Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?

[Anonymous]

From the ages/spacing of your kids it looks like this is when you would normally start thinking of the next kid. Could part of it be that?

The big questions I would ask myself are--

how do you handle saying no to your kids? Because with 4 you will have to say no to them and miss more of their events.

How are you with finding time for your marriage?

Are you someone who would rather feel stretched thin or sometimes feel like your life isn't full enough? (And do you have ideas of ways to create that "fullness"?)

Do you have support of nearby family who help with childcare? (Understanding that situation can change due to health reasons--I'd avoid relying on grandparents for instance.)

I understand the concept of feeling like someone is missing because I did feel that way, and then didn't after we had our youngest.

At the same time, in your position I would not consider having a fourth. I think you appreciate any and all available bandwidth in the ages you are heading toward--middle school with your oldest may be a big transition ... and having 3 kids at 3 different schools is no joke.

Also--one beautiful thing about having bandwidth is that you may end up with a bonus kid of sorts through a friend of one of your children who needs a bit extra. We are in that situation and it's been absolutely lovely for all of us.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. I’m 35 and about to have my third and final child. You have three healthy kids and I wouldn’t push it at 40. But I understand the feeling of not being done and that being hard to live with.

[Anonymous]

3 years is a great age gap with your youngest. If you want to, yes, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Go for it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Wish OP would come back and update! I had voted no way.

[Anonymous]

No way! It gets harder as they get older. Just wait for middle school. Plus you have to reset the clock again with all the baby stuff, and they’ll be a 10 year age gap at least between the oldest and youngest. Hard no for me. I have three, and also considered a 4th, so I understand the urge for one more. Now that I’m parenting older kids, I’m so so so glad we stayed at 3.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Of course as with any pregnancy you have to weigh the risks and benefits. What if the fourth has severe disabilities? You’ll be stretched having four kids. I took the risk with an almost identical age span, but it was via adoption. I can say it was an awesome decision in terms of the kid, but due to unforeseen circumstances my ex and I are now divorced. So divorced with four kids, imagine that.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course!!! Go for it! Don’t crowdsource this. You’re not too old! 40 with three is ok to have a fourth. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the “our family doesn’t feel complete” thing. What exactly does that feel like? Do you get some sort of sign? Did I get a sign that told me “two is plenty!” and I just don’t remember?

The only person I knew IRL who said this has 5 kids. Is this something people say to rationalize having more kids?

Emptiness. Your kid is lonely. You want to be with a baby again. You have extra space in the house. The house is too quiet and sterile and needs to be filled with laughter, family and the fun of an additional kid.

She already has 3 kids.

You could have 10 kids and still feel lonely and empty inside. Someone could just live by themselves and be content. It's a state of mind.

[Anonymous]

No. What is it that you are looking for that you dont already have?

[Anonymous]

I's all about money. I went for my first at 40! Now i'm 60 and thrilled to have my son in college, coming home for Christmas with his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I’m 7 months pregnant with a surprise third, plus a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old. I am 37 and can’t imagine doing this again a fourth time! I am in good shape and doing fine but this was much easier when I was 32 😂

You could have terminated.

[Anonymous]

Op here - surprised to see this old thread! No we didn’t go for a 4th. With 3 kids in 3 different sports (travel included) it has gotten insane. Fall and spring we have 10-12 games and practices a week, not to mention other things like therapies and tutoring. I can’t imagine adding a baby to the mix. Some days I do get wistful and wish we could have had a 4th but I should have done it when baby 3 was 2. Baby 3 is about to turn 5 and I can’t imagine going back to infant hood.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for updating! I didn't realize it was an older thread. I wrote the first reply on this page about needing more bandwidth as they get older... sounds like you're there ... with a lovely, happy, and full life.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. My first 2 pregnancies were easy, the third at almost 40 brought me to my knees with HG. He's a high needs child that still doesn't sleep through the night at age 3 and just challenges me in every way possible despite my parenting him the same way as I have my first two children. I partially attribute this to the personality he was born with, and partially to me being too old for this sh*t. I'm utterly obsessed with him as I am with all of my kids but don't assume that because it went smoothly with the first 3 that the fourth will be a walk in the park. Father Time is not on your side.