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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH goes to sleep around 750pm every day. He does have to wake up early, but it seems like he can’t stay awake past 8pm to save his life. Then I have to listen to his loud and scary snoring for hours. He wears clothes from Costco.

Over the last few years he has let his teeth deteriorate and will not go to the dentist. I think he’s embarrassed.

But I’m reaching a boiling point on these things (among others). He is a very good father and provider, but I feel like that’s all he is to me now. I’ve tried to talk to him about these things and it goes no where.[/quote]

Your DH has sleep apnea, get him to the doctor. That is absolutely text book signs.[/quote]

isn't sleep apnea waking yourself up with a start?[/quote]

Sometimes, but not always. Many people with apnea don't realize they have apnea because they don't ever wake fully, but their brain wakes from restful sleep to minimal sleep many times per night in effort to get the body to breathe again. It's very destructive to mental health because of the chronic sleep deprivation and also to organ health because of the chronic low O2 saturation due to apnea episodes throughout the night - Carrie Fisher died due to the complications of untreated sleep apnea https://sleepeducation.org/death-carrie-fisher-warning-sleep-apnea/ and those complications are epidemic in our society, there are millions of people living with untreated apnea. Snoring is a common sympton in folks with apnea, but some don't snore much if at all, so it's really important to get tested, especially if you've gained weight in adulthood or have been overweigh/obese since childhood - some people with apnea are normal weight and the structures in their throats are just faulty, many people with apnea are overweight/obese and the fat in the throat area is causing them to stop breathing properly in sleep.

As to the issue with teeth - poster, you should sit down with some research in hand and talk to your husband about what his quality of life will be like in another decade of two when his teeth have deteriorated to the point that he can't properly chew food. I've been in healthcare for a decade with folks from midlife into elder years and it's very sad to see people who cannot eat properly because they neglected dental care in their younger years. Dentures are not fun, and implants are the only solid choice once teeth have severely deteriorated, and they are hella expensive. He needs to get to a dentist now or start saving for the $50-90k he'll need to replace his teeth if he doesn't get going on salvaging what's left.
[/quote]

Thank you so much for this detailed response. I’m trying so hard to get him to go to the dentist. But I think he is very scared an embarrassed about how his teeth look. I even volunteered to go with him, and he keeps canceling the appointment.

Same for the snoring. He just refuses to go to the doctor. He has gained weight, he’s probably the heaviest he’s ever been. I even recorded him snoring so he could see how bad he sounds.

I’m going to talk to him again tonight.  Thanks.[/quote]

He might be embarassed about his teeth, but he might also have dentist anxiety - it's a widespread issue. There are dental practices which specialize in treating modalities that address patient anxiety, so you might look into that. As far as motivating him to go - does he love a good steak? Because he won't be able to eat one except pureed in the blender in his golden years if he doesn't bite the bullet and tackle this head on now. It's always best to keep your own teeth if you can - and it really doesn't matter a lot to the dentist how they look, only that they are healthy. If you don't have a dentist you already trust, definitely get recommendations from people who do - there are bad dentists out there who will overtreat and overcharge and that's the last thing you need with your husband already anxious about it.

As to the sleep apnea - there are home tests now which are not nearly as good as a sleep study in clinic, but which can at least give him the opportunity to get the initial diagnosis in the comfort of his own bed and then maybe you can convince him that it's worth the sleep study to get a total picture of his apnea and sleep patterns. After that, just be super loving and supportive about the CPAP (which is the best therapy) he'll need to treat it. I remember being very self conscious about needing CPAP therapy at first, but it changed my life - I realized after the first night on the machine that I'd had apnea my whole life, which my doctor suspected due to the way my throat looked upon exam. I'd always been a snorer, tossed and turned and woke up to a messy bed, and had many terrifying episodes in my childhood when I woke up in my brain but couldn't breathe or move my body. That's all gone with CPAP, I sleep like a baby and never feel tired in the daytime except when I'm really sick with a virus or migraine - and migraines reduced a lot after apnea treatment.

The machines are whisper quiet these days, and they make nasal pillow masks which aren't even really a mask - they are very unobstrusive and easy to sleep with.

Stand firm, approach from a place of love. He will thank you in the long run if he is wise enough to follow your lead.  [/quote]

I should also add for your arsenal: a lot of people don't understand that any decay in the mouth goes into the bloodstream and damages the heart. So if he's got cavities, bad tartar buildup, infection or gum disease it isn't just affecting his mouth/teeth - it's greatly increasing the possibility of developing heart disease over time. https://www.colgate.com/en-us/oral-health/heart-disease/how-oral-health-and-heart-disease-are-connected
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