Should we allow DD to skip 8th grade trip?

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she’s not just picking up on your anxiety? You need to work on that or you will pass it to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

This. And I have a kid with anxiety, so it’s not like I don’t understand.

If she has legitimate reasons, like she knows the mean girls are going to target her, then I would consider it. But if it’s just general anxiety about the whole thing, no. Resilience is incredibly important and by taking away struggles we are taking away their opportunity to grow in the face of adversity, to know that they can survive hard situations. I worry that letting her not go just confirms that you think she can’t handle it and then she internalizes that as well—if mom doesn’t think I can handle it then I definitely can’t handle it.

I have had to push my kid with anxiety over the years, past their comfort, guided through difficult situations. And they have grown so much. I have no doubt that if I let them choose to sit out of their uncomfortable situations they would unable to handle life. They agreed as well. So I would sit down and talk this through with your dd. Ask what are the specific reasons. Discuss how she can get through those things.

Agree. I would also struggle implementing this, because as parents we want to make everything easy for our children. But absent of a valid reason for not going- she should go. It’s 3 days. That is nothing. Homesickness and building independence and resilience are things she needs to work on- and this is a great opportunity for that.

[Anonymous]

Have had this discussion with child psychologists. Don’t force your kid to go if they are not ready.

[Anonymous]

She will have such a great time! Don’t let her and your anxiety win. This is a critical inflection point. Do you want her to miss out her whole life?

[Anonymous]

I am not putting down additional money for an optional activity that my kid says they don’t want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

It's difficult to have emotional fortitude when dealing with relentless mean girls. When she made the commitment things might not have been so bad. OP don't force her to go. Let your daughter know you support her. How can you enjoy another country when you're seeing it with nasty people you can't get away from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

This. And I have a kid with anxiety, so it’s not like I don’t understand.

If she has legitimate reasons, like she knows the mean girls are going to target her, then I would consider it. But if it’s just general anxiety about the whole thing, no. Resilience is incredibly important and by taking away struggles we are taking away their opportunity to grow in the face of adversity, to know that they can survive hard situations. I worry that letting her not go just confirms that you think she can’t handle it and then she internalizes that as well—if mom doesn’t think I can handle it then I definitely can’t handle it.

I have had to push my kid with anxiety over the years, past their comfort, guided through difficult situations. And they have grown so much. I have no doubt that if I let them choose to sit out of their uncomfortable situations they would unable to handle life. They agreed as well. So I would sit down and talk this through with your dd. Ask what are the specific reasons. Discuss how she can get through those things.

Agree. I would also struggle implementing this, because as parents we want to make everything easy for our children. But absent of a valid reason for not going- she should go. It’s 3 days. That is nothing. Homesickness and building independence and resilience are things she needs to work on- and this is a great opportunity for that.

3 days of misery.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all of the replies but I think you need to make her go. I had severe anxiety about being away from home but always loved it once I was there. Now I have twins and one did a month of sleep away camp each summer starting early, flew to overseas camps by himself, etc. His twin wouldn’t even do sleepovers. He was so torn about the 8th grade trip so we made a deal that if he was unhappy he’d come home early (I promised whatever bc j knew it wouldn’t happen). He went and said it was one of the best experiences he’d had. Now that they’re in high school I still hear them talk about it. They also made a few different friends on it and kept in touch over the summer before 9th. It was nice to have a wider circle of friends at school starting high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

This. And I have a kid with anxiety, so it’s not like I don’t understand.

If she has legitimate reasons, like she knows the mean girls are going to target her, then I would consider it. But if it’s just general anxiety about the whole thing, no. Resilience is incredibly important and by taking away struggles we are taking away their opportunity to grow in the face of adversity, to know that they can survive hard situations. I worry that letting her not go just confirms that you think she can’t handle it and then she internalizes that as well—if mom doesn’t think I can handle it then I definitely can’t handle it.

I have had to push my kid with anxiety over the years, past their comfort, guided through difficult situations. And they have grown so much. I have no doubt that if I let them choose to sit out of their uncomfortable situations they would unable to handle life. They agreed as well. So I would sit down and talk this through with your dd. Ask what are the specific reasons. Discuss how she can get through those things.

I agree with this completely. I also agree with the other poster to try to set her up for success by ensuring with the school that she has a kind friend assigned as her roommate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine to let her skip it...however I would work on her developing some independence from you.

I worked at a college and we had 17 year olds in the dorms who had never spent a night away from their parents. Most had a terrible time and some quit and went home.

+1. It’s not really about this trip. It’s about why she has so many fears about being without you. She needs to learn confidence and skills and seems to be behind her peers if this is where she is in 8th grade.

[Anonymous]

I would let her skip - if you weren;t going to make her do chores to pay for the trip, I would not make her do chores to skip it. It is good to get her thinking about things like the $150 as a sunk cost.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% make her go.
It's not a big ask. It's 3 days.
Keeping her in a protective bubble where she never has to be uncomfortable or talk to new people or spend time with people who are not 100% warm and friendly is never going to help her develop the skills that she is going to need to make friends in high school, college, work, etc. You are just kicking the can down the road and you'll be on here in 2 years saying that your high school sophomore doesn't have friends and can't relate to classmates and in 5 years saying that your college freshman is miserable and can't find her people.


I have a kid with anxiety. I get that. But a huge part of parenting this kind of kid is making them do hard things in controlled situations (which a 3 day trip is). A kid is not going to learn social confidence by osmosis. It's about learning over time that they can do it.

[Anonymous]

Skip it. She’ll be miserable if she’s never done a sleepover or been away from you. Not worth the trauma and embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

Skip it but you need to work on getting her comfortable with overnights. My daughter was the same way and did not do well on her first few overnights. We sent her to an overnight camp with friends and after the first few days, she was fine. She’s going back this year. She just recently did a 5-day class trip and loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make her go. Society is raising a generation of kids with no emotional fortitude. Three days is not so long that she can't see the end in sight. This is an opportunity to go to another country.

It's difficult to have emotional fortitude when dealing with relentless mean girls. When she made the commitment things might not have been so bad. OP don't force her to go. Let your daughter know you support her. How can you enjoy another country when you're seeing it with nasty people you can't get away from?

The girl is likely 13 or 14. In almost 12 years she hasnt even had a sleepover with family members. This is not about mean girls. While they may exist, it is a pretext for the refusal to go on the sleepover.