Go for a 4th when you are 40 years old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know so many people who had a healthy and beloved 4th or 5th kid in their early or mid 40s.

As a former special education teacher I know a lot of people who had a very very difficult time with their 3rd or 4th child and looked like grandparents showing up to the middle or high school IEP meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know so many people who had a healthy and beloved 4th or 5th kid in their early or mid 40s.

As a former special education teacher I know a lot of people who had a very very difficult time with their 3rd or 4th child and looked like grandparents showing up to the middle or high school IEP meetings.

We know several parents whose last child has special needs. I would not risk it if I had 2-3 healthy kids already.

If I was childless, I absolutely would go for a baby:

[Anonymous]

Your dynamic is hard with 3 but you think a 4th will make it better? Nope. Nope. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Well I did it at 38. About to give birth and the other kids are 4, 7 and 7. Luckily all genetic testing came back with no alarming results. We have the financial resources and wanted a 4th so why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say no BUT this is different. I say no to 3, but if you have 3 then you need a 4th. Never stop with an uneven number. Your middle is screwed unless there are 2 middles, then everyone is unique again. Have the 4th!

I'm a middle that would never do that to anyone. If I accidentally had 3, I would purposefully have 4.

This is SO g-dd--m stupid.

-parent of 3 whom you could not pay to have a fourth

[Anonymous]

Yes, and think what having a special needs fourth would do to your ability to spend quality time with kids 1 to 3. You would be short-changing them too, because of some inchoate notion that your family didn’t feel “complete”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at all the naysayers. If OP has the resources and fertility to have a 4th, why not? Many people, especially in this area, do have the resources to easily have a 4th or 5th in their early 40’s. Y’all sound poor.

They have more hours in the day? Because your kids will end up neglected and resentful if not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say no BUT this is different. I say no to 3, but if you have 3 then you need a 4th. Never stop with an uneven number. Your middle is screwed unless there are 2 middles, then everyone is unique again. Have the 4th!

I'm a middle that would never do that to anyone. If I accidentally had 3, I would purposefully have 4.

This is SO g-dd--m stupid.

-parent of 3 whom you could not pay to have a fourth

*G-dd--n 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally I would say no BUT this is different. I say no to 3, but if you have 3 then you need a 4th. Never stop with an uneven number. Your middle is screwed unless there are 2 middles, then everyone is unique again. Have the 4th!

I'm a middle that would never do that to anyone. If I accidentally had 3, I would purposefully have 4.

This is SO g-dd--m stupid.

-parent of 3 whom you could not pay to have a fourth

I have to agree that this was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read on this site.

[Anonymous]

heck.no.

[Anonymous]

If all three of your kids are healthy and have developed typically, you have kind of won the lotto. Think about how a kid with SN would impact the rest of your family. I wouldn’t roll those dice.

[Anonymous]

Also I guess I’d consider what kind of help you have and can afford. If you have a super involved DH and don’t work, I can see it. But handling all the things that go with that age spread without a local grandparent or the money to basically hire one would be extremely difficult. Do you older kids do activities?

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine. I’m 38 with a 4, 6, and 9 year old (two boys and one girl). I thought about a 4th briefly — but I don’t have any more time — I already feel like I don’t get enough 1-1 time with three of them. I’m also so tired!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you go for a 4th kid if you were already 40? Some days I just don't feel like our family is complete. Add to it the general hard dynamic of 3 kids, I feel like we should try for a 4th. BUT I am 40 and I am worried about being an older parent. Current kids are 3, 7 and 9 years old. Have a mix of girls and boys so its not like we are trying for one gender or another. If it weren't for covid we would have gone for a 4th when our youngest was 2 but I was so nervous about being in lock down again with young kids. Thoughts? If you did go for your 4th how old were you?

No. the more kids you have the less time/energy/money you have to spend on the kids already here. Just let your family becomplete

[Anonymous]

Go for it! You won’t regret it. My older 3 have gained so much from having a baby in the family and the extra love and joy it brings cannot compare to anything else. Not to mention a lifelong sibling relationship.