Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for all the replies. I am still on the fence but might bring it up to DH. We have the money for it but not sure I can imagine being 60 with a 20 year old! My parents are 68 and I am 40!

I wish we started having kids younger. Then I would definitely have had 4.

You had one at 37? How is having a 20 year old at 60 much different than having a 23 year old at 60? You were already an old mom right

Op - I had my last one at 36. But yes you are probably right. I am an old mom! [/quote]

I wouldn't say that but I would say enjoy the family you have!

[Anonymous]

Only if children are your life. Only if you love being with children more than anything else. Otherwise what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If all three of your kids are healthy and have developed typically, you have kind of won the lotto. Think about how a kid with SN would impact the rest of your family. I wouldn’t roll those dice.

That's what made my decision at 38. We had three healthy kids and miscarried our fourth at 12 weeks. I didn't try again because I couldn't shake the fact that miscarriage often happens because nature dictates something was wrong. There are a million things that could go wrong and I could be perfectly happy with three kids. If I had felt strongly about four kids, I would have decided differently, but I viewed the fourth as more of a bonus. I would have tried for years to have my third though. I really wanted three kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If all three of your kids are healthy and have developed typically, you have kind of won the lotto. Think about how a kid with SN would impact the rest of your family. I wouldn’t roll those dice.

+1 and this is how I felt after two. Plus I wanted to give my kids individualized time and attention. That’s hard enough with two.

Also mild SN don’t always present right away. One of mine has anxiety we didn’t know about until 3rd grade and the other one has tons of allergies and it’s just a lot. Love them to bits and so glad we are able to manage so well with just the two.

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird that if it weren't for Covid you would have tried a year ago (pretty much post-Covid, but whatever) when you were 39, but now it seems shocking to you to try at 40. These are not appreciably different ages.

If your family is not complete, then you should try for another. But if you're just having the typical "am I *really* ready to call it done" ambivalence, then stick with your three. Three is already a pretty big number of kids in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

Get a dog. I’m serious. That’s what we did. I’m 39 with 3 kids and a dog. Life is good.

[Anonymous]

No. Don’t recommend it. You will be menopausal soon and that really affects your ability to parent. I’m fatigued all the time. I had a child at 40, she’s now 8 and I am having a hard time keeping up. Hormones are tough and no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for all the replies. I am still on the fence but might bring it up to DH. We have the money for it but not sure I can imagine being 60 with a 20 year old! My parents are 68 and I am 40!

I wish we started having kids younger. Then I would definitely have had 4.

You had one at 37? How is having a 20 year old at 60 much different than having a 23 year old at 60? You were already an old mom right

Op - I had my last one at 36. But yes you are probably right. I am an old mom! [/quote]

I wouldn't say that but I would say enjoy the family you have!

How is she an old mom now and not at 36? They are both AMA and only 4 years apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - thanks for all the replies. I am still on the fence but might bring it up to DH. We have the money for it but not sure I can imagine being 60 with a 20 year old! My parents are 68 and I am 40!

I wish we started having kids younger. Then I would definitely have had 4.

You had one at 37? How is having a 20 year old at 60 much different than having a 23 year old at 60? You were already an old mom right

Op - I had my last one at 36. But yes you are probably right. I am an old mom! [/quote]

I wouldn't say that but I would say enjoy the family you have!

How is she an old mom now and not at 36? They are both AMA and only 4 years apart.

You aren’t in your 40s yet, are you? Being in your 40s is way more exhausting.

[Anonymous]

What did you end up doing? Was curious! I’m 40 and pregnant with my 4th!

[Anonymous]

No! Get a puppy to fill the void!

[Anonymous]

I had my fifth baby at 42 years old. I had a wonderful pregnancy/birth.

[Anonymous]

Go for it! If you are feeling it, try for a year and see what happens. We have five and they are all amazing! I was 42 when my fifth was born.

[Anonymous]

Your kid was 2 last year. Covid was already long over. I personally would have gone for it then.

I also have 3 and thought about a fourth at age 40-41. DH wasn’t on board and we didn’t go for it.

For me, I did not want to risk having a child with special needs. We already had 3 healthy kids.

[Anonymous]

I am 40 with same exact age kids (wonder if any of my friends are reading this thinking it’s me) and I cannot imagine another pregnancy right now let alone a whole extra human to take care of. Not to mention just re-setting the baby clock and going back to diapers plus the gap of dealing with a kid hitting the cusp of puberty and all that goes with it while also waking at night with a baby.

But lots of people have babies at 40 (although you may be 41 by the time they’d be born). So I wouldn’t let age alone stop you, if your heart is set on a 4th do it before your window closes.