Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.

I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.

[Anonymous]

I would skip it and not make and not make a big deal about it. No chores. Try to plan something fun to do once or twice locally even if it’s just going shopping or out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you force her?

Because sometimes it’s good for us to do hard uncomfortable things.

Definitively... and this is not one of those situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.

I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.

... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.

I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.

... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?

Right because some PP didn’t enjoy her school trip 30 years ago that should weigh into OP’s decision, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you force her?

Because sometimes it’s good for us to do hard uncomfortable things.

Definitively... and this is not one of those situations.

+1 celebratory, optional things aren’t supposed to be hard

[Anonymous]

OP: there is a difference bw electing not to do something and fearing it, being unable to do it, dreading it, etc. please get your daughter help now. Your kid should not do this trip because she lacks the skills yo do this and it will be a terrible experience. She’ll be even more alienated from other kids, she’ll unfairly burden the chaperones, and she will be miserable and will have learned nothing about coping skills. It will set her back further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.

I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.

... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?

Right because some PP didn’t enjoy her school trip 30 years ago that should weigh into OP’s decision, why?

I'm the church poster. My point is that I had a reason for dreading it and I was right. I knew I'd be excluded from the group and get bullied, feel lonely and awkward and that I would hate it. My mom was like the above person and convinced me that if I just turn my frown upside down (adjust my attitude) it would be fine and fun.

They were wrong. My gut told me the trip was a bad idea and I was right.

I know I spend a lot of time trying to walk that line between teaching my child this lesson or that lesson. But OP's child will have other opportunities between now and college to ease into being away from home. Why throw her into the deep end now, on a multi night trip, when she clearly has reason to believe it will not be good for her?

[Anonymous]

Skip it.

Being ignored and feeling incredibly lonely is the absolute least thing that can happen on an overnight 8th grade trip. Add snuck in alcohol and hormones to that trip and it will be much worse for OP's dd. Just let her skip it.

[Anonymous]

Let her skip it. If it was a mandatory trip for a school project, that might be different.

And yes, you do need to work on the anxiety with your DD. But it doesn’t have to be through this trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her skip it. If it was a mandatory trip for a school project, that might be different.

And yes, you do need to work on the anxiety with your DD. But it doesn’t have to be through this trip.

+1

[Anonymous]

100% skip it, and don't worry about paying back the money. She needs you to have her back, plus your mom radar went off anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents forced me to go to an overnight church retreat that I was dreading. I begged them to let me skip it.

It was terrible, exactly like I expected it to be. Absolutely nothing positive came from it.

Let them skip it.

I’ll argue that it may have been terrible because you were going in with a bad mindset. My dd went to camp with a friend. Friend’s mom was super anxious and talked to friend about all the bad things that *could* happen. The friend showed up already miserable and everything that wasn’t perfect just confirmed how scary and bad that experience would be.

... 'cause very trip is always great for everyone?

Right because some PP didn’t enjoy her school trip 30 years ago that should weigh into OP’s decision, why?

I'm the church poster. My point is that I had a reason for dreading it and I was right. I knew I'd be excluded from the group and get bullied, feel lonely and awkward and that I would hate it. My mom was like the above person and convinced me that if I just turn my frown upside down (adjust my attitude) it would be fine and fun.

They were wrong. My gut told me the trip was a bad idea and I was right.

I know I spend a lot of time trying to walk that line between teaching my child this lesson or that lesson. But OP's child will have other opportunities between now and college to ease into being away from home. Why throw her into the deep end now, on a multi night trip, when she clearly has reason to believe it will not be good for her?

OP’s daughter happily signed up for the trip. She thought she could do it.

[Anonymous]

Skip it. But if you have the opportunity to spend the night away (maybe with grandparents or other family?) encourage her. She should get the experience if doing something tough for her, but in a supportive environment where she is set up for success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

It's difficult to have emotional fortitude when dealing with relentless mean girls. When she made the commitment things might not have been so bad. OP don't force her to go. Let your daughter know you support her. How can you enjoy another country when you're seeing it with nasty people you can't get away from?

Exactly. Also, Toronto is nice, but it's not like she's missing out on something super cool and exotic.