I hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've made peace with our cramped lifestyle. Instead of upgrading we bought a cabin and a beach house so frequently escape to them. I love both of those homes so I really can't complain.

Wow.

Right. You can't complain. But you can brag here where someone else is struggling.

The rules of DCUM: (1) if you have a problem, it's your own fault, (2) never be supportive or kind when you have an opportunity to brag or one-up.

NP
This should be on the site banner! /s
I hope people don't take those types of responses to heart. Posters are never as superior or correct as they'd like you to believe.

+1

Of course they are not - you can practically tell they are in Safeway, with their smug face. Pulease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

+1

YES! This! Maladjusted, selfish, self centered, self described "introverts" who think they know it all - I find it hilarious, because they don't even have basic, baseline people skills. Remove the stick, people - you are better than no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

You truly need to get out more. This is why people think the locals are judgey. Since you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

DP here and this is not true. The weather, the natural surroundings, the people (such as family), the available activities can make a big difference. It is possible that she would be unhappy anywhere, but there are a lot of people that don't like DC for a reason.

For me, I find it logistically difficult. Our families live out of state, so we miss out on most of their get-togethers and celebrations, and if we want to visit we have to fly our whole family cross-country. We can't just make a last-minute weekend visit. As our parents age I really don't know what we'll do.
Also, my DH is stressed out and grumpy from his job and commute, and somehow he can't see what it's doing to him. I know we might not find a better situation somewhere else but it sounds like people are happier when they move to lower-cost, lower-stress areas.

OP - Thank you. This sums up my situation to a T. I have always been close to my family and living away from them means that I miss out on the little things that fill up my cup.

If your family of origin is the only thing that makes you happy why did you marry, OP? Marriage means leaving your family and starting your own. The fact that you blame your depression on this just sounds like not taking responsibility for your choices, which is probably why you are depressed because you can’t figure out how to be honest about your own choices.

DP here. You are being rude, unsupportive and obtuse. If people want to go to a thread to vent, let them. It is not up to you to beat them down. It is precisely what people do not like about DC - the snark, the unwillingness to be supportive, the fake superiority, and the one upmanship BS. Just shut it.

Sometimes one needs a kick in the pants to get out of their funk. It doesn’t sound like OP has a lot of perspective about her situation. Her husband is employed, she has a house and two kids… things could be a lot worse. Sometimes you just need to bloom where you are planted and it just sounds like OP is bogged down in a lot of self pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what city is your family in?

Why does it matter? So you can rip apart where OP is from?

Well, if OP's hometown is a poverty hell hole or an opportunity desert it should be pointed out. OP may only be feeling and not thinking about DMV. Most people relocate here to work or study, but most of all to make money. You can make good money here and if OP is not getting enriched here in the DMV, they are doing something wrong and maybe OP should run home.

You seem so kind and supportive. I am certain your Googling OP's home town will only magnify that beautiful trait of yours. Perhaps do not make it so obvious why OP does not care for the people in this area.

The DMV may be an acquired taste, but there are many, many other places to live that are not poverty stricken, backwoods hell holes. Don't gravitate back in an opportunity desert because it what you know and it where you grew up. REMEMBER that poverty is contagious, you can catch it from living around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

DP here and this is not true. The weather, the natural surroundings, the people (such as family), the available activities can make a big difference. It is possible that she would be unhappy anywhere, but there are a lot of people that don't like DC for a reason.

For me, I find it logistically difficult. Our families live out of state, so we miss out on most of their get-togethers and celebrations, and if we want to visit we have to fly our whole family cross-country. We can't just make a last-minute weekend visit. As our parents age I really don't know what we'll do.
Also, my DH is stressed out and grumpy from his job and commute, and somehow he can't see what it's doing to him. I know we might not find a better situation somewhere else but it sounds like people are happier when they move to lower-cost, lower-stress areas.

OP - Thank you. This sums up my situation to a T. I have always been close to my family and living away from them means that I miss out on the little things that fill up my cup.

+2

The unsupportive posters know this, and likely do not live too far away from their own family.

I'm the poster who posted that OP would likely not be happy elsewhere and that she was running away from herself. My family lives in Europe, Asia and the Middle East, and we am here in DC. My husband's family is in Europe and Asia.

We never had help with our kids when they were little. Now they're in college and high school. We've lived through a lot of good and bad stuff, and this is why I can tell OP that she has to work on herself now, because moving back home isn't the same as visiting. You can never move back home once you've left. Visiting has all the shine of nostalgia and family goodwill. Not so when you actually need to make a living there, and raise your kids, and look after your parents, and deal with the rest of the relatives.

[Anonymous]

NP
My dh and kids love everything about this place so I would feel too much responsibility if they hated a new area. The situation could be worse so I'll muddle along. I am trying to curb my complaints but it can be so overwhelmingly non-stop miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

Of course. But people who thrive on constant competition and one-upping wouldn’t be happy there, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

You truly need to get out more. This is why people think the locals are judgey. Since you asked.

I live 2k miles away from DMV, I have traveled the country and haven't felt a slower pace in a decent sized town, outside of travels abroad. That's why I asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

You truly need to get out more. This is why people think the locals are judgey. Since you asked.

I live 2k miles away from DMV, I have traveled the country and haven't felt a slower pace in a decent sized town, outside of travels abroad. That's why I asked.

Go down to the deep south, they move slower and talk nicer. But these places have other problems.

[Anonymous]

I can sympathize, but in the end, you need to suck it up and stay where you agreed to live.

Your DH is right. A lot of industries that everyone thought would stay remote are now all going back into the office. On top of that, even if he was to stay remote and his job and company were totally safe forever, a lot of companies don’t let you work remotely from anywhere - there are state taxes to handle, health insurance, different laws for holidays, etc. - most companies really don’t want to deal with that. But really the main reason is that your DH may lose his job and living here in this area makes it easier to get his next job.

If you really want to move back home, I suppose you can move back, but you’d be abandoning your DH and children. You can wait until your kids are out of the house and then you can leave your husband behind.

But I think you owe it to your kids to get yourself into therapy and start opening up to finding great things about this area. This is truly an amazing place to live if you let yourself be open to it. If you can’t find events and things to enjoy, you must be actively trying to avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

You truly need to get out more. This is why people think the locals are judgey. Since you asked.

I live 2k miles away from DMV, I have traveled the country and haven't felt a slower pace in a decent sized town, outside of travels abroad. That's why I asked.

Sounds like you’re the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can sympathize, but in the end, you need to suck it up and stay where you agreed to live.

Your DH is right. A lot of industries that everyone thought would stay remote are now all going back into the office. On top of that, even if he was to stay remote and his job and company were totally safe forever, a lot of companies don’t let you work remotely from anywhere - there are state taxes to handle, health insurance, different laws for holidays, etc. - most companies really don’t want to deal with that. But really the main reason is that your DH may lose his job and living here in this area makes it easier to get his next job.

If you really want to move back home, I suppose you can move back, but you’d be abandoning your DH and children. You can wait until your kids are out of the house and then you can leave your husband behind.

But I think you owe it to your kids to get yourself into therapy and start opening up to finding great things about this area. This is truly an amazing place to live if you let yourself be open to it. If you can’t find events and things to enjoy, you must be actively trying to avoid them.

This is terrible advice and a terrible outlook on life.

PP, what on Earth makes you think you’re qualified to dole out this type of “wisdom”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Are there parts of our country not like this?

You truly need to get out more. This is why people think the locals are judgey. Since you asked.

I live 2k miles away from DMV, I have traveled the country and haven't felt a slower pace in a decent sized town, outside of travels abroad. That's why I asked.

Sounds like you’re the problem

I think so but not exactly how you're thinking. Just because it's a great place for some doesn't mean it's a great place for me. Ever travel to an area or visit a neighborhood and feel completely disconnected to the vibe?
There are also new places where I've felt completely at home but it's foreign and strange to my kids who become suddenly critical.