Husband offering to help another woman

[Anonymous]

Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

WTF? You "told her family"--? I don't believe you're OP. This post sounds nuts. Who goes to an adult's family (parents?) and "tells" them to find that adult a job to keep her away? Sounds like the plot to some old movie. If that IS actually you, OP, you came off to her family as unhinged and intrusive, and you'd be a fool to believe they'd listen to your commands. But I think this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

OP, your DH already called your bluff and said you can leave if you’re not happy. So how will making a scene help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

Oh OP, I can feel your fear. But you have to face this. If she gets a job at your husband’s company, Elvis has left the building. Time to take control of your life here. This is your marriage. If you want to save it, work on that now. Don’t be afraid of failure. If that’s in your future it’ll happen, and it also won’t be the end of you. You will survive. But stop being a bystander in this horror show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

You told her family to “get her” to find a job and “hopefully” she will also find a man?

Do you realize how nasty, pathetic and unhinged this makes YOU sound, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

If I were her, this would make me want to get the job with the husband. Just to spite op, who is a crazy pathetic witch.

[Anonymous]

Op here
I know the family well enough and brought this up only when the mom herself was talking about her finding a job then went on herself to say hope she will settle down.
Thats when I agreed with her and talked about a job qnd her marriage which would be her 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-
I told her family to get her to find a job near her place and that hopefully she will also soon find herself a nice man.
Lets see how that goes.
I am going to let things go with the flow- but will nip it in the bud next time I see anything in front of me - if she does apply and get/ accept a job at my husband’s company thats when I will step my foot down in front of everyone. There will be no relenting then.

troll alert

[Anonymous]

Op here
Not a troll post.

This is one of those situations if you havent been in it - it’s hard to understand.

The girl and dh are flirting with each other even in my presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
Not a troll post.

This is one of those situations if you havent been in it - it’s hard to understand.

The girl and dh are flirting with each other even in my presence.

OP, as the saying goes, you teach people how to treat you. If your husband is flirting with this woman in front of you, it’s because you have taught him you will allow it over and over again.

Sorry if this sounds like victim blaming. It probably is to some extent. Your husband is trashy and you have told him with your actions he can continue to be trashy and you’ll be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here
Not a troll post.

This is one of those situations if you havent been in it - it’s hard to understand.

The girl and dh are flirting with each other even in my presence.

OP, as the saying goes, you teach people how to treat you. If your husband is flirting with this woman in front of you, it’s because you have taught him you will allow it over and over again.

Sorry if this sounds like victim blaming. It probably is to some extent. Your husband is trashy and you have told him with your actions he can continue to be trashy and you’ll be fine with it.

OP here

How do I make him stop this behavior? He knows well I dont like it.
Last time he did this with someone else, I stopped us meeting up with her anywhere.

[Anonymous]

You get up and leave the room, the house, the restaurant.

And then you explain your boundaries.

And if they are crossed again, you leave. No bluffing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get up and leave the room, the house, the restaurant.

And then you explain your boundaries.

And if they are crossed again, you leave. No bluffing

OP has already threatened to leave and husbsnd encouraged her to do so. What now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get up and leave the room, the house, the restaurant.

And then you explain your boundaries.

And if they are crossed again, you leave. No bluffing

OP has already threatened to leave and husbsnd encouraged her to do so. What now?

This is the “you teach people how to treat you” poster. There is no action OP can take now to rectify this. The situation is already too far gone. I agree with the poster above that said you set boundaries, and if they are crossed, you need to be gone. OP indicated her boundaries but she never enforced them. She had one shot and one shot only on this. She needed to be gone when he pulled this garbage the second time. But now he’s doing it for the many hundredth, so one can see why this is beyond the point of no return.

I’ve been there, OP. I really have. It’s not your fault he’s doing this, it was HIS decision to cross your boundary after you laid it out. But it’s YOUR responsibility to decide whether you’re going to do anything about the hurt he is causing. If you stay, stay with the knowledge and acceptance that the respect is gone. But it was likely was never there in the first place.

I hope you find your way. There’s a great book out there called “Why Men Love Bi&$%*s.” It has a lot of really, really valuable advice. Nothing changed for me in my love life until I really took the concepts to heart. Unfortunately, it’s too late to start implementing them with your husband. But it’s not too late with the next man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You get up and leave the room, the house, the restaurant.

And then you explain your boundaries.

And if they are crossed again, you leave. No bluffing

OP has already threatened to leave and husbsnd encouraged her to do so. What now?

This is the “you teach people how to treat you” poster. There is no action OP can take now to rectify this. The situation is already too far gone. I agree with the poster above that said you set boundaries, and if they are crossed, you need to be gone. OP indicated her boundaries but she never enforced them. She had one shot and one shot only on this. She needed to be gone when he pulled this garbage the second time. But now he’s doing it for the many hundredth, so one can see why this is beyond the point of no return.

I’ve been there, OP. I really have. It’s not your fault he’s doing this, it was HIS decision to cross your boundary after you laid it out. But it’s YOUR responsibility to decide whether you’re going to do anything about the hurt he is causing. If you stay, stay with the knowledge and acceptance that the respect is gone. But it was likely was never there in the first place.

I hope you find your way. There’s a great book out there called “Why Men Love Bi&$%*s.” It has a lot of really, really valuable advice. Nothing changed for me in my love life until I really took the concepts to heart. Unfortunately, it’s too late to start implementing them with your husband. But it’s not too late with the next man.

Op here,
If you have gone through the same thing, have you stayed in your marriage or left?
There was respect, then it faded out over the last few years.
There are few reason I cant really get separated right now…