Husband is dying - no life insurance or savings, I’m a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Surviving spouse SSA benefits are reduced for every dollar OP earns over $19,560 (in 2022), so it isn't as simple as survivor benefits + surviving kids benefits + teacher salary.

"If you’re under full retirement age your benefit amount could be reduced, based on what you earn. For 2022, the Social Security Administration reduces survivor benefits by $1 for every $2 you earn above $19,560. In the year you reach full retirement age, the deduction changes to $1 for every $3 earned above $51,960."
https://smartasset.com/financial-advisor/social-security-survivor-benefits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surviving spouse SSA benefits are reduced for every dollar OP earns over $19,560 (in 2022), so it isn't as simple as survivor benefits + surviving kids benefits + teacher salary.

"If you’re under full retirement age your benefit amount could be reduced, based on what you earn. For 2022, the Social Security Administration reduces survivor benefits by $1 for every $2 you earn above $19,560. In the year you reach full retirement age, the deduction changes to $1 for every $3 earned above $51,960."
https://smartasset.com/financial-advisor/social-security-survivor-benefits

god, please don't comment if you don't know what you're talking about.

were aren't talking about surviving spouse retirement benefits, but surviving spouse caring for the kids under age 16.

with three kids currently under the age of 10, she's likely going to be receiving a %age for at least 10 years, it's not earnings-tested.

https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/ifyou.html#h3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in debt and overspent. You need to get a job now and reduce your expenses.

Get a job subbing. Now. Tutor.

I suspect your DH may also have untreated mental illness such as bipolar in addition to the drinking, which may be self medicating.

Do you have any family that you and the kids can move in with and get back on your feet? Are you licensed in any lower cost of living areas?

Lower cost of living areas generally pay their teachers very poorly.

Not always. State of Iowa pays their teachers fairly well. Most of that state is LCOL to MCOL area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t even think about paying for college right now. You need stability first. Kids will be fine if you can get them to stability.

+1

The FAFSA and process change so much, anything could apply by that time, OP - take care of today.

[Anonymous]

Why haven't you gotten a job prior to this hospitalization? It doesn't sound like this was sudden?

[Anonymous]

OP hasn't said how old the kids are, but HOPEFULLY, they are school-aged??

If so, that is going to help A LOT since OP is a teacher and the kids can be in school while she is working, and she'll be off work when they are out of school. That's a pretty big bonus for OP. If any are young enough to need daycare, then that is going to cost, but with the life insurance pay out, that'll cover a few years of child care.

OP, let's focus on the good:

1. you have a marketable skill!
2. your job will likely be very family-friendly for being a single-mom-head of household!
3. you have a little bit of time to think about where you will live. You said you have a house worth $1.3mil, but also you said you are separated. So, who is living in this house? That is going to have to be part of your "old life" -- the life that isn't sustainable. If you are in the house, you are going to need to sell it and move to a much smaller townhouse or nice condo. Fortunately, your kids are young enough that if you move relatively soon, they can adjust to their "new life" just fine and make connections and not be too affected by the down-sizing.

4. The kids will get some sort of Soc. Sec.

You can come out of this. You just need to start making a plan -- with or without the help of advisers. Put a plan on paper, and get your head around it now. Let go of what was.

Your life is going to be a lot different, but it's going to get better. Remember that. You are moving in the direction of a better life. You have resources and marketable skills. You aren't going to be a SAHM anymore. That was "old life." Onward to "new life."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surviving spouse SSA benefits are reduced for every dollar OP earns over $19,560 (in 2022), so it isn't as simple as survivor benefits + surviving kids benefits + teacher salary.

"If you’re under full retirement age your benefit amount could be reduced, based on what you earn. For 2022, the Social Security Administration reduces survivor benefits by $1 for every $2 you earn above $19,560. In the year you reach full retirement age, the deduction changes to $1 for every $3 earned above $51,960."
https://smartasset.com/financial-advisor/social-security-survivor-benefits

god, please don't comment if you don't know what you're talking about.

were aren't talking about surviving spouse retirement benefits, but surviving spouse caring for the kids under age 16.

with three kids currently under the age of 10, she's likely going to be receiving a %age for at least 10 years, it's not earnings-tested.

https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/survivors/ifyou.html#h3

My friend's benefits were reduced when she went back to work even though she had children under 16. I tried to find something a bit more informative than my one anecdote. Do you feel better now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't said how old the kids are, but HOPEFULLY, they are school-aged??

If so, that is going to help A LOT since OP is a teacher and the kids can be in school while she is working, and she'll be off work when they are out of school. That's a pretty big bonus for OP. If any are young enough to need daycare, then that is going to cost, but with the life insurance pay out, that'll cover a few years of child care.

OP, let's focus on the good:

1. you have a marketable skill!
2. your job will likely be very family-friendly for being a single-mom-head of household!
3. you have a little bit of time to think about where you will live. You said you have a house worth $1.3mil, but also you said you are separated. So, who is living in this house? That is going to have to be part of your "old life" -- the life that isn't sustainable. If you are in the house, you are going to need to sell it and move to a much smaller townhouse or nice condo. Fortunately, your kids are young enough that if you move relatively soon, they can adjust to their "new life" just fine and make connections and not be too affected by the down-sizing.

4. The kids will get some sort of Soc. Sec.

You can come out of this. You just need to start making a plan -- with or without the help of advisers. Put a plan on paper, and get your head around it now. Let go of what was.

Your life is going to be a lot different, but it's going to get better. Remember that. You are moving in the direction of a better life. You have resources and marketable skills. You aren't going to be a SAHM anymore. That was "old life." Onward to "new life."

Her OP said they are under 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in debt and overspent. You need to get a job now and reduce your expenses.

This.

Get a job, an affordable apartment (if you live in the DC area, see if you can qualify for affordable housing), a beater car that you can use, enroll kids in a decent public school, and prepare to sell the house to pay off his debts.

Get medical POA and freeze his credit so that he can’t open any more accounts. That should be easy if he has a pancreatitis diagnosis. Ask his doctor about this. You might need to pay a small fee to an attorney to get this but it’s well, well worth it.

You can do this. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’ll say it again- you can do this.

This seems excessive.

If the husband made at least 150K a year (which would be really low for a 1.3 million house) she would get a family maximum of $5,862 in survivors benefits. (Each child gets $2,500 She would hit the max just with her children. Plus she would also be eligible at retirement age if they were married for at least 10 years even if they are divorced when he dies.)

And that doesn’t even include the life insurance and home equity. There’s no need for a beater car.

Sure, she’ll have to down grade her lifestyle. No more luxury cars. But she can afford a Honda Odyssey and she might even be able to afford to stay in the house if she stops with the luxury spending.

She will be just fine. She could easily wait a few years to go back to work full time and start substitute teaching just to build up her resume.

This is helpful, thank you! For the record, I drive an 8 year old minivan. Nothing luxury. Husband is the one with new cars and debt.

[Anonymous]

OP you need LEGAL advice so you don't do something impulsive or due to mis-understanding that bites you financially down the road. It's well worth the $. Don't take advice from random people online, get all the financials and insurance together and have someone walk you through the best way to maximize benefits and other income. You may do better married than divorced. Do not jump to conclusions, find out what role his debts will play.

DH may linger, what is the plan then? See if you can get a psych eval for bipolar disorder while he is hospitalized. The kids may be at risk too, all upsides to having a diagnosis ruled in or out.

Ultimately, if you relocate near family that will help provide a support system for you and the kids.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this happen and it ended up in bankruptcy. If that happens it’s not the end of the world but you will need a relative to co-sign on rent or mortgage for you. Find a credit counselor https://www.nfcc.org/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwi_exBhA8EiwA_kU1MhVsFpCMbOyVs9RIIRuxeTRppcdmcyR--OvGoaPFY2kmJPoOp5NjpBoCV_cQAvD_BwE

You know that you need to lose the house and rent a townhouse or apartment. Unless there’s some way you could rent out the basement. I would prepare the kids for all this. I’m sorry but it’s great that you have a good steady job try to pick up tutoring over the summer or work summer school and put your kids in camps.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s worth consulting a lawyer. For example if you own the house as tenants by the entirety then creditors can’t come after it for his debts. Do not pay any of his debts out of your money no matter what the creditors say without talking to a lawyer!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in debt and overspent. You need to get a job now and reduce your expenses.

Get a job subbing. Now. Tutor.

I suspect your DH may also have untreated mental illness such as bipolar in addition to the drinking, which may be self medicating.

Do you have any family that you and the kids can move in with and get back on your feet? Are you licensed in any lower cost of living areas?

Lower cost of living areas generally pay their teachers very poorly.

Not always. State of Iowa pays their teachers fairly well. Most of that state is LCOL to MCOL area.

This is true for much of the upper midwest. It's a great place to be a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We are separated. Does it make sense to go ahead and get divorced? Could that save me financially? That was actually my plan until his most recent hospitalization and then I felt guilty divorcing somebody who is dying.

There is nothing morally wrong with legally divorcing someone who is dying. Divorcing doesn't mean abandoning. You can still care for your partner during illness and, if necessary, hospice.
There are legal consequences like powr of attorney and hospital visitation rights, and fiancial/tax/debt consequences .You need legal advice.

+100. OP, I am sorry you are going through this. Please get legal advice now. Get your financial life in order and make a plan. A lawyer to discuss finances and how to protect yourself is by far the best idea. Divorce may be needed, but make sure you stay beneficiary on all his accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this happen and it ended up in bankruptcy. If that happens it’s not the end of the world but you will need a relative to co-sign on rent or mortgage for you. Find a credit counselor https://www.nfcc.org/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwi_exBhA8EiwA_kU1MhVsFpCMbOyVs9RIIRuxeTRppcdmcyR--OvGoaPFY2kmJPoOp5NjpBoCV_cQAvD_BwE

You know that you need to lose the house and rent a townhouse or apartment. Unless there’s some way you could rent out the basement. I would prepare the kids for all this. I’m sorry but it’s great that you have a good steady job try to pick up tutoring over the summer or work summer school and put your kids in camps.

Camp for 3 kids will cost more than what she earns teaching summer school.