Husband is dying - no life insurance or savings, I’m a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is his credit card debt not part of the marital assets and liabilities?

I’m so sorry, OP.

It's a death, not a divorce, so probate rules will apply to creditors.

Meaning his non life insurance/401k/trust estate will pay the creditors.

Not necessarily. OP you need to speak with an estates attorney about how his debt will impact you if still married at death.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to clarify the issues re: his debt with an Estates attorney.

One thing that I don't think has been mentioned is that in a divorce, the judge has leeway to apportion debt, even debt that otherwise may NOT be yours legally. You could end up being saddled with debt of DH that you would not be responsible for if married at his death. Something to consider and a bit of a wildcard.

Unless doctors have said he is actively dying and have spoken about hospice, I think you need to pause the grief work look for a job and assume he will go through these cycles for some time. Divorce may not be the "cut off" from debt or connection to his crises (he will get some visitation and maybe 50/50).

I know of a similar situation where the alcoholic has taken up with a string of girlfriends who managed the kids during his 50%. Even with blown breathalyzer tests he still got the 50. And the kids were subjected to randos, and sometimes their kids, including on holidays.

Focus on what you CAN control and line up an income and benefits as step one. Family Court is a wild card. Never assume they will settle assets fairly, protect kids, etc. And it is another suck of money. If the current situation is affordable, I'd let the table ride for a bit. You have a lot of control re: the kids now that you could lose. If the doctors are speaking of hospice, that is different.

[Anonymous]

OP may have more control over the kids as the situation stands, but she has LESS control over her financial future if she stays married. Her husband can keep taking out debt and pissing away any equity/assets they have + put them in more debt. If OP gets divorced, the divorce is a hard-stop on the damage the husband can do to her share of the equity/assets. If the husband lives for another 5 yrs., and then dies, OP could have zero assets + marital debt.

If OP gets out sooner and the husband lives 5+ years, then OP can at least have full control over half of the assets left at the time of divorce. He can't screw those away from her and the kids.

If the husband is likely to die relatively soon (i.e. 6 mos? 12 mos?) it's better to stay married. But it really depends on how much damage he can do financially to OP while he is alive... and how long he's actually alive and capable of creating debt.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer up and divorce now. Stop taking care of him. Get a job, any job, to help tide you over. And if you get into a relationship again, be very, very careful. You don't seem to be a good judge of character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice but just want to give you virtual hugs and support. I’m sorry you’re going through all this.

I’m sorry you’re going through this too. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking that divorcing him would clear you of the burden he is on your mental health

You are not factoring in safety concerns when the young kids are soley in his care. While married, that likely happens rarely.

OP, ignore "vibe" answers and get legal advice her how his debt impacts you and how being married impacts your assets positively, if he lives for a while or if he dies soon. You need legal advice and numbers to compare.

Is he being paid his full salary while in the hospital or is part of it commissions, etc.?

You are right that OP needs professional help, but there is no way he's getting any sort of custody while he's literally in the hospital dying... C'mon.

Doubt he's actually dying. If he was there would be mention of hospice.

You have NO idea how death from alcoholism works. Sit down.

I've had several relatives die from alcoholism and know well it is a lengthy process. F off with your insensitivity and assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP may have more control over the kids as the situation stands, but she has LESS control over her financial future if she stays married. Her husband can keep taking out debt and pissing away any equity/assets they have + put them in more debt. If OP gets divorced, the divorce is a hard-stop on the damage the husband can do to her share of the equity/assets. If the husband lives for another 5 yrs., and then dies, OP could have zero assets + marital debt.

If OP gets out sooner and the husband lives 5+ years, then OP can at least have full control over half of the assets left at the time of divorce. He can't screw those away from her and the kids.

If the husband is likely to die relatively soon (i.e. 6 mos? 12 mos?) it's better to stay married. But it really depends on how much damage he can do financially to OP while he is alive... and how long he's actually alive and capable of creating debt.

OP hasn't really said what the doctors are saying.

[Anonymous]

Op, did you start to apply for a job?
Let’s get that going at high priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking that divorcing him would clear you of the burden he is on your mental health

You are not factoring in safety concerns when the young kids are soley in his care. While married, that likely happens rarely.

OP, ignore "vibe" answers and get legal advice her how his debt impacts you and how being married impacts your assets positively, if he lives for a while or if he dies soon. You need legal advice and numbers to compare.

Is he being paid his full salary while in the hospital or is part of it commissions, etc.?

You are right that OP needs professional help, but there is no way he's getting any sort of custody while he's literally in the hospital dying... C'mon.

Doubt he's actually dying. If he was there would be mention of hospice.

You have NO idea how death from alcoholism works. Sit down.

I've had several relatives die from alcoholism and know well it is a lengthy process. F off with your insensitivity and assumptions.

It’s lengthy—except when it isn’t. Alcoholics die all the time without anyone mentioning hospice. They die by alcohol poisoning. They die by choking on their own vomit. They die in DUIs or as victims of violent crime. They die because they wander outside in weather their bodies can’t handle. They break esophageal varices and bleed to death in minutes. None of this involves hospice.

So your advice to ignore the chance that he will die unless there was “mention of hospice” is bad, wrong, and could harm the OP’s interests.

Telling me to F off may feel good (?) but it doesn’t change any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, did you start to apply for a job?
Let’s get that going at high priority.

Nah OP seems determined to miss the teacher hiring cycle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking that divorcing him would clear you of the burden he is on your mental health

You are not factoring in safety concerns when the young kids are soley in his care. While married, that likely happens rarely.

OP, ignore "vibe" answers and get legal advice her how his debt impacts you and how being married impacts your assets positively, if he lives for a while or if he dies soon. You need legal advice and numbers to compare.

Is he being paid his full salary while in the hospital or is part of it commissions, etc.?

You are right that OP needs professional help, but there is no way he's getting any sort of custody while he's literally in the hospital dying... C'mon.

Doubt he's actually dying. If he was there would be mention of hospice.

You have NO idea how death from alcoholism works. Sit down.

I've had several relatives die from alcoholism and know well it is a lengthy process. F off with your insensitivity and assumptions.

It’s lengthy—except when it isn’t. Alcoholics die all the time without anyone mentioning hospice. They die by alcohol poisoning. They die by choking on their own vomit. They die in DUIs or as victims of violent crime. They die because they wander outside in weather their bodies can’t handle. They break esophageal varices and bleed to death in minutes. None of this involves hospice.

So your advice to ignore the chance that he will die unless there was “mention of hospice” is bad, wrong, and could harm the OP’s interests.

Telling me to F off may feel good (?) but it doesn’t change any of that.

most of your hypos do not apply to someone hospitalized and receiving medical treatment

[Anonymous]

OP, how many teaching jobs have you applied for?

What are your DH's doctors saying about his prognosis?

[Anonymous]

I’ve done everything in my power to hold the household and the kids together. 3 kids under age 10.

You have refused to seek employment, even now, and continued to have children with a man who was/is drinking himself to death.

First: get a job, they are hiring for teachers NOW

Second: stop telling yourself pretty lies and pull it together, those kids need you to get a paying job with benefits.

I genuinely hope this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

1) make sure your kids are his beneficiaries
2) sell the house and rent something in the meantime
3) get a divorce so his debts are not yours
4) get a job

[Anonymous]

In the 3 weeks since your post, OP, how many teaching jobs have you applied for? PEAK hiring season for teachers is NOW.