16 yo doesn’t have “a god-given right to sit at home”, she has “a god-given right” to be treated fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all - very good points made here.

She just told me she wants to compromise by going to the party if she can go to her "friend" that's a boy's house tonight. Which I'm also not comfortable with as I don't know him or his family at all.. ah the saga continues.

Did everyone miss this post from OP? The child sounds like a spoiled brat and like she is up to no good. Even more reason that she needs to be around family instead of up under a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be surprised at these responses. Your teens have you all so well-trained. Needless to say I feel no obligation to PAY my child to attend occasional extended family functions, absent another conflict with his schedule, and engage in reasonable interactions with the people there (yes even non relatives and even if they are GASP five years old).

Huh? Did they train me before they were born?

What are you trying to say here? I’m referring to these kids who apparently need to be paid to attend a family event or who think they have a god-given right to sit at home. They seem to have you trained to never visit a moment of unpleasantness on them.

I have a toxic mother like you, and *I* refuse to pass the dysfunction to the next generation.

The 16 yo doesn’t have “a god-given right to sit at home”, she has “a god-given right” to be treated fairly.

Wowza. I think teen daughter found the chat. All of my children would be expected to attend family events if they have no other plans. Nobody is getting singled out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't expect any family members to go to your daughter's graduation party then. Such events things are objectively boring for most of the guests and I guess you have the approach that showing up for family doesn't matter.

If it's a graduation party for teenagers, like this party for five year old friends, it's better that relatives don't show up anyhow or stay upstairs with the adults.

It's too bad there aren't family members or family friends there her own age, but mingling with others is an important social and life skill. I expect My 14yo to at least try and make conversation with adults as well as young children instead of emerging from the cave only to interact with other teens. Mine is capable of this and even enjoys it. Maybe it's because she has been in this situation at plenty of gatherings and I remind her it's important to be polite and take an interest in others, especially when it's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all - very good points made here.

She just told me she wants to compromise by going to the party if she can go to her "friend" that's a boy's house tonight. Which I'm also not comfortable with as I don't know him or his family at all.. ah the saga continues.

Did everyone miss this post from OP? The child sounds like a spoiled brat and like she is up to no good. Even more reason that she needs to be around family instead of up under a boy.

She drives a hard bargain. She's not, in fact, 5 like her cousin. Too bad most of her family won't even be at the "family party" watch your own kids instead of getting free labor from family who don't want to come to your parties.