Things that embarrass you about your spouse

[Anonymous]

Also op - I cannot speak to him about the tattoo I don’t think. Maybe? Can you actually laser tattoos off or does it just leave a tattoo shaped scar?

[Anonymous]

My spouse has ASD/ADHD. We're both immigrants and have only the vaguest idea of where each state is located. I could not reliably spell Massachusetts or Mississippi without spell check.

There is no room for shame or guilt!

I focus on his high IQ and other positive qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's chewing is so loud I can't stand to eat at the same table with him any more. I have a very long list. He went to the bathroom at 430. He's currently snoring but I'm still up.

Yes these things. Plus, I think his whole family must have been taught to be super annoying eaters. They're English and have table manners in the sense they "know" what to do, but they scrape their fork on their teeth and drag their utensils across their plate (nails on a chalk board). They also scrape their plate clean like they are starving- I'm from the Midwest this is just rude.

DH also has and UC british accent, but when he feels insecure or nervous, he does this working class accent subconsciously. So annoying!

[Anonymous]

Bad teeth
Very old, worn out, out of style clothes despite being an executive
Doesn’t care at all about home improvement including necessary repairs
Doesn’t take trash out when it smells (he agreed to do this bc he doesn’t do much else around the house)
Knows nothing of news, current events, pop culture
Doesn’t hold doors open for others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obese
Boring
No common sense
Doesn’t read the news or books, just work stuff
No hobbies, sports or interests (unless you count iPhones)

When did you meet my spouse? Mine doesn't like to cook, clean, or be productive in anyway even though she's a SAHM of only one child who's 12 (in school 7 hours a day).

[Anonymous]

Overweight and wears shirts that gap between the buttons because he doesn’t want to admit he needs to size up. Puts his feet up on the coffee table when we have guests over. Has an awkward, too-loud laugh in social settings.

[Anonymous]

My spouse would say it's that I interrupt people.

[Anonymous]

My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time there is something about my spouse that embarasses me I feel like a bad person. There are not so many things but number one would be his tattoo which I thought was edgy and cool in late 20s but in 40s it has not aged well at all. Number two is his proclivity for imitating people’s accents subconsciously when speaking to them - I think in an effort to relate? And number 3 is his oblivion to when people need a drink top up.

I feel so so so so bad that I find these things embarrassing. Is it normal to have things about your spouse that embarrass you or a sign there is something v wrong? I don’t think there is anything I can do about them except point out the drink thing.

No, it's not normal or healthy to "have things about your spouse that embarrass you." That absolutely is a sign that there's something wrong -- not necessarily with the relationship, but rather with you. It's a good thing to discuss with a therapist, to gain a better understanding of this character defect.

[Anonymous]

She's fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's chewing is so loud I can't stand to eat at the same table with him any more. I have a very long list. He went to the bathroom at 430. He's currently snoring but I'm still up.

That's a list of resentments, not embarrassments. Resentments lead to contempt. Contempt leads to divorce.

It's a toxic way to think. It's not normal or healthy. Nip it in the bud, or you will either be divorced, miserable, or both.,

[Anonymous]

Too fat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is an immigrant and still doesn’t know where or what Massachusetts is. I just find it galling that someone could live in a country for 15+ years and be so uninterested in where they live that they don’t have a grasp of major regions. Yes, I showed him a map. Yes I told him that’s where Harvard is. It bothers me that Massachusetts has come up several times in conversation with outside people and he is still so, so confused. He gets this panicked blank look that only I understand. He is similarly disinterested in a lot of things about America including basics about politics and it still bugs me. But otherwise he is a good husband and pretty intelligent.

Yeah, well, I feel like if you have to tell him that that’s where Harvard is like Harvard is that big of a deal then the problem is with both of you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is an immigrant and still doesn’t know where or what Massachusetts is. I just find it galling that someone could live in a country for 15+ years and be so uninterested in where they live that they don’t have a grasp of major regions. Yes, I showed him a map. Yes I told him that’s where Harvard is. It bothers me that Massachusetts has come up several times in conversation with outside people and he is still so, so confused. He gets this panicked blank look that only I understand. He is similarly disinterested in a lot of things about America including basics about politics and it still bugs me. But otherwise he is a good husband and pretty intelligent.

Yeah, well, I feel like if you have to tell him that that’s where Harvard is like Harvard is that big of a deal then the problem is with both of you

did your kid not get into harvard or something?
i mean it is a pretty big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's chewing is so loud I can't stand to eat at the same table with him any more. I have a very long list. He went to the bathroom at 430. He's currently snoring but I'm still up.

That's a list of resentments, not embarrassments. Resentments lead to contempt. Contempt leads to divorce.

It's a toxic way to think. It's not normal or healthy. Nip it in the bud, or you will either be divorced, miserable, or both.,

woah super helpful advice; 'stop feeling your feelings'. TAKEN and wow. life changing.