DW acting as if nothing is happening during divorce mediation

[Anonymous]

Is it you our resident lesbian? Who has not stopped for a minute of gossiping about your wife to dcum and probably all the others you can get to listen to you?
If it is you, I do not trust a word you write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a reason you have not moved out?

Who knows what is going on with her but I personally would not be able to deal with this, emotionally. If my spouse unilaterally wanted a divorce, with no effort at counseling, I'd get out of there and be polite but use the "gray rock" strategy towards her otherwise.

It may be that she has a mental illness or does not have relationship skills and asked for divorce and now sees no way out of it. It may be that she wants a divorce and would prefer to be just friends with you and is ignoring how devastating this is for you.

Who knows, but I'd be out of there. People do occasionally remarry. But right now she gets to "divorce" you without actually having to emotionally detach from you, and you don't seem to be making it clear to her that this detachment is necessary.

maybe i missed it but

A) WHY does/did she want a divorce?

B) WHY does she not want to do solo or couples therapy? (My reason had been married to an abusive narcissist who lied to doctors and therapists point blank, even about his Dx's. But I told him: No, No more therapy with an abusive person.

Not Op but the reason is irrelevant and no one wants to do therapy once they have decided they are done.

Well then. I’ll assume she has a valid, well thought out reason. No one divorces as a fluke or random reason. In fact most cases it was a couple years of personal deliberations

[Anonymous]

Very interesting. Seems that many women think that her behavior is normal.

OP is coming to term with what happens when women no longer love you. When a woman loves you she will do anything. When she stops loving you she will say/do things that she may not even realize are hurtful.

[Anonymous]

How the f***ck is this normal? Sending sexual jokes to a soon to be husband after they haven’t been initimate in months….come on people. And she also told him that she thinks she has ADD after reading a book folks this woman is not right in the head. While it’s not her job to close things, basic human decency dictates that you don’t spend 45 mins on the phone talking about non-divorce/kids stuff to a man YOU CHOSE to divorce……Women can be really cruel….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a reason you have not moved out?

Who knows what is going on with her but I personally would not be able to deal with this, emotionally. If my spouse unilaterally wanted a divorce, with no effort at counseling, I'd get out of there and be polite but use the "gray rock" strategy towards her otherwise.

It may be that she has a mental illness or does not have relationship skills and asked for divorce and now sees no way out of it. It may be that she wants a divorce and would prefer to be just friends with you and is ignoring how devastating this is for you.

Who knows, but I'd be out of there. People do occasionally remarry. But right now she gets to "divorce" you without actually having to emotionally detach from you, and you don't seem to be making it clear to her that this detachment is necessary.

maybe i missed it but

A) WHY does/did she want a divorce?

B) WHY does she not want to do solo or couples therapy? (My reason had been married to an abusive narcissist who lied to doctors and therapists point blank, even about his Dx's. But I told him: No, No more therapy with an abusive person.

Not Op but the reason is irrelevant and no one wants to do therapy once they have decided they are done.

Well then. I’ll assume she has a valid, well thought out reason. No one divorces as a fluke or random reason. In fact most cases it was a couple years of personal deliberations

It is usually not one reason. And the reason or reasons are irrelevant and yes, it takes years to pull the trigger. No reason for couples therapy.

[Anonymous]

You should not be riding a motorbike if you have kids. Very irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it you our resident lesbian? Who has not stopped for a minute of gossiping about your wife to dcum and probably all the others you can get to listen to you?
If it is you, I do not trust a word you write.

NP. WTF - check yourself. Gossiping to dcum? It’s an anonymous website. Don’t act unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For instance, she still texts me random stuff (funny text messages, sexual jokes, etc...), she calls me and tells me about her day (like last night we were on the phone for 50 mins). We have not had sex in over 7 months, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms.

This morning she comes into my room wakes me up and tells me about a book that she is reading about ADD and she thinks she has ADD.

I do not want to play psychologists online since mental illness is very serious, but what you are describing is clearly not a normal behavior. If she was f***king someone or if she has a secret boyfriend waiting, I do not think she would give you 5 mins of her time....

Honestly continue listening to her etc until the divorce is final. Once the divorce is final, cut all communications unless kids-related.

I am sorry OP, but this could be a mess post-divorce. My gut feeling is that this woman may very well make your life hell post-divorce......She needs to a mental health professional ASAP.

Could be that she feels guilty about her indiscretion and trying to have an "amicable" divorce in front of the kids so they don't blame her.

This is what I think and what I have seen play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a reason you have not moved out?

Who knows what is going on with her but I personally would not be able to deal with this, emotionally. If my spouse unilaterally wanted a divorce, with no effort at counseling, I'd get out of there and be polite but use the "gray rock" strategy towards her otherwise.

It may be that she has a mental illness or does not have relationship skills and asked for divorce and now sees no way out of it. It may be that she wants a divorce and would prefer to be just friends with you and is ignoring how devastating this is for you.

Who knows, but I'd be out of there. People do occasionally remarry. But right now she gets to "divorce" you without actually having to emotionally detach from you, and you don't seem to be making it clear to her that this detachment is necessary.

His wife wants the divorce, she moves out.

That is not how it works. At all. Whoever can afford to stay keeps the property and the other moves. It has zero to do with who wants the divorce. He can vacate if he wants. She does not have to.

There's the legal and financial realities but emotionally, the one who moves out is the one who is abandoning the children. He didn't ask for the divorce, she did, so why should he abandon his children. If someone leaves before they are required to sell the house and establish separate homes, then she should go.

[Anonymous]

As a woman, this is all perfectly clear to me. She wants to divorce you but she wants to opt out of witnessing the pain her decisions are inflicting on you. So she acts as if you two are friends and is still availing herself of the "friend" benefits.

Do not be confused. Stop engaging. Be polite and minimal, communicate only about the kids.

Above all, stop trying to talk her to "figure out" what's going on. You know what's going on.

My best advice to you is beyond the kids, focus on yourself, visibly do things for yourself, and it wouldn't hurt to have some female company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, this is all perfectly clear to me. She wants to divorce you but she wants to opt out of witnessing the pain her decisions are inflicting on you. So she acts as if you two are friends and is still availing herself of the "friend" benefits.

Do not be confused. Stop engaging. Be polite and minimal, communicate only about the kids.

Above all, stop trying to talk her to "figure out" what's going on. You know what's going on.

My best advice to you is beyond the kids, focus on yourself, visibly do things for yourself, and it wouldn't hurt to have some female company.

I'm in a similar situation, and your post is like bucket of cold water.

[Anonymous]

Leave it to the women of dcum to rationalize unhinged behavior as long as it’s done by women

[Anonymous]

Bring home another woman. That will change her tune real quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring home another woman. That will change her tune real quick.

My exh could have screwed an entire cheerleading squad in front of me and I would not have cared.

[Anonymous]

Her behavior is not normal. Ye she moved on. But only women on this forum will rationalize the behavior of a woman who elected to divorce him and barge into his room early in the morning sharing with him that may ADHD after reading a book, or having a conversation with me about non divorce topics for 45 mins.

Women have a monopoly when it comes to divorce. No matter which reasons they advance or how they behave during it, they will be regarded as victim.

So now the poor guy has to sit around an rationalize her stupid behavior.