Obnoxious Sister and Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

The title of this post is inaccurate. It should be:

Obnoxious Sisters and Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

You're not going to have all the burners going at 8am. Do a lot of your prep the day before. Just have you sister clean up after herself and give her a time that she has to be out of the kitchen. But if you're having houseguests, they need to eat so you need to plan for that. Keeping things simple doesn't mean ignore all the meals but one. If everyone is well fed they are more likely to stay out of your way in the kitchen. Otherwise they will be grazing for hours.

Apparently “the boys” sleep until noon.

When I prepped Thanksgiving for 16, I was in the kitchen nonstop from 8-4. The morning was one of the busier times with prepping the turkey and stuffing. Having to deal with someone using the stove AND getting a bunch of dishes dirty would have been really stressful. It’s truly just common sense for guests in this scenario to realize they need to stay out of the kitchen. If they are unable or so incompetent as to not be able to figure out how to get to McDonald’s for breakfast and refuse to just have cereal or whatever, then the host should figure something out to offer, but demanding kitchen access on Thanksgiving morning is truly extra …

[Anonymous]

Especially if these “boys” won’t be bothered to be out of bed by noon, I wouldn’t bother with breakfast at all. I’d have something for my parents (bagels etc) but if they can’t be up at a reasonable hour to help with this big dinner then yes, they can walk their butts up to Starbucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

You're not going to have all the burners going at 8am. Do a lot of your prep the day before. Just have you sister clean up after herself and give her a time that she has to be out of the kitchen. But if you're having houseguests, they need to eat so you need to plan for that. Keeping things simple doesn't mean ignore all the meals but one. If everyone is well fed they are more likely to stay out of your way in the kitchen. Otherwise they will be grazing for hours.

Honestly do you read? I know my family. We will be up late Wednesday night after I have a full catered meal for everyone Wednesday night. I expect everyone will be rolling out of bed around 11 am or noon. I’m serving dinner at 4. I will have an egg bake to keep my sister quiet and based on advice here. That makes sense. But we live in the city. There is literally a Starbucks, a pizzeria, two restaurants and two delis two blocks away. When I suggested to my sister her adult boys ( mid twenties) options if they aren’t pleased with my breakfast spread her answer was that they didn’t have money for coffee and now she’s refusing to bring the bagels out of spite. That’s what I’m upset at. Can you focus on that if you feel the need to criticize? Thanks.

And you know for a fact all these places are open on Thanksgiving? Look this is your problem to solve, not mine. Figure out breakfast or you're going to be dodging adult boys all day.

“adult boys” lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

You're not going to have all the burners going at 8am. Do a lot of your prep the day before. Just have you sister clean up after herself and give her a time that she has to be out of the kitchen. But if you're having houseguests, they need to eat so you need to plan for that. Keeping things simple doesn't mean ignore all the meals but one. If everyone is well fed they are more likely to stay out of your way in the kitchen. Otherwise they will be grazing for hours.

Apparently “the boys” sleep until noon.

When I prepped Thanksgiving for 16, I was in the kitchen nonstop from 8-4. The morning was one of the busier times with prepping the turkey and stuffing. Having to deal with someone using the stove AND getting a bunch of dishes dirty would have been really stressful. It’s truly just common sense for guests in this scenario to realize they need to stay out of the kitchen. If they are unable or so incompetent as to not be able to figure out how to get to McDonald’s for breakfast and refuse to just have cereal or whatever, then the host should figure something out to offer, but demanding kitchen access on Thanksgiving morning is truly extra …

So don't have people spend the night. Or manage your time better with better competency. You can do a lot of the prep the day before. But if you have houseguests, they will need breakfast. You are hosting, so you need to plan ahead for these obvious things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What time is the Thanksgiving meal on Thursday? My family does this lovely tradition where the main meal is around 4pm and all are expected to survive on air until then.

OP here. Dinner is planned for 4. I know my family ( including my own two teenage boys) - we will be up late Wednesday night and everyone will sleep in late - like think noon. I initially said my plan was to have bagels and cream cheese and then light appetizers if people are still hungry before 4 pm. I actually thought about a breakfast casserole but I never got that far with my sister because she started getting bossy and obnoxious and we ended the call. To the PP who said something to the effect that we are both at fault- of course there is some truth to that - but my sister truly is obnoxious and I try time and time again to ignore her, which of course I’ll do this time too. And yes her “ kids” are adults - mid- twenties. I’ll have other food in the house but I will rethink serving more for breakfast based on suggestions here. I’m not trying to starve anyone but really need the kitchen space. I have a big house but a tiny kitchen. And it’s classic that rather than be gracious my sister is now refusing to bring anything. She’s being spiteful in my opinion.

Look OP. Thanksgiving is not about you dictating when, what and how other people eat. You sound insanely controlling.

If I was your sister in law or sister or whoever you're fighting with, I'd show up to Thanksgiving dinner with a 20 piece bucket of KFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which is it OP? Your house is the biggest so you host? But your kitchen is small? I would guess you insisted on hosting, being dramatic about your aging parents (side not: stop thinking this could be the last Thanksgiving. My older sister started that about 8 or 10 years ago, but guess what, they're still here), and what choice does your sister have? The worst is being required to travel, stay in somebody else's house, then not having enough food. If you want to host, you simply have to be more gracious and flexible. Inflexible hosts are the absolute worst.

They are in A CITY and we’re talking about “adult sons” not families with small children. They can do the bare minimum and respect the host’s space as they work hard to get the meal ready. OP’s situation has gone off the rails already and I agree she should just provide breakfast but in a similar scenario I would just text everyone the following:

“Looking forward to seeing everyone! I will be ordering dinner for us all Weds night. My kitchen is tiny so I’ll be using it all morning Thursday with no room to make breakfast, but I’ll have some coffee and bagels for breakfast/lunch. Anyone who wants something more substantial can head out to the pizza place down the street and there are also Starbucks and McDonalds within a few blocks. Thanksgiving dinner will be at 4 with appetizers out around 2. See you soon!”

[Anonymous]

You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

Have you ever made Thanksgiving for 15 in a small kitchen with a 4-burner stove? I have. It took every single burner & pot & pan from around 7am - 3pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

Have you ever made Thanksgiving for 15 in a small kitchen with a 4-burner stove? I have. It took every single burner & pot & pan from around 7am - 3pm.

No it didn't. What in God's name are you boiling for 8 hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

My family would be pissed if I served that disgusting-*ss menu. I agree you can prep a lot ahead of time but some of us have higher standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which is it OP? Your house is the biggest so you host? But your kitchen is small? I would guess you insisted on hosting, being dramatic about your aging parents (side not: stop thinking this could be the last Thanksgiving. My older sister started that about 8 or 10 years ago, but guess what, they're still here), and what choice does your sister have? The worst is being required to travel, stay in somebody else's house, then not having enough food. If you want to host, you simply have to be more gracious and flexible. Inflexible hosts are the absolute worst.

Actually it was my sister’s idea months ago for me to host but whatever. And yes, I have a big house with a small kitchen ( 1940’s layout) but whatever on that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

Wrong. But thanks for the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

My family would be pissed if I served that disgusting-*ss menu. I agree you can prep a lot ahead of time but some of us have higher standards.

Higher standards belong to competent and confident cooks. If you are neither, then corners can and should be cut.