Husband offering to help another woman

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have been married for 22 years and have a 15 year old.
Marriage has been full of ups and downs. Yet we have lived through it together.
Long story short, he has a GREAT chemistry with a friend ( very beautiful, friendly and witty 36 years old divorced woman. I notice they flirt and tease each other and pull jokes and talk about everything when we get together once in a while, she even told him her whole divorce story over the years but not to me.
He has now offered to forward her resume to the hiring manager at his company. I know for a FACT they will have an affair if she starts working there.
I am upset. To say the least and dont know if I should bring any of this up.
I am sure it would backfire if I do being that our marriage is not at the greatest place right now.
Any thoughts… I have been avoiding her but if she gets a job at his work it will open new doors.

[Anonymous]

The way you write, it's no surprise marriage is shaky. But do you really think the only thing holding them back is she needs to be working at his company? So they can do it in the copy room?

[Anonymous]

I see what you are saying- as in the proximity will make it happen but then I think you already know that they are going to end up together and your marriage is doomed. You should get your ducks in a row and maybe do counseling with your husband- he might not even realize that he is going to end up with his 'friend' yet. Why didnt you cold shoulder this woman from the get go though? Maybe she doesnt want your used husband though- you think he's the bees knees with a 15 year old, she might find that too much baggage. Inserting someone into your life like that is just stupid- you ned to figure out a way to drop the woman and strengthen your own relationship but sometimes, you are the starter marriage and they are soulmates. it boggles the mind when Americans have these unrealistic expectations of sexual behavior- human beings are mammals like horses/lion/bulls- monogamous loving like birds is hard for mammals and pretending any different without being wary and careful when the need arises is naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see what you are saying- as in the proximity will make it happen but then I think you already know that they are going to end up together and your marriage is doomed. You should get your ducks in a row and maybe do counseling with your husband- he might not even realize that he is going to end up with his 'friend' yet. Why didnt you cold shoulder this woman from the get go though? Maybe she doesnt want your used husband though- you think he's the bees knees with a 15 year old, she might find that too much baggage. Inserting someone into your life like that is just stupid- you ned to figure out a way to drop the woman and strengthen your own relationship but sometimes, you are the starter marriage and they are soulmates. it boggles the mind when Americans have these unrealistic expectations of sexual behavior- human beings are mammals like horses/lion/bulls- monogamous loving like birds is hard for mammals and pretending any different without being wary and careful when the need arises is naive.

I cant avoid her, they are family friends.

No they are not talking l/ texting outside our get togethers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see what you are saying- as in the proximity will make it happen but then I think you already know that they are going to end up together and your marriage is doomed. You should get your ducks in a row and maybe do counseling with your husband- he might not even realize that he is going to end up with his 'friend' yet. Why didnt you cold shoulder this woman from the get go though? Maybe she doesnt want your used husband though- you think he's the bees knees with a 15 year old, she might find that too much baggage. Inserting someone into your life like that is just stupid- you ned to figure out a way to drop the woman and strengthen your own relationship but sometimes, you are the starter marriage and they are soulmates. it boggles the mind when Americans have these unrealistic expectations of sexual behavior- human beings are mammals like horses/lion/bulls- monogamous loving like birds is hard for mammals and pretending any different without being wary and careful when the need arises is naive.

I cant avoid her, they are family friends.

No they are not talking l/ texting outside our get togethers.

Then you talk to her during your get togethers.

Meanwhile, get your finances sorted. If he’s looking there’s a good chance he’ll cheat with her or someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way you write, it's no surprise marriage is shaky. But do you really think the only thing holding them back is she needs to be working at his company? So they can do it in the copy room?

Because they would see each other everyday, without being around our families.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I'd start. doing a better job with my marriage. You are always going to see threats from the outside, because your marriage is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Op you seem remarkably unperturbed by all of this. Did those prior "ups and downs" involve you and another man, so now you can't claim the moral high ground? Sounds like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see what you are saying- as in the proximity will make it happen but then I think you already know that they are going to end up together and your marriage is doomed. You should get your ducks in a row and maybe do counseling with your husband- he might not even realize that he is going to end up with his 'friend' yet. Why didnt you cold shoulder this woman from the get go though? Maybe she doesnt want your used husband though- you think he's the bees knees with a 15 year old, she might find that too much baggage. Inserting someone into your life like that is just stupid- you ned to figure out a way to drop the woman and strengthen your own relationship but sometimes, you are the starter marriage and they are soulmates. it boggles the mind when Americans have these unrealistic expectations of sexual behavior- human beings are mammals like horses/lion/bulls- monogamous loving like birds is hard for mammals and pretending any different without being wary and careful when the need arises is naive.

I cant avoid her, they are family friends.

No they are not talking l/ texting outside our get togethers.

Then you talk to her during your get togethers.

Meanwhile, get your finances sorted. If he’s looking there’s a good chance he’ll cheat with her or someone else.

Talk to her about her love life, how she’s such a great catch, how there must be so many single/divorced guys who are probably falling all over her. Secretly confide in her and your DH that you have a huge girl crush on her. If she’s so great, all this might even be true? Get your DH involved in the find-a-guy effort. At the very least they will both have to face the fact that your DH should not be her Plan A.

File under the “hold your friends close, your enemies closer” file.

[Anonymous]

Work on your marriage.

If this lady’s around at your family-friend get together, you’re on her. Make her your friend, not his. But be wary still.

But overall, put your energy into the marriage. I can’t speak for him—he may not put energy into it. But you do your part.

Don’t *overdo* it so you’re bitter. Just do nice things. Don’t put energy into thinking about them, better spent on you thinking about him.

Have pleasant conversations and be fun to be around. Not always talking about the calendar or kid (I’m not saying you do that now).

[Anonymous]

Why not just talk to him about what you’ve noticed and your worries? Put down a boundary. Flirting is disrespectful to you and the marriage.

[Anonymous]

These answers are so stupid. No, being all over her during get-togethers not going to work. They will just start meeting elsewhere (if they aren’t already).

[Anonymous]

Op here
Should I tell him point blank , do I need to be fearful of his attitude towards her and their relationship per se?

[Anonymous]

I think you should talk to him, but it cannot come off as accusatory. More like: DH, we have been through so much and I love you so much even though I know sometimes things are very hard. I want to bring something up that is deeply distressing to me; I trust you and your commitment to our family, but it’s so hard to watch you around X. It’s so clear that you have chemistry; I’d be an idiot to not see that. I know you haven’t acted on it by any means in an inappropriate way, but I get so scared thinking what may happen if she gets a chance to work with you and see you every single day, spend more time with you than sometimes I would get to, because I know she must see what a good man you are. I don’t know the right solution for my anxiety about this, but I wanted to be honest with you and that it’s hurting me right now.

[Anonymous]

22 of marriage is plenty. I would be so bored out of my mind and think of getting me a young one.