Any help with teens that sneak out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I caught my child sneaking out, even once, I would take their phone for 3 months minimum. Same with vaping, or other intentional lying/deception. I think the issue is all of your children are not afraid of you.

It’s so easy to say this until it happens, but the reality is your teen will get a burner phone and still go behind your back. And you will be under a false sense of security that they are learning their lesson.

Why does your teen have access to the amount of money needed for a burner phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I caught my child sneaking out, even once, I would take their phone for 3 months minimum. Same with vaping, or other intentional lying/deception. I think the issue is all of your children are not afraid of you.

They don’t need a phone to sneak out or meet up with friends. They’ll just do it the same way we did before cell phones.

I have girls. I assure you they want their phones more than they want to sneak out and sit in the cold woods.

They aren’t in the woods anymore. There are enough broken families and kids with a single parent who works 3rd shift. There are also weekday night parties. And if your daughter doesn’t have a phone, she either has a burner, or will use her friends phone while sneaking out to view/use all of her social media accounts. They usually have a friend doing streaks regardless.

Using a friend’s phone for a moment will have a much lower impact than having unfiltered access at all times of the day/night. I don’t understand this argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I caught my child sneaking out, even once, I would take their phone for 3 months minimum. Same with vaping, or other intentional lying/deception. I think the issue is all of your children are not afraid of you.

They don’t need a phone to sneak out or meet up with friends. They’ll just do it the same way we did before cell phones.

I have girls. I assure you they want their phones more than they want to sneak out and sit in the cold woods.

They aren’t in the woods anymore. There are enough broken families and kids with a single parent who works 3rd shift. There are also weekday night parties. And if your daughter doesn’t have a phone, she either has a burner, or will use her friends phone while sneaking out to view/use all of her social media accounts. They usually have a friend doing streaks regardless.

Using a friend’s phone for a moment will have a much lower impact than having unfiltered access at all times of the day/night. I don’t understand this argument.

Because they are still going to sneak out with or without a phone. They are still going to use their grieves phones. They probably have an old used one or a burner phone too.

The point is if they are in the wrong group and succumb to peer pressure, it’s really hard to stop. And usually it’s because there is more going on with the teen. Issues with school, family, etc….

As parents have to remove the friends out of the equation. The kid needs help, therapy, maybe an anti-depressant, maybe a sleeping med, maybe get tested for ADHD and a lot more eyes on them. Full health work up to make sure they aren’t low on anything. You can’t give up on a kid like this. Family therapy really helped for us. Parents/teen and then a few sessions with siblings too. Some kids just get lost and boys especially, hold a lot inside.

Some of you all come in here never having a kid with issues and having your holier than thou suggestions and opinions.

[Anonymous]

PP it is tough. Pay no kind to judge mental parents. My first two kids were a breeze and my last is pushing every boundary and patience I have.

[Anonymous]

OP, you gotta go tough or it will continue to happen. No sleepovers. Curfew. Check their bed. Avoid problem kids. Get them involved in sports and activities to keep them busy. Two forms of monitoring phone once he gets it back. 360 and find my friends/phone.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

I guess my kids just like money more than yours do. Because I have the money. And if they want the money (for all their activities and clothes and socializing) and the rides, etc. then they play by the (very reasonable) rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my kids just like money more than yours do. Because I have the money. And if they want the money (for all their activities and clothes and socializing) and the rides, etc. then they play by the (very reasonable) rules.

And you think all kids care about name brands and doing activities? How entitled are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my kids just like money more than yours do. Because I have the money. And if they want the money (for all their activities and clothes and socializing) and the rides, etc. then they play by the (very reasonable) rules.

And you think all kids care about name brands and doing activities? How entitled are you?

All kids want money for something.

[Anonymous]

I was a troubled teen & turned out fine. When I first got in trouble (sneaking out, drugs), my parents went super strict with me and it only made me act out more. Then they got me into both individual and family therapy. We learned to understand each other and by the end of high school they were able to trust me with lots of freedom. I went to a good college, have a good career, and ended up with a great relationship with my parents. I think it's important to seek genuine help for a kid that's acting out instead of trying to control them. A kid who wants to sneak out will always sneak out, but you can help them get to a place where they don't want to. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my kids just like money more than yours do. Because I have the money. And if they want the money (for all their activities and clothes and socializing) and the rides, etc. then they play by the (very reasonable) rules.

And you think all kids care about name brands and doing activities? How entitled are you?

All kids want money for something.

And kids that are having issues find a lot of ways to get money than their parents. Drug dealing, stealing, shop lifting, etc….

If they want money for drugs/alcohol, etc… that’s how they get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a troubled teen & turned out fine. When I first got in trouble (sneaking out, drugs), my parents went super strict with me and it only made me act out more. Then they got me into both individual and family therapy. We learned to understand each other and by the end of high school they were able to trust me with lots of freedom. I went to a good college, have a good career, and ended up with a great relationship with my parents. I think it's important to seek genuine help for a kid that's acting out instead of trying to control them. A kid who wants to sneak out will always sneak out, but you can help them get to a place where they don't want to. Good luck!

We did therapy, anti anxiety med, multi Vit, and magnesium at night. Told them we would check their bed every 2 hours if needed.

Cut off their apple pay, Uber account, and started a severely limited screen time and set down time on the phone. Took the tv/computer out of their room.

The biggest was put them in activities that was 4/5 weekdays and also weekends. It was the only way to steer them from the crowd they were hanging with. It took away the peer pressure by saying “I have this” and then they found new friends, first on teams and gym, and then in school.

Found out they were vaping nic and weed too. Once they started activities that had to stop as their lungs were crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I caught my child sneaking out, even once, I would take their phone for 3 months minimum. Same with vaping, or other intentional lying/deception. I think the issue is all of your children are not afraid of you.

It’s so easy to say this until it happens, but the reality is your teen will get a burner phone and still go behind your back. And you will be under a false sense of security that they are learning their lesson.

Why does your teen have access to the amount of money needed for a burner phone?

Most just get an old phone from their own house or a friend and sign in with the their Apple ID and use it on wifi. My kid can also download apps on his computer or smart tv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I caught my child sneaking out, even once, I would take their phone for 3 months minimum. Same with vaping, or other intentional lying/deception. I think the issue is all of your children are not afraid of you.

It’s so easy to say this until it happens, but the reality is your teen will get a burner phone and still go behind your back. And you will be under a false sense of security that they are learning their lesson.

Why does your teen have access to the amount of money needed for a burner phone?

Most just get an old phone from their own house or a friend and sign in with the their Apple ID and use it on wifi. My kid can also download apps on his computer or smart tv.

I didn’t even think about his laptop - kids are always one up on parents. LOL

[Anonymous]

OP, if it’s a one time thing, it happens. Teens do this here or there. But if they hang with the wrong crowd, grades are slipping, and they are acting off (drugs, alcohol or nic) then I would be concerned. I would take a look at their phone and check their room/backpack if that is the case. I hope it is just a one time thing. Not sure about looping ring or freezing location apps. I know kids turn off or delete the app to freeze the location but then it will show it’s never updating. But otherwise you might need to look that up on Reddit or tik tok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it’s a one time thing, it happens. Teens do this here or there. But if they hang with the wrong crowd, grades are slipping, and they are acting off (drugs, alcohol or nic) then I would be concerned. I would take a look at their phone and check their room/backpack if that is the case. I hope it is just a one time thing. Not sure about looping ring or freezing location apps. I know kids turn off or delete the app to freeze the location but then it will show it’s never updating. But otherwise you might need to look that up on Reddit or tik tok.

Agree with going on social media to find the latest hacks. But you can only outsmart tech savvy teens so much