Any help with teens that sneak out?

[Anonymous]

My advice is to work to improve the communication and honesty in your relationship with your child and to address the root of why he is drawn to this new friend group. Try and talk with him and figure out what the friend group is providing that he needs and then try and strategize with him other ways to fill this need. If he is bored and wants exciting risky activities help him look into adventure sports- outdoor rock climbing, full contact marshal arts, skiing….etc…. If he is lacking community, help him find other groups to be part of. If he lacks social skills to make other friends, get him into a social skills building group. —-Basically try and help him meet this needs. Also look into if there are ways you could be less restrictive to give him more freedom so he will have less motivation to sneak around your rules. I am not saying allow him to do anything he wants, just see if you and he can compromise a bit. A teen determined to sneak out will succeed no matter what you do. If you allow more freedom, you might in the long run end up with him making less risky decisions and also with him letting you know where he is. He is old enough also that he could get a job. This would help limit times of day he is free, which could also help with bad decision making.

[Anonymous]

If you have controlled every aspect of his life up to this point, then he is bucking up against your control.

[Anonymous]

I have gotten better compliance and safe behavior by allowing more. If her and a friend meet up at a local park at 1am Saturday a couple blocks away, they get the thrill but really it’s super safe around here and I know where she is.

Also you aren’t going to catch it all and I wouldn’t try. You’ll drive yourself crazy. If you catch it, punish and deal with it. But a bunch of cameras alarms and locks will make them sneakier. I’d give my kid a big lecture about driving around with a young driver more than sneaking out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have controlled every aspect of his life up to this point, then he is bucking up against your control.

Where did the OP say that? Sounds like his new friend group is the issue

[Anonymous]

With our home security system, it's impossible to sneak in or out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have controlled every aspect of his life up to this point, then he is bucking up against your control.

I hate parents like you.

Have no idea what is going on
No helpful comments
Just judgement

[Anonymous]

But why is he sneaking around? That there is the issue. Focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But why is he sneaking around? That there is the issue. Focus on that.

Are you serious? To party with friends I am sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have controlled every aspect of his life up to this point, then he is bucking up against your control.

Where did the OP say that? Sounds like his new friend group is the issue

Yes - but he sought out these friends. So if it wasn’t these kids it would likely be other kids making similar choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonym[b wrote:ous]I'd make him write a three page essay single spaced by hand about why sneaking out is not okay. Then he has to present it to the family. [/b]

Also, put chimes on that back window, on the outside so he'll knock into them, or lock the window.

What do you think this will solve? What behavior will change bc of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have controlled every aspect of his life up to this point, then he is bucking up against your control.

Where did the OP say that? Sounds like his new friend group is the issue

Yes - but he sought out these friends. So if it wasn’t these kids it would likely be other kids making similar choices.

But you were blaming OP’s parenting and it’s ridiculous to assume that

[Anonymous]

We moved ds's bedroom close to ours. Second floor so the window wasn't an option.

[Anonymous]

We put in a sensor light in the upstairs and downstairs hallways. Have a full alarm system that chimes if any widow or door is open and the settings is right by my bedside. This helps if I don’t want to stay up when they are coming in later too. It records in/outs of doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i kinda feel like sneaking out is a rite of passage. I’ve only caught my son once, i’m sure it’s more, but i don’t go out of my way to turn the house into Alcatraz.

Rite of passage for rebellious kids who hang out with a bad crowd, maybe. But, no, not all teens do this. I know my now freshman in college didn't; I know 15 yr old DD doesn't; she's too fearful.

We have an old house, and the floor creaks a lot. The stairs are just outside our bedroom. Bedrooms are on the second floor with no trellis or tree that they can use to climb down. And I'm a light sleeper. I told DH that the only good thing about the floors being so creaky was that we could hear people on the steps. I tried myself to be light on my feet when the kids were younger. Doesn't work.

Agree with PPs.. get a window alarm, but you still need to figure out why keeps doing this. How are his grades?

[Anonymous]

I literally don't understand this. Even if DD wanted to sneak out, none of her friends would want to meet in the middle of the night. They are more the bake brownies and watch a movie type.