Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

It's difficult to have emotional fortitude when dealing with relentless mean girls. When she made the commitment things might not have been so bad. OP don't force her to go. Let your daughter know you support her. How can you enjoy another country when you're seeing it with nasty people you can't get away from?

Exactly. Also, Toronto is nice, but it's not like she's missing out on something super cool and exotic.

This could be true. But DD didn’t say that to OP nor did OP to figure out the source of the discomfort.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for skip it.
As someone who has chaperoned on a trip, the adults do not need an emotionally unstable situation to deal with in addition to their other duties.
But you should really look into ways that your child can get experiences away from home. Whether it be staying with grandparents/Aunts and Uncles for a weekend or going to a sleep over at a girl friends house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.

I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.

... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?

Right because some PP didn’t enjoy her school trip 30 years ago that should weigh into OP’s decision, why?

I'm the church poster. My point is that I had a reason for dreading it and I was right. I knew I'd be excluded from the group and get bullied, feel lonely and awkward and that I would hate it. My mom was like the above person and convinced me that if I just turn my frown upside down (adjust my attitude) it would be fine and fun.

They were wrong. My gut told me the trip was a bad idea and I was right.

I know I spend a lot of time trying to walk that line between teaching my child this lesson or that lesson. But OP's child will have other opportunities between now and college to ease into being away from home. Why throw her into the deep end now, on a multi night trip, when she clearly has reason to believe it will not be good for her?

OP’s daughter happily signed up for the trip. She thought she could do it.

And? She changed her mind. She no longer believes she can do it.

Let her stay home.

[Anonymous]

This is golden opportunity to investigate and root out a real problem, whatever it is. Don't waste it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No chores, let her not go.

+1

My first thought was of this was my kid, they’d have to be pretty desperate to not want to go to offer to do chores to pay me back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

Intersting how your crappy response is right above and in direct opposition to someone who actually knows what they are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Has op come back at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

Intersting how your crappy response is right above and in direct opposition to someone who actually knows what they are talking about.

Anxiety levels in teens and young adults is astronomically high right now. Experts (who actually know what they are talking about) say much of it has to do with having a risk free childhood. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is golden opportunity to investigate and root out a real problem, whatever it is. Don't waste it.

Can't agree with this enough. When I made multiple attempts to skip my 8th grade trip, my parents wrote it off as homesickness and being too spoiled to see how lucky I was to get to take a middle school trip.

They were oblivious to- and I was too ashamed to describe- the extent of horrible bullying that had been escalating since the end of 7th grade. Both they and the teachers were also oblivious to the complications of having students choose their own room assignments and what happened when they stuck me with a group of 3 who did not want me anywhere near them.

I never visit the location of my 8th grade trip because those were some of the worst 3 days of my life. I have since talked to other friends who had similar anxiety about 8th grade trips for reasons ranging from bullying, difficulty managing heavy periods, sleepwalking, being embarrassed by asthma treatment they had to do at night, etc. I am a huge traveler but I think everyone should do travel without their families/support system at their own pace.

Try to talk to your DD, OP. Maybe it's simple homesickness, but it might be more complicated. Let her off the hook and let her grow in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Skip it.

Being ignored and feeling incredibly lonely is the absolute least thing that can happen on an overnight 8th grade trip. Add snuck in alcohol and hormones to that trip and it will be much worse for OP's dd. Just let her skip it.

During our 8th grade trip to DC, the boys somehow snuck a homeless person back into the hotel and set off the fire alarm at the Air and Space museum.

Luckily this was during the days of homeless people mostly being elderly alcoholics and it was pre-9/11, so there wasn't the same extensive security and cameras. If it happened now, I can't imagine how messed up the situation could have been.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely let her skip it. Mean girl drama will be relentless on a trip like this. And get the school counselor involved about the mean girl drama issue.

[Anonymous]

Agree on letting her skip it--especially with the potential for mean girl drama. Imagine how you would feel being away from home and potentially forced to seem them in vulnerable positions (sleeping, showering etc.) Be her safe space and definitely work on finding out more about her reasons for not wanting to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless she's prone to flip flopping or being dramatic, I would let her skip it. Something about her desperation to get out of it sounds like there is something more than a fear of homesickness.

Let her skip OP. Friend's daughter went on a MS overnighter and the mean girls made it awful. Returning to school was worse.

On a good note, family relocated and girl settled in a new school and is now at Yale. Guess she got the last laugh.