Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?

[Anonymous]

Would you go for a 4th kid if you were already 40? Some days I just don't feel like our family is complete. Add to it the general hard dynamic of 3 kids, I feel like we should try for a 4th. BUT I am 40 and I am worried about being an older parent. Current kids are 3, 7 and 9 years old. Have a mix of girls and boys so its not like we are trying for one gender or another. If it weren't for covid we would have gone for a 4th when our youngest was 2 but I was so nervous about being in lock down again with young kids. Thoughts? If you did go for your 4th how old were you?

[Anonymous]

No. Kids are expensive and the world is overpopulated. Your current kids don’t want to divide your attention any further. Whatever you are searching for, I doubt a 4th kid is it.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine doing that, no.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. I’m 7 months pregnant with a surprise third, plus a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old. I am 37 and can’t imagine doing this again a fourth time! I am in good shape and doing fine but this was much easier when I was 32 😂

[Anonymous]

No. Too much can go wrong with the 4th.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 (not yet driving) teens and they have so many evening activities and carpool needs. Right now you can have laid back evenings and choose low activities, but once they start loving a sport or an art, you'll be all over the place. 4 kids makes it much harder to manage all that.

[Anonymous]

No. Absolutely not. Your family is complete when you stop having kids. If you keep on popping them out like a pez dispenser it will never be complete.

[Anonymous]

No, friend did and had multiple complicated miscarriages including second tri loss. They finally called it quits but it took a lot out of her energy and health and for what?

You are in the golden years when it’s as easy as it’s going to get. Rough waters lie ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Kids are expensive and the world is overpopulated. Your current kids don’t want to divide your attention any further. Whatever you are searching for, I doubt a 4th kid is it.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

No, and I also won’t be going for a third at 39.

[Anonymous]

I never understood the “our family doesn’t feel complete” thing. What exactly does that feel like? Do you get some sort of sign? Did I get a sign that told me “two is plenty!” and I just don’t remember?

The only person I knew IRL who said this has 5 kids. Is this something people say to rationalize having more kids?

[Anonymous]

Sure, come join me in the wonderful world of losing multiple pregnancies a year! In all seriousness, absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the “our family doesn’t feel complete” thing. What exactly does that feel like? Do you get some sort of sign? Did I get a sign that told me “two is plenty!” and I just don’t remember?

The only person I knew IRL who said this has 5 kids. Is this something people say to rationalize having more kids?

Emptiness. Your kid is lonely. You want to be with a baby again. You have extra space in the house. The house is too quiet and sterile and needs to be filled with laughter, family and the fun of an additional kid.

[Anonymous]

I know so many people who had a healthy and beloved 4th or 5th kid in their early or mid 40s.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you aren't really an "older" parent if you have a range of kids like you do. It used to be very common for families to have many kids and women were delivering well into their 40s. Your older kids can also be helpful.

I also wouldn't let the fear that you will have a miscarriage stop you from completing your family. But be prepared for a tougher journey than the earlier pregnancies. Also be emotionally prepared for the possibility you try and don't get a 4th.