DW acting as if nothing is happening during divorce mediation

[Anonymous]

We are currently in divorce mediation and the behavior of DW is just strange or maybe I am the weird one. She asked for divorce a year ago, and I initially suggested couple therapy, but she declined and just wanted to divorce ASAP. So, we are currently in mediation and things are going well. Please tell me if I am wrong to feel this way but, in my opinion, while divorcing couples do remain "amicable" I don't think daily interactions should go on as if nothing is happening in the relationship. For instance, she still texts me random stuff (funny text messages, sexual jokes, etc...), she calls me and tells me about her day (like last night we were on the phone for 50 mins). We have not had sex in over 7 months, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms. Basically, I am trying to distance myself from her because she no longer wants to remain married to me and the only reason, I have not pushed back on her acting the same way when our marriage was working is because we are in mediation (going well so far) and I don't want to show anger around our kids in the house.

This morning she comes into my room wakes me up and tells me about a book that she is reading about ADD and she thinks she has ADD. Some days she is in an extremely bad mood and lectures on all my shortcomings (she is divorcing me so why is she still lecturing me?). Other days she tells me she knows her worth and can't wait to be divorced and a few hours later tells me I will meet someone great. Folks what the hell is going on with this woman? Is this how some people behave during divorce?

My only suspicion is that perhaps she already has someone lined up and she will be that person when the divorce is finalized. Honestly that will be the best-case scenario because then I my only interaction post divorce will be related to the kids.

As far my mental state, I am doing everything I can to remain in good health and spirit. I am working out again, riding my motorcycle, hiking etc.

[Anonymous]

Move out!!!!

[Anonymous]

She is playing the good guy - see everyone! we can divorce and be friends!

But tbh, she's not allowing you to grieve or mourn the relationship and set your own boundaries. You need therapy - not in a "you're messed up" but moreso how to navigate and how to set your own lines.

She shouldn't be allowed to barge in your room whenever and YOU need to respond less to the daily noise of texts/chats/etc. You don't need to be ice, but you don't need to stay in the same mind frame. You're getting a divorce - are you also working on what life will look like for you after? Make yourself scarce some evenings (after kid duties) - take up a hobby outside of the house, spend alternate weekends away from the house, etc.

You say you're healthy - this is not healthy behavior. You don't have to be mean or cruel or any of those things. But you don't have to act like a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

For instance, she still texts me random stuff (funny text messages, sexual jokes, etc...), she calls me and tells me about her day (like last night we were on the phone for 50 mins). We have not had sex in over 7 months, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms.

This morning she comes into my room wakes me up and tells me about a book that she is reading about ADD and she thinks she has ADD.

I do not want to play psychologists online since mental illness is very serious, but what you are describing is clearly not a normal behavior. If she was f***king someone or if she has a secret boyfriend waiting, I do not think she would give you 5 mins of her time....

Honestly continue listening to her etc until the divorce is final. Once the divorce is final, cut all communications unless kids-related.

I am sorry OP, but this could be a mess post-divorce. My gut feeling is that this woman may very well make your life hell post-divorce......She needs to a mental health professional ASAP.

[Anonymous]

My divorced parents did not have a good relationship during the divorce or after. It was very stressful for us, the kids. Even though they hid most from us, we could always sense the tension. The. Kids. Always. Know. And this point is something that has been reinforced even more since becoming an elementary school teacher. Little kids talk. They tell everyone all the family business.

My brother and his wife have a great relationship post-divorce. My brother has spent holidays with his ex and her new husband. Like, physically stayed in their guest room to be present on Christmas morning so that neither parent had to miss out on that experience. He and the stepdad are great friends and text weekly. My niece's and nephew's experiences are wildly different than my siblings and I had and I'm so grateful for that.

Keep up this "odd" but good relationship with you STBE for the sake of the kids. Trust me, it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

I can't wait for UNDCMs women to blame you somehow for her psychotic behavior......remember it is always the guys fault that's why divorce is initiated by 70% of women.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For instance, she still texts me random stuff (funny text messages, sexual jokes, etc...), she calls me and tells me about her day (like last night we were on the phone for 50 mins). We have not had sex in over 7 months, we are sleeping in separate bedrooms.

This morning she comes into my room wakes me up and tells me about a book that she is reading about ADD and she thinks she has ADD.

I do not want to play psychologists online since mental illness is very serious, but what you are describing is clearly not a normal behavior. If she was f***king someone or if she has a secret boyfriend waiting, I do not think she would give you 5 mins of her time....

Honestly continue listening to her etc until the divorce is final. Once the divorce is final, cut all communications unless kids-related.

I am sorry OP, but this could be a mess post-divorce. My gut feeling is that this woman may very well make your life hell post-divorce......She needs to a mental health professional ASAP.

Could be that she feels guilty about her indiscretion and trying to have an "amicable" divorce in front of the kids so they don't blame her.

[Anonymous]

OP don't change your behavior, you can distance yourself a bit, but you do not have to completely disconnect. One on hand she no longer wants you to be her spouse, and on the other she still wants the benefits that come with having a loving spouse (i.e. someone you can turn to vent about anything).

She may very well have ADD.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think there is something wrong with her. What I am about to say may be strange but it is possible that she actually still loves you but is that the two of you are not doing well married.

I read somewhere that 5% of people who divorce end up remarrying each other. Yes 5% that's high so I could see you guys getting back together.

And it is also a good thing that you are not necessarily blaming her or being angry at her.

[Anonymous]

Cheating on her AP with you.

[Anonymous]

Bipolar/Borderline personality , can't decide if she wants you or not.

[Anonymous]

You wanted the divorce. She's being the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance she's having a manic episode? Is she spending a lot, or not sleeping, or making big career decisions? What you're describing isn't a manic episode on its own but paired with other parts of her life, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Trying to control you.

Pulls you in when you try to get away (stop you from dating / getting close to other people), push you away when you try to connect to her.

If you want to be divorced, move out.

If you want to make her miss you, move out and stop casual texting.

If you want to be her punching bag, stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You wanted the divorce. She's being the bigger person.

Reading is fundamental.