What to say to relative who drinks too much when visiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Stop inviting them.
-Stop going to the celebration where they’re going to be.
-Tell the person that they ruin every holiday when they get drunk and pick fights and that’s why you’re not attending or not inviting them.

If you think there is an easy solution here, there isn’t. This person is allowed to continue with this behavior because you and others don’t do anything. Either cut them out or cut yourself out. Those are your choices. If you don’t want to do either of those, then you forfeit your right to be bothered by it because you’re enabling it.

OP: you’re totally right. I’m ready. I just need the words to use. And I’m not sure how to respond when she says that I’m wrong if nuts/or just don’t like her. She yells at her husband too when she drinks. Should I say something to him first?

Step 1 is to get on the same page with your own husband.

(As I understand it, the alcoholic is the wife of your husband’s brother?)

[Anonymous]

^this

[Anonymous]

Drunks are not rational. OP, YOU are being irrational if you think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Please listen to those in the thread who have dealt with alcoholism in the family. I have alcoholics in my family. The PPs who said your DH needs to have the conversation asap with his brother are correct. For your part, stop serving alcohol, tonight. If she asks why, your husband needs to say it out loud and directly. She won’t like it . so? It’s your home and your children. You and your kids don’t need to watch someone get trashed and pick fights. Nor should you enable it by serving the drinks. She won’t want to come where there is no alcohol anymore. and if she sneaks your booze, she’s out. Sorry if it seems harsh. but alcoholics or those on the path to alcoholism need help from AA and they need honest direct communication. It is the compassionate thing to do. Ducking it won’t help anyone. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a child of an alcoholic and grew up around so many relatives drunk on the regular. I do not allow my children to be around ANY of them. Full stop. No apologies, and if you ask why, I will be direct. I don’t want my children around heavy drinkers for any length of time. Period. Non-negotiable.

I wouldn’t care if it were an in-law or if they were a guest in my house. I seriously would remove ALL of the alcohol right now if she’s staying with you. Am I over the top, maybe but I don’t care. I had no agency over my surroundings as a kid. I hated seeing my relatives and mother drunk.

I was the one who advised being direct above and I had the same experience growing up - with one parent and a few other family members being active alcoholics. People may not change, but they absolutely need to hear how their behavior is affecting others. Don't just "uninvite" them.