Why Aren’t More People Getting Married? Ask Women What Dating Is Like.

[Anonymous]

I’d love to know the impact of their parents’ divorces (and remarriages) (and various stepsiblings) (bonus points for parents’ gray divorce and remarriage and now spending holidays with my dad’s new wife’s failure to launch 45 yr old son) had on this generation of 30 and 40 somethings … to say nothing of seeing their peers hold 3-day “wedding weekend” blowouts to their “best friend,” only to get divorced 5 yrs later with a toddler in tow, and the remarried, and then doing ivf with the next spouse by 40 as part of the ongoing “blended family.”
As an ACOD of divorce who has seen it all and who has attended so many weddings for peers in the past 15-20 years of couples who have since split or are miserable … I mean, I truly don’t get why people are getting married at the rates they do. Who could blame anyone for wanting to have a serious, committed relationship without marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I often date slightly less attractive women. Their personalities are soooo much better than women who think they are attractive.

Normally the better looking a women thinks she is, the meaner her personality is. 20 years from now the pretty woman won't be that attractive. The women with a great personality will still be beautiful.

And see, this is something a lot of guys think. That all beautiful women are secretly mean, probably because they have some trauma of being rejected in 8th grade or something. This is the reality for ACTUALLY beautiful women- having some kind of weird projection of a personality beamed onto you by total strangers who resent you for your looks. I'm glad someone posted it, because it's a phenomenon I've observed many times that truly, strikingly attractive women have to contend with. That's one of the reasons they have a harder time dating than average looking women

Being pretty can make people dull. If you are a pretty girl you don't have to work for things. Guys will shower you will attention and gifts simply for showing up. Maybe you're smart, but you live in a bubble and this affects how you see yourself and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I often date slightly less attractive women. Their personalities are soooo much better than women who think they are attractive.

Normally the better looking a women thinks she is, the meaner her personality is. 20 years from now the pretty woman won't be that attractive. The women with a great personality will still be beautiful.

And see, this is something a lot of guys think. That all beautiful women are secretly mean, probably because they have some trauma of being rejected in 8th grade or something. This is the reality for ACTUALLY beautiful women- having some kind of weird projection of a personality beamed onto you by total strangers who resent you for your looks. I'm glad someone posted it, because it's a phenomenon I've observed many times that truly, strikingly attractive women have to contend with. That's one of the reasons they have a harder time dating than average looking women

Being pretty can make people dull. If you are a pretty girl you don't have to work for things. Guys will shower you will attention and gifts simply for showing up. Maybe you're smart, but you live in a bubble and this affects how you see yourself and others.

Being average can make someone dull. It's actually pretty absurd to judge someone's personality by physical looks alone. The sad reality is that many people who genetically gifted with their looks are genetically gifted across the board. The tall, good looking guy with a symmetrical face is often smart and sometimes funny too. And the ugly, plain girl can often be hideously dull. That's why smart people judge on a case by case basis. But I think sometimes people tell themselves these things, the "all beautiful people are idiots" cope, so they can feel a bit better about their own mediocrity and that of their partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I often date slightly less attractive women. Their personalities are soooo much better than women who think they are attractive.

Normally the better looking a women thinks she is, the meaner her personality is. 20 years from now the pretty woman won't be that attractive. The women with a great personality will still be beautiful.

And see, this is something a lot of guys think. That all beautiful women are secretly mean, probably because they have some trauma of being rejected in 8th grade or something. This is the reality for ACTUALLY beautiful women- having some kind of weird projection of a personality beamed onto you by total strangers who resent you for your looks. I'm glad someone posted it, because it's a phenomenon I've observed many times that truly, strikingly attractive women have to contend with. That's one of the reasons they have a harder time dating than average looking women

Being pretty can make people dull. If you are a pretty girl you don't have to work for things. Guys will shower you will attention and gifts simply for showing up. Maybe you're smart, but you live in a bubble and this affects how you see yourself and others.

Being average can make someone dull. It's actually pretty absurd to judge someone's personality by physical looks alone. The sad reality is that many people who genetically gifted with their looks are genetically gifted across the board. The tall, good looking guy with a symmetrical face is often smart and sometimes funny too. And the ugly, plain girl can often be hideously dull. That's why smart people judge on a case by case basis. But I think sometimes people tell themselves these things, the "all beautiful people are idiots" cope, so they can feel a bit better about their own mediocrity and that of their partner.

My experience with most women who went to academically competitive colleges was that they are generally quite plain. Less competitive schools such as University of Miami, Penn State, Arizona State, etc. seem to have better looking women. Physical attractiveness doesn't correlate to intelligence.

[Anonymous]

I think men don’t have realistic expectations.

A single friend of ours was lamenting to my husband that all of the prettiest women in our church and social circle are married. He is obese, balding, and has a meh job. Does he really need to get with one of the “prettiest” women???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I often date slightly less attractive women. Their personalities are soooo much better than women who think they are attractive.

Normally the better looking a women thinks she is, the meaner her personality is. 20 years from now the pretty woman won't be that attractive. The women with a great personality will still be beautiful.

And see, this is something a lot of guys think. That all beautiful women are secretly mean, probably because they have some trauma of being rejected in 8th grade or something. This is the reality for ACTUALLY beautiful women- having some kind of weird projection of a personality beamed onto you by total strangers who resent you for your looks. I'm glad someone posted it, because it's a phenomenon I've observed many times that truly, strikingly attractive women have to contend with. That's one of the reasons they have a harder time dating than average looking women

Being pretty can make people dull. If you are a pretty girl you don't have to work for things. Guys will shower you will attention and gifts simply for showing up. Maybe you're smart, but you live in a bubble and this affects how you see yourself and others.

Being average can make someone dull. It's actually pretty absurd to judge someone's personality by physical looks alone. The sad reality is that many people who genetically gifted with their looks are genetically gifted across the board. The tall, good looking guy with a symmetrical face is often smart and sometimes funny too. And the ugly, plain girl can often be hideously dull. That's why smart people judge on a case by case basis. But I think sometimes people tell themselves these things, the "all beautiful people are idiots" cope, so they can feel a bit better about their own mediocrity and that of their partner.

My experience with most women who went to academically competitive colleges was that they are generally quite plain. Less competitive schools such as University of Miami, Penn State, Arizona State, etc. seem to have better looking women. Physical attractiveness doesn't correlate to intelligence.

There are plenty of knockout, stunning women who went to Harvard, Princeton, etc. I mean, Brook Shields or Natalie Portman, for example. Once again, fiction and comforting cope to imagine that "all attractive people are stupid". Literally child-level wishful thinking.

[Anonymous]

Dating a foreign woman who lost her virginity to me, no tattoos, beautiful, and has a great body - also under 30. It's been fantastic and really opened my eyes to how delusional the typical American woman is with their expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating a foreign woman who lost her virginity to me, no tattoos, beautiful, and has a great body - also under 30. It's been fantastic and really opened my eyes to how delusional the typical American woman is with their expectations.

American women to you:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. S It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

Ok but if they are choosing to discard men who are the ones likely to want to pair up with them and are then left with the zero set (because the men who are left who these women decided they didn’t want to “settle” for are not actually men who are interested in “settling” for those women), then why complain?
They got the life they chose.
They could have married if they had a realistic view of dating/marrying only men who found them desirable—but it seems that instead they are looking to blame “society” for their own delusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. S It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

Ok but if they are choosing to discard men who are the ones likely to want to pair up with them and are then left with the zero set (because the men who are left who these women decided they didn’t want to “settle” for are not actually men who are interested in “settling” for those women), then why complain?
They got the life they chose.
They could have married if they had a realistic view of dating/marrying only men who found them desirable—but it seems that instead they are looking to blame “society” for their own delusions.

I think a lot of them arent complaining. Many are happy with their lot in life even if it is unfair. It's really the fault of men being willing to settle for mediocre women rather than hold out the way women do. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to know the impact of their parents’ divorces (and remarriages) (and various stepsiblings) (bonus points for parents’ gray divorce and remarriage and now spending holidays with my dad’s new wife’s failure to launch 45 yr old son) had on this generation of 30 and 40 somethings … to say nothing of seeing their peers hold 3-day “wedding weekend” blowouts to their “best friend,” only to get divorced 5 yrs later with a toddler in tow, and the remarried, and then doing ivf with the next spouse by 40 as part of the ongoing “blended family.”
As an ACOD of divorce who has seen it all and who has attended so many weddings for peers in the past 15-20 years of couples who have since split or are miserable … I mean, I truly don’t get why people are getting married at the rates they do. Who could blame anyone for wanting to have a serious, committed relationship without marriage?

I am mid-40s divorced and don’t know any divorces like you describe. I know plenty of people married 15+ years who were not happy early on but still married though. (Also my parents are married and my ex spouse’s parents are too. Your generalization is just an assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I often date slightly less attractive women. Their personalities are soooo much better than women who think they are attractive.

Normally the better looking a women thinks she is, the meaner her personality is. 20 years from now the pretty woman won't be that attractive. The women with a great personality will still be beautiful.

Haven't found this to be true at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

That you would compare a millionaire celebrity to ordinary women shows just how out of touch women like you are.

The fact that it's happening even to those women says it all. Its much harder for women who dont have any public platform, just go from work back home, and dont have legions of male fans who would be interested in dating them.

What is "it" that you think "is happening" to all these strong independent women, as if they are helpless victims with no control over their fates?

"It's happening again wah ha ha, why is this always happening to me (bawl)???"

Your life is not a Tik Tok video, stop acting like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest editorial in NYTimes.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/opinion/marriage-women-men-dating.html

I agree with the DCUM consensus that women can now afford to be picky because they have higher educations and incomes. But the author suggests that modern men are not emotionally available. Nonsense, - men were not emotionally available in previous generations either, but people still got married! The author calls for policies such as supporting single parents and higher ed cost reform. If you subsidize single parents, then you get more of them. If you want to increase marriage rates, then you need to start burning witches, bachelors, and spinsters.

Are women too picky? The article mentions an anthropologists book about egg freezing that mention "online ageism" and has a taxonomic Table 1.1 of cads. Or consider the author's college friend, who must be in her forties now:

One of these friends, with whom I went to college, would like nothing more than to be married. She’s beautiful and successful, and not, as far as I can tell, overly “picky.” She has had long-term relationships in the past, and cherishes the intimacy and stability they provide. To that end, she keeps a post-it note on a bulletin board. On it, she has drawn out 10 lines of 10 circles each. Every time she goes on a date with someone new, she fills in a circle. She’s committed to going on at least a hundred dates as she searches for a male partner with whom she can have a family. In two years, she’s filled in nearly half of the circles, and she’s still single. It’s like an SAT test form where every answer is incorrect. When she asks her male friends to set her up with their friends, they consistently tell her that no one they know would be good enough for her. “It’s like, how bad are you guys?” she marvels.

Yes, this friend sounds too picky.

Look it's all relative. The article described the lucky friend as beautiful and successful. Of course they didn't print her picture or provide her resume. A truly beautiful successful woman simply does not have these kinds of ongoing chronic problems getting dates, even if she is a total head case.

Remember the MSM has warped the definition of beauty to include basically anything that satisfies the woke agenda. You cannot trust articles like this at face value. The entire point was to portray the lonely women as victims of misogyny and patriarchy. Nothing is their fault. Have an out of wedlock baby with a thug absent baby daddy? Not her fault. Etc.

Males haven't drifted anywhere. If a woman is sweet.kind sexy and loyal, not extremely and openly promiscuous and not insane, she will have no trouble finding a good man to wife her up. That's pretty much the way it's always been. If she has unreasonable expectations of reality that is not realitys fault and it's not the fault of men. Sorry but most guys don't want an obese illiterate low income baby mama nor do they want a neurotic whacko refugee from a woody Allen movie who thinks drawing a bunch of circles will solve her problems.

You have even seen it in some of the bitter nasty responses in this thread from these kind of women.

Lies. THere are plenty of traditionally and exceptionally beautiful women who are perpetually single and/or have trouble dating despite being sane and perfectly nice. Sandra Bullock comes to mind and there are plenty of other celebrity women who fit this mold. you just want to believe we live in some kind of fairytale where everything magically works out for everyone perfectly fairly

Nope! The prior poster is exactly right. If you have unreasonable expectations, have a terrible personality, and think you are attractive (but really are average), you will be single forever until you give up and embrace cat collecting and boxed wine.

More cope. The reality is that life is unfair and sometimes things dont work out. And many attractive women rightfully have higher standards and arent willing to settle as much for the ugly guy, so they stay single. It is what it is. It's a fiction to imagine that life works out perfectly fairly and everyone finds their exact match.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I often date slightly less attractive women. Their personalities are soooo much better than women who think they are attractive.

Normally the better looking a women thinks she is, the meaner her personality is. 20 years from now the pretty woman won't be that attractive. The women with a great personality will still be beautiful.

And see, this is something a lot of guys think. That all beautiful women are secretly mean, probably because they have some trauma of being rejected in 8th grade or something. This is the reality for ACTUALLY beautiful women- having some kind of weird projection of a personality beamed onto you by total strangers who resent you for your looks. I'm glad someone posted it, because it's a phenomenon I've observed many times that truly, strikingly attractive women have to contend with. That's one of the reasons they have a harder time dating than average looking women

Nonsense. "Truly, strikingly attractive women" are not anyone you personally know. You know nothing about their lives. The people you work with who are single and blaming it on men are not truly, strikingly attractive women. The truly attractive women already got married or if not they are in a profession where physical beauty is critical and do not lack for male attention.

It's like some ppl who gave the example of sandra bullock. She's rich and famous but not particularly attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it is just luck.

But, I do have a couple friends who spent many years living with boyfriends that they felt unsure about. I strongly recommend against that and kind of don’t understand it. One of them is 39, the other is 43 and they did both recently, FINALLY leave their decades long relationships. They both still hope to get married and have kids.

I really just don’t get it…..they are smart, attractive women who just spent too darn long with guys they were unsure about.

In both cases, the men wanted to marry them and have kids with them!!!

Like why spend so long with someone at these critical ages when you want a family??

At a certain point, if you want a husband and kids, you have to just decide. Decide to leave, decide to take a plunge, whatever, but don’t spend your late 20s-your 30s with the same dude if you can’t decide whether you like him enough to get married.

I say this as someone who got married and is still unsure about my DH lol. But we’ve had a pretty good decade together, and two good kids together. Could I have done better? I don’t know. Maybe. But I also could have done worse or missed my chance for raising kids of my own in the context of a marriage.

These women have at a minimum have attachment disorders or perhaps personality disorders. They self sabotaged their entire lives but yet delusionally believe their prince charming is going to ride in on a horse and save them from the consequences of their neurotic bad choices. They probably had poor relationships with their fathers and have a basic lack of security with any man. The pickings will get even slimmer for them not better as they age.

You yourself obviously have some pretty serious commitment issues of you are still unsure of your husband after ten years and two kids.

There is no lol it is not a joking manner. This is a you problem. You married someone but never fully committed to him or the marriage. Your marriage will get better when you grow up own your choice and fully commit and stop half assing it.

Tons of women like you because you have been brainwashed by feminism and Disney to believe you are a princess who deserves a non existent Prince Charming to solve all your problems for you. No man is good enough so you hold back something. You don't fully commit in your heart and mind because you are weak and insecure. Then you blame the distance and lack of intimacy on him instead of yourself.

I'll bet your father was.weak or absent or you didn't have a great relationship with him.

Are there a lot of attractive women like this? Because I think one just ghosted me after what seemed like an amazingly “clicking” start to a beautiful relationship. She’s 49, never married, never dates (very picky), no kids, highly compensated, adopts rescue animals. I’m just divorced, a decade older, retired, financially set for life, kids all in their 30’s, tall, handsome, highly educated. Neither one of us is perfect, by any means, but I definitely got the feeling that she was focusing on a few minor boxes that I didn’t check for her, vs. recognizing that I was in truth a catch just as much or more as she is a catch.

The odds that she’s going to find someone who checks all her boxes while she’s still in her prime? Pretty, pretty bad. But she’s content in her single existence. And I can see how it would be preferable to being married or even living with someone.

For these successful, long-single independent women, maybe there needs to be a new paradigm in what a partner provides, married or not: yes a best friend, confidant, lover, soulmate, helper, travel companion, pet co-parent, but no, not someone sharing a sleeping space, bathroom, kitchen, financials.