Which years “best” to be SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I have been a SAHM for the past 8 years. I normally would say 0-5 but I think 10-15 is when they really need you the most. So many bad things can happen during the tween/teen years. I also find the middle school years to be the most unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have also heard its best to never sahm but retire early and watch your grandchildren. That sounded terrible to me but to each his own.

There is something to that if you can be a young grandparent. My parents are 65 and watch kids on weekends and two days a week and take them to activities after school. Its great all arpund.

I wasn't a SAHM, but I dream of watching grandkids when I retire. I really love children and didn't get the chance to SAH because I needed money. My parents are bored out of their minds in retirement. Traveling sounds nice, but then gets old.

If I could choose to SAH, I'd like birth-18 months and then part time once Kindergarten starts. From 18m-4 my kids were incredibly difficult: stubborn, opinionated and just hard to watch by myself 24/7. Mentally I couldn't have done those years, especially since DH would have had to lean in and work very long hours.

4-8 were very, very enjoyable years with kids. So pleasant and just want to please you. I think a 4 year old should be in a play based pre-k though, not with a SAHM.

What would be your recommendation for the 18m-4 phase? I just entered that and sometimes feel like I’m drowning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth-18

I would do this if I had a trust fund or some other source of separate property.

Being a SAHM in the DC area gets really boring unless you have lots of money to spend to play tennis and golf, shop, go to lunch all the time, and attend charity events with other SAHMs. Those are the only women who are home during the day once the kids are older.

Where is it NOT boring to be a SAHM? Do SAHMs elsewhere in the country do more exciting/interesting/mentally stimulating things? I'm asking this earnestly because I've been a SAHM in DC for a year and I really like parts of it, but also wonder if I will get bored as DC begins to spend more time in outside care.

Not that poster but I'm not bored at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 5 years old.

Agree

No one who ever had a pre teen and teenager who come home at 3 pm believe this!!! Watch out ladies this was the conventional wisdom and then you end up with older kids and see the fallacy. It’s middle and high school!!!

My kid doesn't remember most of their early years or me being at home. They will remember later on.

[Anonymous]

0 to 5 and 12-driving age

[Anonymous]

Another who agrees with middle school-ish years, or tween to driving age, roughly…for the same reasons others have posted.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your environment. In NYC, from middle school onwards the kids do not need nor want a parent escorting them around. The subway and buses are fine. I knew a 4th grader who commuted to SAB afterschool because his mother had two smaller kids and couldn't drag them all to pick him up only to subway another 20 blocks with all 3 kids to drop him off at Lincoln Center.
If you are in car country, I can see why the 10+ years are important to be an on-call chauffeur.
In my case, the 10+ years were when I could work longer hours because the kids got around on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

This

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the thoughtful replies! My child is 18 months and while my window for thinking about SAH parenting was in the short-term, I realize I need to be thinking much longer term, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have also heard its best to never sahm but retire early and watch your grandchildren. That sounded terrible to me but to each his own.

There is something to that if you can be a young grandparent. My parents are 65 and watch kids on weekends and two days a week and take them to activities after school. Its great all arpund.

I wasn't a SAHM, but I dream of watching grandkids when I retire. I really love children and didn't get the chance to SAH because I needed money. My parents are bored out of their minds in retirement. Traveling sounds nice, but then gets old.

If I could choose to SAH, I'd like birth-18 months and then part time once Kindergarten starts. From 18m-4 my kids were incredibly difficult: stubborn, opinionated and just hard to watch by myself 24/7. Mentally I couldn't have done those years, especially since DH would have had to lean in and work very long hours.

4-8 were very, very enjoyable years with kids. So pleasant and just want to please you. I think a 4 year old should be in a play based pre-k though, not with a SAHM.

What would be your recommendation for the 18m-4 phase? I just entered that and sometimes feel like I’m drowning.

Hugs. Those are hard ages. I do think they are valuable times to be there though. You are laying the groundwork for the future. Read “1,2,3 Magic”. That method worked well for us. “Happiest Toddler on the Block” for dealing with the 18m old. And preschool for the older one if you can swing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

Oh wow this really speaks to me. I have a flexible work from home job but want to take on more and work outside of the home, but our eldest is going into 6th grade next year and this feels WAY BIGGER and more important than 2-6 years old. If you can, work during those years up until 4th or 5th grade. But be home from 6th-12th grade if you can! Kids get home earlier and trouble awaits- having an engaged parent at home can make all the difference!!

I disagree. I would much rather stay home during the first five years when attachment and early childhood development is happening. I have a middle schooler and high schooler, and I stay at home with them. They are busy with homework and gone long hours for sports, practice, etc. All I do is cook dinner and drive them around town!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth-18

I would do this if I had a trust fund or some other source of separate property.

Being a SAHM in the DC area gets really boring unless you have lots of money to spend to play tennis and golf, shop, go to lunch all the time, and attend charity events with other SAHMs. Those are the only women who are home during the day once the kids are older.

Where is it NOT boring to be a SAHM? Do SAHMs elsewhere in the country do more exciting/interesting/mentally stimulating things? I'm asking this earnestly because I've been a SAHM in DC for a year and I really like parts of it, but also wonder if I will get bored as DC begins to spend more time in outside care.

My mom was a SAHM until we were old enough to drive, then worked for a bit to help put is through college then eventually retired for good. I can’t swing it but I’ve been talking to her about it because I have young kids of my own and she was not at all bored. She read tons of books, puttered around the house, ran errands, and by the time we were in middle school, played taxi to our various activities. But mostly: read a lot of books. You (or at least I) can’t be bored with an extensive enough library. So apparently rural Pennsylvania is a great nonboring place to be a SAHM (if you like to read).

[Anonymous]

Mothers should not work outside the home. Anyone who thinks/does otherwise is either not maternal enough or was not smart enough to marry high-earning man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your environment. In NYC, from middle school onwards the kids do not need nor want a parent escorting them around. The subway and buses are fine. I knew a 4th grader who commuted to SAB afterschool because his mother had two smaller kids and couldn't drag them all to pick him up only to subway another 20 blocks with all 3 kids to drop him off at Lincoln Center.
If you are in car country, I can see why the 10+ years are important to be an on-call chauffeur.
In my case, the 10+ years were when I could work longer hours because the kids got around on their own.

If it was just driving, then it would be easy to hire someone to do it. That's not the issue, it's that when they're in middle school they need time and attention from you. Often, in suburbia, the car is where that attention happens, because kids are busy, so you need to fit it in around their interests, but those of us who live in places where things are walkable or there's good transportation, still need flexibility to find time with our kids around busy schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

I agree with this, but it's nice to be home during the "little years" before kindergarten, too. During the elementary years, I could keep my children busy for a bit with an activity or tv show so I could jump on a work call, but it's not easy to do that with a two year old. My kids are now in 6th, 7th, and 9th grade. If I stayed home now, I generally wouldn't have much to do in the day other than housework, but having a flexible schedule is valuable because I'm driving them back and forth to activities and such from 3pm onwards. I'm sure it will bring both relief and anxiety once my oldest starts driving.