Which years “best” to be SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I am working full time but thinking about staying home with my daughter (and hopefully a second) at some point. We’re lucky to be able to swing it financially for a short period of time but not forever.
Our kids will be at least 2.5 years apart.
I’m curious for parents of littles who have done both, which ages would you consider the best to get out of the workplace, get rid of childcare and be at home with kids?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

[Anonymous]

Birth to 5 years old.

[Anonymous]

I worked the whole time and now my oldest is in 2nd and i want to scale back and be able to get her from school, adventure on days off and summers and breaks. When kids were in daycare it was so much easier schedule wise and they didnt appreciate a bigger trip etc.

[Anonymous]

Birth to 3 because those are so critical to development, then 4th to 8th because the social 'sh!sh show' begins. If you kids end up having special needs, that changes things.

[Anonymous]

I worked full time until my oldest was four years old and my second was 15 months old and then switched to part time (oldest is now in 3rd grade.) I agree with PP that it was much easier to balance our schedules as two full time working parents with the daycare schedule compared to the school schedule because schools have so many more days off.

[Anonymous]

Preschool, middle school and senior year are some I've felt were important or others have mentioned as helpful but this depends on your and your kid's needs. Someone might insist on certain years that your kid would not need a sahm at all for. Many would say a school aged kid does not need a sahm at all while your kid might be one who could really be helped by it. Don't outsource this advice

[Anonymous]

Being a SAHM to two little kids is really, really difficult. It's definitely not for everybody! You may think you'll enjoy it and then find it to be hell.

[Anonymous]

Birth-18

[Anonymous]

I have also heard its best to never sahm but retire early and watch your grandchildren. That sounded terrible to me but to each his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

I WOH, but I'd agree with this.

Realize it's a controversial take, but I actually felt like the baby/toddler years were easiest to outsource care. The older they get, the more complicated things got, and it felt like the caretaker needed to be a family member.

[Anonymous]

Staying home until they start full-day school, then work full time until they hit 7th grade at which point work part time so I'm home during the after-school hours has been perfect for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Birth to 3 because those are so critical to development, then 4th to 8th because the social 'sh!sh show' begins. If you kids end up having special needs, that changes things.

Agree with this. I think 0-3 is just so fundamental to their development. I know it’s hard, but it’s such a key time.

[Anonymous]

Birth to school. Those are the years when kids need full time caregiving.

I am a big believer that if you have a family you have a responsibility to house, feed, clothe and pay for the expenses for them so I am not a fan of parents not working while kids are in school. I think both parents have financial responsibilities to the family they created and I think that some financial independence and stability is important for all adults. On a temporary basis when the parents are full time caregivers, it makes sense.

I also think that both parents should have time with the kids versus the expectation that one person's role is to work long hours and be a wallet / atm to pay for housing, food, clothing, healthcare, vacations, extracurriculars etc at the expense of being able to be an active involved parent. I think both parents should be active involved parents who share the financial and emotional and hands on responsibilities for their children. Doesn't have to be 50/50 but not 0/100.

And one person who gets 6-7 hours off most days to do as they please is in many cases going to be grounds for resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a SAHP for over 15 years, but I would say the most valuable years were from 5th or 6th grade to 9th grade. Kids in late elementary/middle school become involved in more activities like scouts, sports, and music lessons and it’s a lot easier to manage with a SAHP or one with a very flexible schedule. When kids get to high school, they can often catch rides with older neighbors or friends, or ride the activity bus.

I agree. The activities are most difficult to manage from about ages 10-15, and those are the ages when they most protest having a nanny or au pair driving them around or helping them with homework.