Obnoxious Sister and Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

Have you ever made Thanksgiving for 15 in a small kitchen with a 4-burner stove? I have. It took every single burner & pot & pan from around 7am - 3pm.

No it didn't. What in God's name are you boiling for 8 hours?

I exaggerate a little but it was all systems go from 7am on. Chop veggies for stuffing, prep stuffing, cook stuffing, chop herbs/spices for turkey, prep turkey, cook turkey, peel potatoes, cook potatoes, prep rolls … I promise you I did all the prep the day before that I could and it was still a race. In a narrow city kitchen I did not want anyone else in there. Dishes had to be managed too. Cooking for 15 is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What time is the Thanksgiving meal on Thursday? My family does this lovely tradition where the main meal is around 4pm and all are expected to survive on air until then.

OP here. Dinner is planned for 4. I know my family ( including my own two teenage boys) - we will be up late Wednesday night and everyone will sleep in late - like think noon. I initially said my plan was to have bagels and cream cheese and then light appetizers if people are still hungry before 4 pm. I actually thought about a breakfast casserole but I never got that far with my sister because she started getting bossy and obnoxious and we ended the call. To the PP who said something to the effect that we are both at fault- of course there is some truth to that - but my sister truly is obnoxious and I try time and time again to ignore her, which of course I’ll do this time too. And yes her “ kids” are adults - mid- twenties. I’ll have other food in the house but I will rethink serving more for breakfast based on suggestions here. I’m not trying to starve anyone but really need the kitchen space. I have a big house but a tiny kitchen. And it’s classic that rather than be gracious my sister is now refusing to bring anything. She’s being spiteful in my opinion.

Look OP. Thanksgiving is not about you dictating when, what and how other people eat. You sound insanely controlling.

If I was your sister in law or sister or whoever you're fighting with, I'd show up to Thanksgiving dinner with a 20 piece bucket of KFC.

Lol. I’m sure you would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

My family would be pissed if I served that disgusting-*ss menu. I agree you can prep a lot ahead of time but some of us have higher standards.

Higher standards belong to competent and confident cooks. If you are neither, then corners can and should be cut.

Oh f off. Cooking a holiday meal for 15 is a feat for anyone. I’m not serving plain microwaved green beans and Stovetop just because the “adult boys” want to make scrambled eggs in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

My family would be pissed if I served that disgusting-*ss menu. I agree you can prep a lot ahead of time but some of us have higher standards.

Higher standards belong to competent and confident cooks. If you are neither, then corners can and should be cut.

Oh f off. Cooking a holiday meal for 15 is a feat for anyone. I’m not serving plain microwaved green beans and Stovetop just because the “adult boys” want to make scrambled eggs in the kitchen.

(And for that matter - the fact that most hosts are in fact not that confident or competent at huge holiday meals is MORE of a reason to be respectful and helpful. Not a reason to be clueless and demanding.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

You're not going to have all the burners going at 8am. Do a lot of your prep the day before. Just have you sister clean up after herself and give her a time that she has to be out of the kitchen. But if you're having houseguests, they need to eat so you need to plan for that. Keeping things simple doesn't mean ignore all the meals but one. If everyone is well fed they are more likely to stay out of your way in the kitchen. Otherwise they will be grazing for hours.

Apparently “the boys” sleep until noon.

When I prepped Thanksgiving for 16, I was in the kitchen nonstop from 8-4. The morning was one of the busier times with prepping the turkey and stuffing. Having to deal with someone using the stove AND getting a bunch of dishes dirty would have been really stressful. It’s truly just common sense for guests in this scenario to realize they need to stay out of the kitchen. If they are unable or so incompetent as to not be able to figure out how to get to McDonald’s for breakfast and refuse to just have cereal or whatever, then the host should figure something out to offer, but demanding kitchen access on Thanksgiving morning is truly extra …

I must be doing it wrong. When I do Thanksgiving, I am not constantly in the kitchen - except for the last hour and a half or so. There is some work prior to that of course, like getting the turkey in the oven is what 20? minutes. We have time for a nice breakfast too. (I also say yes when someone offers to do the breakfast.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

OP's sister is bringing 4 mouths to feed, including 2 "hungry boys," so it would be nice if she brought something. Being a gracious guest is equally as important as being a gracious host. You don't get to come to someone's house, plop down on the sofa, put your feet on the coffee table, and bark food and drink orders. An invitation to stay can be rescinded at any time.

[Anonymous]

OP - I have a large kitchen, and I wouldn’t want people trying to cook stuff on thanksgiving Day. I would buy the bagels, smoked salmon and a quiche. Or just hand my nephews $100 and say breakfast is on me and have a list of nearby places that are open. I would not bring up the bagels again to my sister and pretend it never happened. I would ignore BIL’s request for beer. I would send a follow-up email that thanks everyone for coming and states that I’m looking forward to seeing everyone and glad we are all able to be together. Then, have the schedule of events, and what is provided, followed by please bring anything else you would like to have. If you have limited space in the fridge, have ice in a cooler available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

Have you ever made Thanksgiving for 15 in a small kitchen with a 4-burner stove? I have. It took every single burner & pot & pan from around 7am - 3pm.

No it didn't. What in God's name are you boiling for 8 hours?

I exaggerate a little but it was all systems go from 7am on. Chop veggies for stuffing, prep stuffing, cook stuffing, chop herbs/spices for turkey, prep turkey, cook turkey, peel potatoes, cook potatoes, prep rolls … I promise you I did all the prep the day before that I could and it was still a race. In a narrow city kitchen I did not want anyone else in there. Dishes had to be managed too. Cooking for 15 is no joke.

Chop all the veggies and herbs on Wed. Can also peel and soak potatoes overnight. If your kitchen and house isn't able to accommodate guests, then point people to a hotel. It's not right or fair to invite people then tell them the kitchen is closed for the day until 3. Once the turkey is in the oven it's a lot of waiting around. This would be fine if the guests weren't rolling in until about noon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to do a better job of planning. You can make a lot the day before. If you are slogging in the kitchen 8-4 and no one can get in there to toast a bagel, you’re doing it wrong.

Pioneer Woman Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes; make it the day before

Cranberry sauce, obviously make it the day before

Green beans, you can do the microwave steam bag

Pies, you can do the day before, or buy

Dressing, it takes 20 minutes to prep and get started in the crock pot; crock pot means you don’t have to mess with one more thing in the oven

Mac and cheese or practically any casserole, you make it the day before and heat up the day of

If you struggle with a whole turkey, get a few breasts and some legs

Seriously, there is barely anything to do day-of if you plan and prepare; you can also buy a lot or assign to guests

You’re making this a huge production when it’s not.

OP won't take your helpful advice. She just wants everyone to just dump on her sister. What's Thanksgiving without a host playing martyr? OP invited these people and now resents the hell out of them for existing.

My family would be pissed if I served that disgusting-*ss menu. I agree you can prep a lot ahead of time but some of us have higher standards.

Higher standards belong to competent and confident cooks. If you are neither, then corners can and should be cut.

Oh f off. Cooking a holiday meal for 15 is a feat for anyone. I’m not serving plain microwaved green beans and Stovetop just because the “adult boys” want to make scrambled eggs in the kitchen.

Why do people keep harping on the numbers? It's the same work for 8 guests as it is for 15. What's a few extra peeled potatoes or a larger turkey? Some of you are really doing a lot of exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I have a large kitchen, and I wouldn’t want people trying to cook stuff on thanksgiving Day. I would buy the bagels, smoked salmon and a quiche. Or just hand my nephews $100 and say breakfast is on me and have a list of nearby places that are open. I would not bring up the bagels again to my sister and pretend it never happened. I would ignore BIL’s request for beer. I would send a follow-up email that thanks everyone for coming and states that I’m looking forward to seeing everyone and glad we are all able to be together. Then, have the schedule of events, and what is provided, followed by please bring anything else you would like to have. If you have limited space in the fridge, have ice in a cooler available.

OP here. Thank you! Great advice and you are right. I like sending the family text about how excited I am to see everyone and to reiterate no hard feelings. The truth is that I am happy to see everyone and to host. Thank you for the gut check and the post.

[Anonymous]

I think this is about boundaries OP. The text from your BIL is a red flag. Your sister and BiL think they can ignore your feelings and do whatever they want. Normal people want to add less stress to someone hosting the Thanksgiving meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

Have you ever made Thanksgiving for 15 in a small kitchen with a 4-burner stove? I have. It took every single burner & pot & pan from around 7am - 3pm.

No it didn't. What in God's name are you boiling for 8 hours?

I exaggerate a little but it was all systems go from 7am on. Chop veggies for stuffing, prep stuffing, cook stuffing, chop herbs/spices for turkey, prep turkey, cook turkey, peel potatoes, cook potatoes, prep rolls … I promise you I did all the prep the day before that I could and it was still a race. In a narrow city kitchen I did not want anyone else in there. Dishes had to be managed too. Cooking for 15 is no joke.

Chop all the veggies and herbs on Wed. Can also peel and soak potatoes overnight. If your kitchen and house isn't able to accommodate guests, then point people to a hotel. It's not right or fair to invite people then tell them the kitchen is closed for the day until 3. Once the turkey is in the oven it's a lot of waiting around. This would be fine if the guests weren't rolling in until about noon.

They're in the middle of a city, with numerous food and drink options within walking distance, not on the plains. They're getting several free meals as well as accommodation. It's utterly thoughtless to try and clog up someone's kitchen on what is arguably the biggest cooking day of the year.

[Anonymous]

I invited my crazy sister to Thanksgiving this year and she just informed me that she has Covid! I'm so excited!

[Anonymous]

Agree with the quiche and bagels idea, OP - as well as the kind, neutral and informative email you should send.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To the PP above - yes the truth is I’m nervous about getting dinner ready for 15 in my small kitchen. I’m not the best of cooks for large scale and I’m worried. I offered to host because I’m the middle point for family coming from all different directions and i’m the only one with a big enough house. My parents are elderly, my Dad isn’t doing well and I worry this could br one of the last times we are all together as a family. Everyone, except my sister, understands that I’m trying to keep things as simple as possible, so there is no stress and we can all enjoy each others time to the extent possible. I’m not mad about my sister’s bossiness and insistence that what I’m doing isn’t enough, I’m mad that when things didn’t go her way she is now pouting and refusing to bring bagels. Like who does that? It’s petty and obnoxious. And btw - her boys are babied by her and it’s embarrassing. They were never allowed to launch. They are great however. The problem has always been her. I always try to overlook her crazy and and I will do so this year too. Oh - and I like the suggestion of a breakfast casserole so I plan on having that to go with the bagels. Easy enough and will hopefully keep my sister happy and quiet for the day.

We get it op. Everyone is zooming in on "boys" and "bagels"
They don't understand that you're trying to pull something off with a lot of unknowns, and your sister is doing the bare minimum to help but making a lot of demands. These are all adults. Most will be sleeping until noon. They can find food if they need to eat. Then they'll all sit their expectant a$$es down at 4 and want more food and then leave you to clean up.

Gimme a break. OP isn't mission control for Apollo 13, she's preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Millions of people have done that, for centuries.

Also, all this is about OP being miffed that her sister isn't bringing bagels? Seriously? So all OP has to do is go get 2 dozen, bagels, some cream cheese, and there's absolutely no other impact on her? Good grief.

Have you ever made Thanksgiving for 15 in a small kitchen with a 4-burner stove? I have. It took every single burner & pot & pan from around 7am - 3pm.

(dp) All my Thanksgivings have been on a four burner stove. That is the norm. We have had more than 15 many times and it never required that much time in the kitchen.