Things that embarrass you about your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.

Your DH has sleep apnea, get him to the doctor. That is absolutely text book signs.

isn't sleep apnea waking yourself up with a start?

Sometimes, but not always. Many people with apnea don't realize they have apnea because they don't ever wake fully, but their brain wakes from restful sleep to minimal sleep many times per night in effort to get the body to breathe again. It's very destructive to mental health because of the chronic sleep deprivation and also to organ health because of the chronic low O2 saturation due to apnea episodes throughout the night - Carrie Fisher died due to the complications of untreated sleep apnea https://sleepeducation.org/death-carrie-fisher-warning-sleep-apnea/ and those complications are epidemic in our society, there are millions of people living with untreated apnea. Snoring is a common sympton in folks with apnea, but some don't snore much if at all, so it's really important to get tested, especially if you've gained weight in adulthood or have been overweigh/obese since childhood - some people with apnea are normal weight and the structures in their throats are just faulty, many people with apnea are overweight/obese and the fat in the throat area is causing them to stop breathing properly in sleep.


As to the issue with teeth - poster, you should sit down with some research in hand and talk to your husband about what his quality of life will be like in another decade of two when his teeth have deteriorated to the point that he can't properly chew food. I've been in healthcare for a decade with folks from midlife into elder years and it's very sad to see people who cannot eat properly because they neglected dental care in their younger years. Dentures are not fun, and implants are the only solid choice once teeth have severely deteriorated, and they are hella expensive. He needs to get to a dentist now or start saving for the $50-90k he'll need to replace his teeth if he doesn't get going on salvaging what's left.

Thank you so much for this detailed response. I’m trying so hard to get him to go to the dentist. But I think he is very scared an embarrassed about how his teeth look. I even volunteered to go with him, and he keeps canceling the appointment.

Same for the snoring. He just refuses to go to the doctor. He has gained weight, he’s probably the heaviest he’s ever been. I even recorded him snoring so he could see how bad he sounds.

I’m going to talk to him again tonight. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

He's a long-talker. He gets really into his topic and isn't great about noticing social cues when people are glazing over. BUT in his defense, it's usually about something super interesting or something esoteric that someone will find interesting. That's really it. Everything else that might be embarrassing is really just a quirk, and I dig it

[Anonymous]

He's a know it all. Or maybe he just thinks he knows it all. I ignore him.
He likes to show he's superior to his brother because his brother isn't intellectually life savvy. It's mean. It really bothers me.
No matter what he sees on YouTube he can do it. No he can't. Ex. the window he broke "fixing" it. It was an arched tinted window and cost to replace by an expert $2000.
I told him not to invest in Bitcoin yet he did it anyway. Now he can't get his money.
I don't care WHAT show is on tv, he is better at it. He made some moonshine and didn't research it enough and it tastes HORRIBLE. He's planning on making more.
He told me he was going to take up woodworking. I asked what kind ? And he said carving duck decoys. This is a man that bought an expensive piece of plywood to make an arch for the front door. When he finished it was 3 feet by 3 feet and maybe 2 inches wide and looked like crap. He threw it away.
He watches Homestead Rescue and decided he was going to build his own shed. He should never ever EVER have a saw, a hammer, anything sharp, paint and money. I have two words for his in progress build : SNUFFY SMITH.
I heard him recently talk to his friend in Texas. I caught him using that Texas drawl. He claims he wasn't. LIAR. I recorded him. LOL.
He passes gas in front of people and says it's his allergies acting up.
He never shuts up. On and on and on about whatever he's doing. We need a wrap it up box.
He corrects people. It's rude. Very rude.
I think he was born without that embarrassed gene. His family says what they think out loud. When I got seriously sick my husband took care of me. After it was over and I could manage my own bathing he told me I smelled so bad he thought he would throw up. Now how the hell am I supposed to react to that ? Same man I caught crying at the foot of my bed while I was asleep at 5 am deathly ill asking me to wake up because he was afraid I was dying ? Like our cat that died from old age. Help me Jesus.
Last but not least, he burns the front yard black every spring because he saw an Alaskan show where fire burnt up lots of acreage and grew back lush and green. Yes it worked but he's the ONLY one in the neighborhood that does that.

I need a vacation from him. He's getting on my last nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.

This must be very hard on your marital love-life (Ie sex).

If you're going to spell it out anyway, why be coy in the first place? Also--everyone knew what you meant without the explanation.

[Anonymous]

My husband is loud and that’s embarrassing for me. So loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a know it all. Or maybe he just thinks he knows it all. I ignore him.
He likes to show he's superior to his brother because his brother isn't intellectually life savvy. It's mean. It really bothers me.
No matter what he sees on YouTube he can do it. No he can't. Ex. the window he broke "fixing" it. It was an arched tinted window and cost to replace by an expert $2000.
I told him not to invest in Bitcoin yet he did it anyway. Now he can't get his money.
I don't care WHAT show is on tv, he is better at it. He made some moonshine and didn't research it enough and it tastes HORRIBLE. He's planning on making more.
He told me he was going to take up woodworking. I asked what kind ? And he said carving duck decoys. This is a man that bought an expensive piece of plywood to make an arch for the front door. When he finished it was 3 feet by 3 feet and maybe 2 inches wide and looked like crap. He threw it away.
He watches Homestead Rescue and decided he was going to build his own shed. He should never ever EVER have a saw, a hammer, anything sharp, paint and money. I have two words for his in progress build : SNUFFY SMITH.
I heard him recently talk to his friend in Texas. I caught him using that Texas drawl. He claims he wasn't. LIAR. I recorded him. LOL.
He passes gas in front of people and says it's his allergies acting up.
He never shuts up. On and on and on about whatever he's doing. We need a wrap it up box.
He corrects people. It's rude. Very rude.
I think he was born without that embarrassed gene. His family says what they think out loud. When I got seriously sick my husband took care of me. After it was over and I could manage my own bathing he told me I smelled so bad he thought he would throw up. Now how the hell am I supposed to react to that ? Same man I caught crying at the foot of my bed while I was asleep at 5 am deathly ill asking me to wake up because he was afraid I was dying ? Like our cat that died from old age. Help me Jesus.
Last but not least, he burns the front yard black every spring because he saw an Alaskan show where fire burnt up lots of acreage and grew back lush and green. Yes it worked but he's the ONLY one in the neighborhood that does that.

I need a vacation from him. He's getting on my last nerve.

Oh boy. Mine too. I don’t think I have seen him embarrassed about anything. Ever. In 20+ years. It is bizarre actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has really smelly farts all the time. Drives me crazy and awkward with guests. Tried to tell him to get it checked out, but he refuses.

Slip him some probiotics.

Smelly farts are the sign of a healthy and active gut fermenting waste product.

He needs to learn to have courtesy enough to step out of the room to pass gas, especially in the company of guests. I doubt very much there is anything wrong with his gut, the problem is in his manners.

Sure. But for me it's a sign that I'm eating too much sugar or dairy. Clearly my gut is working. But when I drop the sugar and dairy, I stop farting. So what's behind the farts?

I don't eat sugar and eat dairy sparingly. I do eat tons of fiber and I fart 10-15 times a day, which my gastro doc says is perfectly normal and the sign on a healthy gut consuming a healthy diet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has really smelly farts all the time. Drives me crazy and awkward with guests. Tried to tell him to get it checked out, but he refuses.

He has divertulosis. When he reaches 50 and has his first colonoscopy, this will be confirmed.

There is no treatment. Probiotics do not affect the flatulence.

Insurance pays for a first colonoscopy at 45 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a know it all. Or maybe he just thinks he knows it all. I ignore him.
He likes to show he's superior to his brother because his brother isn't intellectually life savvy. It's mean. It really bothers me.
No matter what he sees on YouTube he can do it. No he can't. Ex. the window he broke "fixing" it. It was an arched tinted window and cost to replace by an expert $2000.
I told him not to invest in Bitcoin yet he did it anyway. Now he can't get his money.
I don't care WHAT show is on tv, he is better at it. He made some moonshine and didn't research it enough and it tastes HORRIBLE. He's planning on making more.
He told me he was going to take up woodworking. I asked what kind ? And he said carving duck decoys. This is a man that bought an expensive piece of plywood to make an arch for the front door. When he finished it was 3 feet by 3 feet and maybe 2 inches wide and looked like crap. He threw it away.
He watches Homestead Rescue and decided he was going to build his own shed. He should never ever EVER have a saw, a hammer, anything sharp, paint and money. I have two words for his in progress build : SNUFFY SMITH.
I heard him recently talk to his friend in Texas. I caught him using that Texas drawl. He claims he wasn't. LIAR. I recorded him. LOL.
He passes gas in front of people and says it's his allergies acting up.
He never shuts up. On and on and on about whatever he's doing. We need a wrap it up box.
He corrects people. It's rude. Very rude.
I think he was born without that embarrassed gene. His family says what they think out loud. When I got seriously sick my husband took care of me. After it was over and I could manage my own bathing he told me I smelled so bad he thought he would throw up. Now how the hell am I supposed to react to that ? Same man I caught crying at the foot of my bed while I was asleep at 5 am deathly ill asking me to wake up because he was afraid I was dying ? Like our cat that died from old age. Help me Jesus.
Last but not least, he burns the front yard black every spring because he saw an Alaskan show where fire burnt up lots of acreage and grew back lush and green. Yes it worked but he's the ONLY one in the neighborhood that does that.

I need a vacation from him. He's getting on my last nerve.

How did you come to marry this man and why do you remain married?

[Anonymous]

The way he treats me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.

Your DH has sleep apnea, get him to the doctor. That is absolutely text book signs.

isn't sleep apnea waking yourself up with a start?

Sometimes, but not always. Many people with apnea don't realize they have apnea because they don't ever wake fully, but their brain wakes from restful sleep to minimal sleep many times per night in effort to get the body to breathe again. It's very destructive to mental health because of the chronic sleep deprivation and also to organ health because of the chronic low O2 saturation due to apnea episodes throughout the night - Carrie Fisher died due to the complications of untreated sleep apnea https://sleepeducation.org/death-carrie-fisher-warning-sleep-apnea/ and those complications are epidemic in our society, there are millions of people living with untreated apnea. Snoring is a common sympton in folks with apnea, but some don't snore much if at all, so it's really important to get tested, especially if you've gained weight in adulthood or have been overweigh/obese since childhood - some people with apnea are normal weight and the structures in their throats are just faulty, many people with apnea are overweight/obese and the fat in the throat area is causing them to stop breathing properly in sleep.


As to the issue with teeth - poster, you should sit down with some research in hand and talk to your husband about what his quality of life will be like in another decade of two when his teeth have deteriorated to the point that he can't properly chew food. I've been in healthcare for a decade with folks from midlife into elder years and it's very sad to see people who cannot eat properly because they neglected dental care in their younger years. Dentures are not fun, and implants are the only solid choice once teeth have severely deteriorated, and they are hella expensive. He needs to get to a dentist now or start saving for the $50-90k he'll need to replace his teeth if he doesn't get going on salvaging what's left.

Thank you so much for this detailed response. I’m trying so hard to get him to go to the dentist. But I think he is very scared an embarrassed about how his teeth look. I even volunteered to go with him, and he keeps canceling the appointment.

Same for the snoring. He just refuses to go to the doctor. He has gained weight, he’s probably the heaviest he’s ever been. I even recorded him snoring so he could see how bad he sounds.

I’m going to talk to him again tonight. Thanks.

He might be embarassed about his teeth, but he might also have dentist anxiety - it's a widespread issue. There are dental practices which specialize in treating modalities that address patient anxiety, so you might look into that. As far as motivating him to go - does he love a good steak? Because he won't be able to eat one except pureed in the blender in his golden years if he doesn't bite the bullet and tackle this head on now. It's always best to keep your own teeth if you can - and it really doesn't matter a lot to the dentist how they look, only that they are healthy. If you don't have a dentist you already trust, definitely get recommendations from people who do - there are bad dentists out there who will overtreat and overcharge and that's the last thing you need with your husband already anxious about it.

As to the sleep apnea - there are home tests now which are not nearly as good as a sleep study in clinic, but which can at least give him the opportunity to get the initial diagnosis in the comfort of his own bed and then maybe you can convince him that it's worth the sleep study to get a total picture of his apnea and sleep patterns. After that, just be super loving and supportive about the CPAP (which is the best therapy) he'll need to treat it. I remember being very self conscious about needing CPAP therapy at first, but it changed my life - I realized after the first night on the machine that I'd had apnea my whole life, which my doctor suspected due to the way my throat looked upon exam. I'd always been a snorer, tossed and turned and woke up to a messy bed, and had many terrifying episodes in my childhood when I woke up in my brain but couldn't breathe or move my body. That's all gone with CPAP, I sleep like a baby and never feel tired in the daytime except when I'm really sick with a virus or migraine - and migraines reduced a lot after apnea treatment.

The machines are whisper quiet these days, and they make nasal pillow masks which aren't even really a mask - they are very unobstrusive and easy to sleep with.

Stand firm, approach from a place of love. He will thank you in the long run if he is wise enough to follow your lead.

[Anonymous]

I embarrassed my DH recently when I was interrupty at a small party. I think it was social nerves, trying to fit in. But it hurt me to hear that he was embarrassed by me. Oh, well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.

Your DH has sleep apnea, get him to the doctor. That is absolutely text book signs.

isn't sleep apnea waking yourself up with a start?

Sometimes, but not always. Many people with apnea don't realize they have apnea because they don't ever wake fully, but their brain wakes from restful sleep to minimal sleep many times per night in effort to get the body to breathe again. It's very destructive to mental health because of the chronic sleep deprivation and also to organ health because of the chronic low O2 saturation due to apnea episodes throughout the night - Carrie Fisher died due to the complications of untreated sleep apnea https://sleepeducation.org/death-carrie-fisher-warning-sleep-apnea/ and those complications are epidemic in our society, there are millions of people living with untreated apnea. Snoring is a common sympton in folks with apnea, but some don't snore much if at all, so it's really important to get tested, especially if you've gained weight in adulthood or have been overweigh/obese since childhood - some people with apnea are normal weight and the structures in their throats are just faulty, many people with apnea are overweight/obese and the fat in the throat area is causing them to stop breathing properly in sleep.


As to the issue with teeth - poster, you should sit down with some research in hand and talk to your husband about what his quality of life will be like in another decade of two when his teeth have deteriorated to the point that he can't properly chew food. I've been in healthcare for a decade with folks from midlife into elder years and it's very sad to see people who cannot eat properly because they neglected dental care in their younger years. Dentures are not fun, and implants are the only solid choice once teeth have severely deteriorated, and they are hella expensive. He needs to get to a dentist now or start saving for the $50-90k he'll need to replace his teeth if he doesn't get going on salvaging what's left.

Thank you so much for this detailed response. I’m trying so hard to get him to go to the dentist. But I think he is very scared an embarrassed about how his teeth look. I even volunteered to go with him, and he keeps canceling the appointment.

Same for the snoring. He just refuses to go to the doctor. He has gained weight, he’s probably the heaviest he’s ever been. I even recorded him snoring so he could see how bad he sounds.

I’m going to talk to him again tonight. Thanks.

He might be embarassed about his teeth, but he might also have dentist anxiety - it's a widespread issue. There are dental practices which specialize in treating modalities that address patient anxiety, so you might look into that. As far as motivating him to go - does he love a good steak? Because he won't be able to eat one except pureed in the blender in his golden years if he doesn't bite the bullet and tackle this head on now. It's always best to keep your own teeth if you can - and it really doesn't matter a lot to the dentist how they look, only that they are healthy. If you don't have a dentist you already trust, definitely get recommendations from people who do - there are bad dentists out there who will overtreat and overcharge and that's the last thing you need with your husband already anxious about it.

As to the sleep apnea - there are home tests now which are not nearly as good as a sleep study in clinic, but which can at least give him the opportunity to get the initial diagnosis in the comfort of his own bed and then maybe you can convince him that it's worth the sleep study to get a total picture of his apnea and sleep patterns. After that, just be super loving and supportive about the CPAP (which is the best therapy) he'll need to treat it. I remember being very self conscious about needing CPAP therapy at first, but it changed my life - I realized after the first night on the machine that I'd had apnea my whole life, which my doctor suspected due to the way my throat looked upon exam. I'd always been a snorer, tossed and turned and woke up to a messy bed, and had many terrifying episodes in my childhood when I woke up in my brain but couldn't breathe or move my body. That's all gone with CPAP, I sleep like a baby and never feel tired in the daytime except when I'm really sick with a virus or migraine - and migraines reduced a lot after apnea treatment.

The machines are whisper quiet these days, and they make nasal pillow masks which aren't even really a mask - they are very unobstrusive and easy to sleep with.

Stand firm, approach from a place of love. He will thank you in the long run if he is wise enough to follow your lead.

I should also add for your arsenal: a lot of people don't understand that any decay in the mouth goes into the bloodstream and damages the heart. So if he's got cavities, bad tartar buildup, infection or gum disease it isn't just affecting his mouth/teeth - it's greatly increasing the possibility of developing heart disease over time. https://www.colgate.com/en-us/oral-health/heart-disease/how-oral-health-and-heart-disease-are-connected

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a know it all. Or maybe he just thinks he knows it all. I ignore him.
He likes to show he's superior to his brother because his brother isn't intellectually life savvy. It's mean. It really bothers me.
No matter what he sees on YouTube he can do it. No he can't. Ex. the window he broke "fixing" it. It was an arched tinted window and cost to replace by an expert $2000.
I told him not to invest in Bitcoin yet he did it anyway. Now he can't get his money.
I don't care WHAT show is on tv, he is better at it. He made some moonshine and didn't research it enough and it tastes HORRIBLE. He's planning on making more.
He told me he was going to take up woodworking. I asked what kind ? And he said carving duck decoys. This is a man that bought an expensive piece of plywood to make an arch for the front door. When he finished it was 3 feet by 3 feet and maybe 2 inches wide and looked like crap. He threw it away.
He watches Homestead Rescue and decided he was going to build his own shed. He should never ever EVER have a saw, a hammer, anything sharp, paint and money. I have two words for his in progress build : SNUFFY SMITH.
I heard him recently talk to his friend in Texas. I caught him using that Texas drawl. He claims he wasn't. LIAR. I recorded him. LOL.
He passes gas in front of people and says it's his allergies acting up.
He never shuts up. On and on and on about whatever he's doing. We need a wrap it up box.
He corrects people. It's rude. Very rude.
I think he was born without that embarrassed gene. His family says what they think out loud. When I got seriously sick my husband took care of me. After it was over and I could manage my own bathing he told me I smelled so bad he thought he would throw up. Now how the hell am I supposed to react to that ? Same man I caught crying at the foot of my bed while I was asleep at 5 am deathly ill asking me to wake up because he was afraid I was dying ? Like our cat that died from old age. Help me Jesus.
Last but not least, he burns the front yard black every spring because he saw an Alaskan show where fire burnt up lots of acreage and grew back lush and green. Yes it worked but he's the ONLY one in the neighborhood that does that.

I need a vacation from him. He's getting on my last nerve.

Omg. What a nutty professor weirdo.

Did you have kids? Did they survive??

He seems so clueless. But worse. The only thing worse than a clueless ignorant person is one who thinks they’re not!
He doesn’t know his limits, and they’re severe!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a know it all. Or maybe he just thinks he knows it all. I ignore him.
He likes to show he's superior to his brother because his brother isn't intellectually life savvy. It's mean. It really bothers me.
No matter what he sees on YouTube he can do it. No he can't. Ex. the window he broke "fixing" it. It was an arched tinted window and cost to replace by an expert $2000.
I told him not to invest in Bitcoin yet he did it anyway. Now he can't get his money.
I don't care WHAT show is on tv, he is better at it. He made some moonshine and didn't research it enough and it tastes HORRIBLE. He's planning on making more.
He told me he was going to take up woodworking. I asked what kind ? And he said carving duck decoys. This is a man that bought an expensive piece of plywood to make an arch for the front door. When he finished it was 3 feet by 3 feet and maybe 2 inches wide and looked like crap. He threw it away.
He watches Homestead Rescue and decided he was going to build his own shed. He should never ever EVER have a saw, a hammer, anything sharp, paint and money. I have two words for his in progress build : SNUFFY SMITH.
I heard him recently talk to his friend in Texas. I caught him using that Texas drawl. He claims he wasn't. LIAR. I recorded him. LOL.
He passes gas in front of people and says it's his allergies acting up.
He never shuts up. On and on and on about whatever he's doing. We need a wrap it up box.
He corrects people. It's rude. Very rude.
I think he was born without that embarrassed gene. His family says what they think out loud. When I got seriously sick my husband took care of me. After it was over and I could manage my own bathing he told me I smelled so bad he thought he would throw up. Now how the hell am I supposed to react to that ? Same man I caught crying at the foot of my bed while I was asleep at 5 am deathly ill asking me to wake up because he was afraid I was dying ? Like our cat that died from old age. Help me Jesus.
Last but not least, he burns the front yard black every spring because he saw an Alaskan show where fire burnt up lots of acreage and grew back lush and green. Yes it worked but he's the ONLY one in the neighborhood that does that.

I need a vacation from him. He's getting on my last nerve.

How did you come to marry this man and why do you remain married?

We're 46 years in and although he has these minuses the pluses out way any thoughts of divorce. And yes, we have children, all grown and living out of state. He treats me well, he treats our children well, their married partners LOVE him, his grandchildren ADORE him. He never limits anything I want to do, he's generous to a fault and he worked very hard his whole life. Let's just say since he's been retired for 3 years now I think he's just looking for something to do but he refuses to research it. Retirement seems to have been the trigger. Maybe he can build me a tiny house next.