DW acting as if nothing is happening during divorce mediation
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Anonymous
| Why are you divorcing? |
Anonymous
Women in general are happier post-divorce. The argument is that marriage is a better deal for men and as a man I think it is true. In my own marriage I will admit that I am probably getting more benefit than DW. We do go to couple therapy even when things are great. Her behavior is not necessarily wrong, I think she still loves you and she is turning to you naturally. I am not necessarily convinced that most women do better post-divorce. The reason most do well has to do with the fact most women are leaving behind abusive and unfaithful relationship. This does not seem to be the case for you guys. You know she could very well be scared about the future and for good reasons. People are not lining up at the door to be with either of you guys and the dating environment today is very different. You are going to have to start over. Good luck to both of you. |
Anonymous
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She's trying to be nice and friendly so you can have an amicable co-parenting relationship. You want her to be a monster instead?
She probably does have someone lined up so you should start dating too. |
Anonymous
I agree but don't start dating yet. Do it once she breaks up with the guy she is leaving you for. And by the way if she has a guy already lined that's the best-case scenario for you because people who date soon after divorce don't do well. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, but would you rather she hate you and make everything difficult?! You don't like the hot and cold, OK, I get that, but it could be worse. You said yourself, things are going well in mediation. The kids are not traumatized. No one is openly fighting and yelling, right? I feel you and others are being way too harsh on this woman. This is a divorce. Things were never going to be optimal, otherwise you wouldn't be divorcing in the first place! Sheesh. |
Anonymous
Just because she's making bad decisions doesn't mean OP should. Who TF dates while living in the house with their spouse and not even divorced yet?! This is literally the worst advice. Maybe OP needs to get himself together and be mentally healthy before he pulls another person into this drama? She's manipulating OP - not being "nice". Who sends sexts and random texts to the man the next minute says she can't wait to get rid of? She is being emotionally abusive. Even if she wants to remain friends, have a nice divorce, etc. OP gets to have some say and also gets to have his own feelings about how "friendly" they are. Right now she is deciding how and when they interact only on her terms. I'm sure she wouldn't be open to OP barging into her room waking her up whenever HE wanted to. It's fine to be amicable - but it should be a mutual decision. |
Anonymous
| Her AP won't leave his wife. Once he realized she was getting divorced, he likely dumped her. Now she's trying to get you back and acting 'sweet and innocent' and coming up with excuses, hence the ADD thing. |
Anonymous
And there it is. Say what you want, but this is probably closer to the truth than anything. Even if AP is single, the shine wears off when it's no longer taboo for some. She'll bring up a midlife crisis and other diagnosis next. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Op you sound like a good person and your wife knows that but doesn’t want to admit. At the same time she is likely a glass half empty person who is looking for perfection in her husband even though she has flaws of her own. She is too childish to realize that people have positives and negatives in them. She probably realizes she screwed up by filing for divorce but her ego is too big to admit. She may even think that being sexless and staying married is possible.
Posters saying the reason for her behavior is she wants to remain amicable during divorce, don’t know what they are talking about. Being amicable is different than the behavior she is displaying. Since you have kids, I would give divorce a second thought. Perhaps ask her again if she wants to go therapy and see if you can sort the differences. If she does agree, then there is not a lot you can do. |
Anonymous
| * is she doesn’t agree |
Anonymous
*if she doesn’t agree |
Anonymous
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Is there a reason you have not moved out?
Who knows what is going on with her but I personally would not be able to deal with this, emotionally. If my spouse unilaterally wanted a divorce, with no effort at counseling, I'd get out of there and be polite but use the "gray rock" strategy towards her otherwise. It may be that she has a mental illness or does not have relationship skills and asked for divorce and now sees no way out of it. It may be that she wants a divorce and would prefer to be just friends with you and is ignoring how devastating this is for you. Who knows, but I'd be out of there. People do occasionally remarry. But right now she gets to "divorce" you without actually having to emotionally detach from you, and you don't seem to be making it clear to her that this detachment is necessary. |
Anonymous
| She sounds mentally unstable. Stay away. |
Anonymous
Yes, being polite and kind is mentally unstable. Pyscho. |