Which years “best” to be SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Age 2- First grade to stay home full time. Agree with others tgat 10-15 would be best to be part time or flex time with the ability to be free in the afternoons but not necessary to stay home all day.

[Anonymous]

Being present for the middle school/early HS ages is really helpful. Little kids=little problems, bigger kids=bigger problems.

If you have the flexibility, be around a lot during the 6th - 9th grade time period. It can be a rocky time & being there can really help.

I went part time for 4 yrs when my kids were little. Once my oldest started 1st grade/2nd had a good daycare, I went back to full time. Then back to part time when they hit middle school - because things started to fall apart.

[Anonymous]

I’m kind of bitter that I used my SAH years when the kids were young and now I have to work full time financially. Being a SAH to babies/toddlers/preschoolers is SO hard. So hard. Dealing with tantrums and poppy diapers and zero alone time…it was draining. The parents who say older—- you essentially get 6 quiet hours to yourself 5 days a week. Yes the teen years are hard, but with all that time for self care and the kids can wipe themselves and help with chores, it’s just not the same.

So…my answer is do it when you want, but don’t compare it to a SAH of young ones not yet in school. It’s an entirely different ballgame.

[Anonymous]

First two and a half years are crucial to nurture, breastfeed, replenish your own body after pregnancy and postpartum, then send kids to preschool.

Again when kid turns 10, puberty is a time of change and they need your support and attention.

Again, go back to work once they are 15 and bit settled. Last year is their senior year, college tours, graduation, college selection, dorm shopping and bonding etc before sending your baby off to their campus.

[Anonymous]

This way, you won't have a huge gap on your professional or maternal resume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

+1
I love the advisory role I play when they are in MS. It is so important to be there when the mood strikes - for them, because they are moody - it doesn't always happen after 5pm. My most valuable time with the kids is usually right after school or sports practice, when the day is fresh.

In contrast, little kids are packable and easy to an extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

+1
I love the advisory role I play when they are in MS. It is so important to be there when the mood strikes - for them, because they are moody - it doesn't always happen after 5pm. My most valuable time with the kids is usually right after school or sports practice, when the day is fresh.

In contrast, little kids are packable and easy to an extent.

Our middle school lets out at 2. There is so much bad that can happen. This is when the kids start experimenting with drugs. There are a lot of fights, bullying, mean girls, etc.

Many of my kids’ friends do nothing. They literally play video games all day. Some ride bikes around and get into trouble. I’m sure some people will be ok with this. I want more for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Honestly???

I own my own business and totally liberal but I would say ALL the years are best to be SAHM. Esp with 2+ kids!

Physically it's exhausting prior to age 5. It actually loosens up and I loved the 5-10 age but it is a lot of childcare esp during the week with school.

MS of 11-14 starts the hormones and active kids means a ton of carpools and driving. The weekends are almost non existent and working during the week sucks.

From HS on - you really need to be there for your kids unless they are perfect. I'm not talking about doing things for them and being around all the time but being accessible and aware of how they are doing. It's a lot of mental energy. From 11+ I would say that's the case. Also, any learning disabilities comes out for sure during MS years and any anxiety and mental health issues as well so there's that.

It is so hard to balance a career and parenting. Seriously. Esp a high powered career and for 2 parents to do that with multiple kids is something I've never seen done successfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth-18

I would do this if I had a trust fund or some other source of separate property.

Being a SAHM in the DC area gets really boring unless you have lots of money to spend to play tennis and golf, shop, go to lunch all the time, and attend charity events with other SAHMs. Those are the only women who are home during the day once the kids are older.

Actually, it's more common for women with lower incomes and low levels of education to be SAHMs than it is for wealthier, well-educated moms. But you probably don't interact much with these types of women and definitely wouldn't choose to socialize with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 5 years old.

Agree

No one who ever had a pre teen and teenager who come home at 3 pm believe this!!! Watch out ladies this was the conventional wisdom and then you end up with older kids and see the fallacy. It’s middle and high school!!!

My kid doesn't remember most of their early years or me being at home. They will remember later on.

I don't think the early years are about what they will remember but about the consistent quality care, attachment and stability. Later on, you need to be available and emotionally present but you can do that without giving up work completely, depending on the job.

I was home from birth-youngest age 4/oldest 6. No, they don't remember. But I LOVED that time being home with them and having a life that revolved around caring for little kids and having a bunch of SAHM friends. Having a WAH parent starting middle school allowed us to work + be present to counter any negative after school behavior + handle driving to activities.

I would hope in the future, when I'm retired, I could babysit for my grandchildren but who knows when/if they will have kids. My MIL provided full time childcare for SIL's kids which she otherwise could not have afforded and SIL is now full time childcare for multiple grandchildren. In that part of the family each of the young parents could not otherwise afford quality childcare (had their children very young, didn't go to college) so family care was essential. But I don't think SIL is happy feeling like she has no choice but to be full time care for three children. It's also hindering her ability to earn money and her DH doesn't make much. So not really an ideal situation for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mothers should not work outside the home. Anyone who thinks/does otherwise is either not maternal enough or was not smart enough to marry high-earning man.

You're right. Girls don't even need to be educated since their main purpose in life is to be a breeder for men (and a cook, house keeper, driver, dog walker, etc, etc). After all that is exactly what the Taliban and ISIS have been saying for years! It's God's will to oppress women and those that think differently than you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 5 years old.

Agree

No one who ever had a pre teen and teenager who come home at 3 pm believe this!!! Watch out ladies this was the conventional wisdom and then you end up with older kids and see the fallacy. It’s middle and high school!!!

If you have a flexible schedule or WFH job then it works just as well at this age. They don’t really want to interact after school, it’s just good to be able to keep an eye on them.

This ("Flexible schedule or WFH!") keeps getting brought up, but not every job can be done from home or on a flexible schedule. Even jobs that may have some flexibility, someone coming back to the industry after several years off doesn't have the seniority or current standing to ask for such accommodations right off the bat.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 16 now and I've been PT since the youngest was in 5th. Even knowing everything I know now, I'd still choose 0-5. Yes, its nice to be home with my kids in the afternoons now, but I wouldn't trade 0-5 for anything. It was hard, but it was the pleasure of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 16 now and I've been PT since the youngest was in 5th. Even knowing everything I know now, I'd still choose 0-5. Yes, its nice to be home with my kids in the afternoons now, but I wouldn't trade 0-5 for anything. It was hard, but it was the pleasure of my life.

Which is how long?
The way you worded it, it's not clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 16 now and I've been PT since the youngest was in 5th. Even knowing everything I know now, I'd still choose 0-5. Yes, its nice to be home with my kids in the afternoons now, but I wouldn't trade 0-5 for anything. It was hard, but it was the pleasure of my life.

Which is how long?
The way you worded it, it's not clear.

I’ve been working part time for the past 3.5 years. I’m home when the kids get home. I like that, but no way would I trade being home now with being home when they were little. That time with them was priceless.