Which years “best” to be SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have also heard its best to never sahm but retire early and watch your grandchildren. That sounded terrible to me but to each his own.

There is something to that if you can be a young grandparent. My parents are 65 and watch kids on weekends and two days a week and take them to activities after school. Its great all arpund.

I wasn't a SAHM, but I dream of watching grandkids when I retire. I really love children and didn't get the chance to SAH because I needed money. My parents are bored out of their minds in retirement. Traveling sounds nice, but then gets old.

If I could choose to SAH, I'd like birth-18 months and then part time once Kindergarten starts. From 18m-4 my kids were incredibly difficult: stubborn, opinionated and just hard to watch by myself 24/7. Mentally I couldn't have done those years, especially since DH would have had to lean in and work very long hours.

4-8 were very, very enjoyable years with kids. So pleasant and just want to please you. I think a 4 year old should be in a play based pre-k though, not with a SAHM.

They can be in preschool and w a SAHP too. That’s what we did and it worked great for us. Preschool was half day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

Oh wow this really speaks to me. I have a flexible work from home job but want to take on more and work outside of the home, but our eldest is going into 6th grade next year and this feels WAY BIGGER and more important than 2-6 years old. If you can, work during those years up until 4th or 5th grade. But be home from 6th-12th grade if you can! Kids get home earlier and trouble awaits- having an engaged parent at home can make all the difference!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

I agree. The activities are most difficult to manage from about ages 10-15, and those are the ages when they most protest having a nanny or au pair driving them around or helping them with homework.

But with flexible jobs, work from home, etc. it’s easy to work on your laptop from practices, etc. I would be bored out of my mind as a SAHP to kids this age. They’re at school or in sports most of the day.

You would only be bored if you lacked imagination. What do you think you would do, sit by the door like a dog waiting for them to come home? This is a great city, with so much to do, and so many causes in need of your time, so much left to learn and experience. I hope if you chose to SAH and it was a safe financial choice for your family, you would make great use of your time.

I’m a SAHM to three school age kids (with a dog) and I am so freaking busy I don’t have TIME to be bored!

It’s a different kind of exhaustion than when I was working full time with the kids in daycare and dealing with the daily commute, but kids this age have so much going on after school (and on weekends) that I spend all of those hours running around like a chauffeur and if I didn’t accomplish all of the shopping, cleaning, meal prep, laundry, etc. during school hours it would be REALLY difficult to get that stuff done at night without sacrificing serious sleep/family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth-18

I would do this if I had a trust fund or some other source of separate property.

Being a SAHM in the DC area gets really boring unless you have lots of money to spend to play tennis and golf, shop, go to lunch all the time, and attend charity events with other SAHMs. Those are the only women who are home during the day once the kids are older.

Where is it NOT boring to be a SAHM? Do SAHMs elsewhere in the country do more exciting/interesting/mentally stimulating things? I'm asking this earnestly because I've been a SAHM in DC for a year and I really like parts of it, but also wonder if I will get bored as DC begins to spend more time in outside care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 5 years old.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth-18

I would do this if I had a trust fund or some other source of separate property.

Being a SAHM in the DC area gets really boring unless you have lots of money to spend to play tennis and golf, shop, go to lunch all the time, and attend charity events with other SAHMs. Those are the only women who are home during the day once the kids are older.

I’m not bored and I don’t play tennis or golf, or shop, or go out to lunch/hang out w other SAHMs. I exercise, read, write, volunteer in the community, and of course manage our home—cleaning, cooking, organizing, etc. it’s a very fulfilling life for me.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have also heard its best to never sahm but retire early and watch your grandchildren. That sounded terrible to me but to each his own.

This sounds like advice from someone who did this, and while it may be fine if life works out that way, it would be idiotic to advise this plan - for grandkids who may never exist and, even if they do, might have a million reasons for not attending granny daycare (assuming you want to at that point, live close enough, are healthy enough…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 5 years old.

Agree

No one who ever had a pre teen and teenager who come home at 3 pm believe this!!! Watch out ladies this was the conventional wisdom and then you end up with older kids and see the fallacy. It’s middle and high school!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 5 years old.

Agree

No one who ever had a pre teen and teenager who come home at 3 pm believe this!!! Watch out ladies this was the conventional wisdom and then you end up with older kids and see the fallacy. It’s middle and high school!!!

If you have a flexible schedule or WFH job then it works just as well at this age. They don’t really want to interact after school, it’s just good to be able to keep an eye on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: but in my opinion, the best setup is to work until your oldest is at least 10, and when you have a lot of money saved for retirement and fully funded their college accounts, then "retire" to be with them through their teen years. The younger years are the easiest to outsource. By the time your oldest is in elementary school, you should be in a position in your career where you can make demands, like reduced hours and WFH. By middle school, if you've done well, then retire to be a full-time SAHP with financial security.

+1 agree with this. I've been "retired" since my kids started high school and it's been so important - socially, emotionally, and academically - to be present for it all. If I could have stayed home from middle school, I probably would have had a better handle on helping them getting ahead of executive function/studying/organizational skills so critical to HS years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 3 because those are so critical to development, then 4th to 8th because the social 'sh!sh show' begins. If you kids end up having special needs, that changes things.

Agree with this. I think 0-3 is just so fundamental to their development. I know it’s hard, but it’s such a key time.

If finances are tough then spacing close together is the only way to do this. With a 3 year gap the OP would be home for 6 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Birth-18

I would do this if I had a trust fund or some other source of separate property.

Being a SAHM in the DC area gets really boring unless you have lots of money to spend to play tennis and golf, shop, go to lunch all the time, and attend charity events with other SAHMs. Those are the only women who are home during the day once the kids are older.

Again, use your imagination better. There is far more to do than this silly list (which, btw, matches exactly no one that I know who stays at home).

Actually this pretty much matches the SAHMs of older kids that I know.

Clearly people have different experiences. I know a fair number of stay at home moms of older kids and this doesn't describe any of them.

[Anonymous]

IMO, “best” years to stay at home are the middle school years.

[Anonymous]

best to be at home with them? How about all 18? It doesn't last that long.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. And the parent. And their relationship. And your lifestyle (do you live in a city where middle schoolers can go to activates alone or a rural sea with lots of driving, one example). It’s going to vary among families, maybe even between kids within the same family. I think you should figure out what’s best for you and then use the time wisely.