I hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

Lady this is an internet message board. The Internet is everywhere. You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.

If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge. If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently. You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it. Do what is best for your children. Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton. If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

[Anonymous]

OP is back with more whine, but I am all out of cheese for her narc narrative that is all about me, me, me, me better for me, me, me, me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Except if you’re an awful person that goes with you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

Lady this is an internet message board. The Internet is everywhere. You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.

If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge. If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently. You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it. Do what is best for your children. Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton. If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

OP - I never went to any lawyer about anything. Again, you are confusing me with another poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

Lady this is an internet message board. The Internet is everywhere. You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.

If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge. If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently. You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it. Do what is best for your children. Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton. If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

OP - I never went to any lawyer about anything. Again, you are confusing me with another poster.

Look OP:

Nothing and no one is stopping you from doing anything you want. No one forced you to marry the man you married. No one forced you to move to where you live now. You presumably have money and a.car and skills so you can move anywhere your heart desires whenever you want to.

But other people have rights that are just as important as yours. Your husband has the right to NOT want to move. Your kids have rights to.

Anything you do has consequences. You pay for what you want not just in money but in consequences. Every choice is a trade off and making certain choices forecloses others.

You are where you are right now because of all of the choices you have made up to now.

If you want to make changes, you actually have to think about how to go about it rationally. If you want other people to go along with it you have to persuade them why it would be good for them. You can't just perpetually whine about it.

If they don't agree they don't agree. You suck it up and try to live the best life you can and hope maybe they see it your way someday.

Just quit it with the poor little me I'm a helpless victim routine.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."

Exactly. It's about money and status. They don't hate the parental culture, they ARE the culture. They just dislike where they think they stand in it. They geoarbitage to a place where they feel they will have a higher relative status. Smaller pond so to speak.

Even if true, what is wrong with that?

There is nothing wrong with that. There is something VERY wrong with threatening to kidnap the children if your husband disagrees with you about whether to move or not. Also, making up false reasons for wanting to move or calling it parental culture or other such euphemisms is just b.s.

No one in this thread is supporting the idea of kidnapping anyone. I don't really think that's what OP was talking about, but you seem obsessed with it for some reason.

I'm just saying there are lots of good reason why someone might want to move out of the DMV that have nothing to do with being upset that you aren't high status enough here. I know so many people who want to move and I don't think status really comes into play -- they are MC or UMC in DC, they would be UMC where they want to go, their main concerns are cost of housing, schools, and lower stress. It has nothing to do with status.

OP literally admitted that she threatened her husband with taking their children with her without his consent if he did not want to move to Princeton with her She left that out of her first post but mentioned it in a follow up post.

She also said when she talked to a lawyer about it he told her it wouldn't be a very good idea. More likely he told her she could get in very serious legal trouble for it.

It was AFTER she threatened to kidnap the children that her husband told her he would file for divorce and full custody of she followed through on her threat.

At first OP made it sound like her husband had threatened divorce simply because she wanted to move, but then she finally admitted that it was because she threatened to kidnap the children if he refused to move with her.

A totally different scenario than the OP initially presented.

It's completely understandable why anyone would want to move from the festering crime ridden but very diverse cesspool that is D.C. to the pristine Pastoral highly whitely privileged ivy university Hamlet of Princeton. That needs no explanation.

Would most people threaten to kidnap their own children because they hated d.c. so much? Probably not, although the number is probably growing every day.

I think you need a more challenging job, PP. you have arguments and energy to spare

It really sucks when an OP makes a fool out of you, you get invested vicariously in hatred of the OPs husband, then you find out she duped you. Crushing to your ego, it negates your narrative of woman good man bad.

A very valuable service which I am happy to provide free of charge.

DP but you sound seriously nuts. Step away from the internet.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

Lady this is an internet message board. The Internet is everywhere. You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.

If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge. If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently. You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it. Do what is best for your children. Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton. If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

Hi. I’m not OP. It was me who “threatened” to move back to *Michigan* without my husband’s consent.
I am in kind of a different position than OP. DH didn’t always live with me and the kids, and he works in a hospital 60-80 hours a week. He moved out here about a year and a half before I moved out with the kids. I said that I would try it out for a couple of years. I sold our house near my extended family, shut down my private practice, and moved out here.

I pretty quickly discovered that he and his boss were used to him being unencumbered, and that it is extremely difficult for me to work full time without any unpaid, unstructured help to pinch hit.
My children, particularly the one with special needs, were struggling with the change. He ended up getting kicked out of Catholic school, and I started having to learn about IEPs and accommodations over at the public school.
I gave it a year for everyone to adjust and then suggested that we move closer to home. I told DH that if he didn’t want to move, then I would just move back with the kids.
I didn’t think of it as a threat.

And yes, when he said no, I looked for jobs for him. When he wouldn’t apply, I went to see a lawyer. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I had lost all agency in my life.

I had gone from being a well-respected doctor with sweet kids and a big social network to being essentially a SAHM to kids who had some behavioral problems. I was alone a lot and lonely. I missed my mom and my sister. Even if everything with my son would have happened anyway, it would have been nice to have someone to talk to about it.

I wasn’t telling OP that she should do what I did. I guess it was more a cautionary tale. There is nothing se can do. She has lost any agency here. She can only make the best of the hand she has been dealt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

Lady this is an internet message board. The Internet is everywhere. You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.

If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge. If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently. You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it. Do what is best for your children. Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton. If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

Hi. I’m not OP. It was me who “threatened” to move back to *Michigan* without my husband’s consent.
I am in kind of a different position than OP. DH didn’t always live with me and the kids, and he works in a hospital 60-80 hours a week. He moved out here about a year and a half before I moved out with the kids. I said that I would try it out for a couple of years. I sold our house near my extended family, shut down my private practice, and moved out here.

I pretty quickly discovered that he and his boss were used to him being unencumbered, and that it is extremely difficult for me to work full time without any unpaid, unstructured help to pinch hit.
My children, particularly the one with special needs, were struggling with the change. He ended up getting kicked out of Catholic school, and I started having to learn about IEPs and accommodations over at the public school.
I gave it a year for everyone to adjust and then suggested that we move closer to home. I told DH that if he didn’t want to move, then I would just move back with the kids.
I didn’t think of it as a threat.

And yes, when he said no, I looked for jobs for him. When he wouldn’t apply, I went to see a lawyer. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I had lost all agency in my life.

I had gone from being a well-respected doctor with sweet kids and a big social network to being essentially a SAHM to kids who had some behavioral problems. I was alone a lot and lonely. I missed my mom and my sister. Even if everything with my son would have happened anyway, it would have been nice to have someone to talk to about it.

I wasn’t telling OP that she should do what I did. I guess it was more a cautionary tale. There is nothing se can do. She has lost any agency here. She can only make the best of the hand she has been dealt.

If you are a physician couple, can’t you outsource most childcare and household duties? I know a handful of couples like that in dc who have an au pair+ cleaner as well as a weekend nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

These are all very good reasons to move. I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible. The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now? Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton. Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.

No one said they could. But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality. You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post. She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time. And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument. She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through. Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here? Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.

OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating.

Lady this is an internet message board. The Internet is everywhere. You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.

If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge. If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently. You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it. Do what is best for your children. Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton. If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

Hi. I’m not OP. It was me who “threatened” to move back to *Michigan* without my husband’s consent.
I am in kind of a different position than OP. DH didn’t always live with me and the kids, and he works in a hospital 60-80 hours a week. He moved out here about a year and a half before I moved out with the kids. I said that I would try it out for a couple of years. I sold our house near my extended family, shut down my private practice, and moved out here.

I pretty quickly discovered that he and his boss were used to him being unencumbered, and that it is extremely difficult for me to work full time without any unpaid, unstructured help to pinch hit.
My children, particularly the one with special needs, were struggling with the change. He ended up getting kicked out of Catholic school, and I started having to learn about IEPs and accommodations over at the public school.
I gave it a year for everyone to adjust and then suggested that we move closer to home. I told DH that if he didn’t want to move, then I would just move back with the kids.
I didn’t think of it as a threat.

And yes, when he said no, I looked for jobs for him. When he wouldn’t apply, I went to see a lawyer. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I had lost all agency in my life.

I had gone from being a well-respected doctor with sweet kids and a big social network to being essentially a SAHM to kids who had some behavioral problems. I was alone a lot and lonely. I missed my mom and my sister. Even if everything with my son would have happened anyway, it would have been nice to have someone to talk to about it.

I wasn’t telling OP that she should do what I did. I guess it was more a cautionary tale. There is nothing se can do. She has lost any agency here. She can only make the best of the hand she has been dealt.

If you are a physician couple, can’t you outsource most childcare and household duties? I know a handful of couples like that in dc who have an au pair+ cleaner as well as a weekend nanny.

Yes and no. That’s what I did when I was back home. I had a full time babysitter (my cousin), an occasional babysitter (neighbor’s young adult daughter), and a housekeeper who came 4 days a week and did a lot of the cooking and cleaning.

It was really different here. Looking for real stories on how to hire household help is what brought me to DCUM, actually. I had no experience with it, and even after several years, I’ve never really done a great job of it.

I also get called into the school a lot with my son, and I just feel like he and my other kids needed their mom around more when they don’t have that extended network of people to love on them.

It’s not that I don’t work at all. I just have more of a job than a career.

[Anonymous]

I would check out your astrocartography. Could be that this place is the worst place you can be...like on your Mars line. Maybe it's on his Jupiter or Venus so he is happy. I would say...leave and be happy elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Do much trolling here on DCUM the last six hours of sleepytime….

[Anonymous]

I never liked the DC area. Moved there in 2000 for grad school, met wife and stayed for 24 years. We finally moved out of the area a few weeks ago. I can't put my finger on why, but I never liked the DMV. I did grow up in an area that has the best food in the country but I don't think that is the reason.

[Anonymous]

Well i am a NOVA girl! Grew up in the suburbs of Dc. I love living 30 minutes out from DC and Tysons. Always had wineries in middleburg 15 min from home and 30 min into DC for theater and museums!! Very walkable towns!! Restaurants galore… here in Middleburg we have so many charming places to dine , walk and shop! Head i to Vienna or DC for concert or Opera and a wonderful meal afterwards!! Old town Alexandria is 30 min as well if you want to stroll down historic streets of cobblestone i loved growing up here in NOVA. I had to move to Hanover PA for my soulmate and homesick doesn’t even come close to how i have gelt these past 4 years. No restaurants, no theater, no museum and zero culture.😔 have to drive my daughter an hour each day to school as well. We have a plan to relocate back to NOVA within 2 years. I am going to be a different person. I have tried to make this factory town work but it isn't a place that is relatable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well i am a NOVA girl! Grew up in the suburbs of Dc. I love living 30 minutes out from DC and Tysons. Always had wineries in middleburg 15 min from home and 30 min into DC for theater and museums!! Very walkable towns!! Restaurants galore… here in Middleburg we have so many charming places to dine , walk and shop! Head i to Vienna or DC for concert or Opera and a wonderful meal afterwards!! Old town Alexandria is 30 min as well if you want to stroll down historic streets of cobblestone i loved growing up here in NOVA. I had to move to Hanover PA for my soulmate and homesick doesn’t even come close to how i have gelt these past 4 years. No restaurants, no theater, no museum and zero culture.😔 have to drive my daughter an hour each day to school as well. We have a plan to relocate back to NOVA within 2 years. I am going to be a different person. I have tried to make this factory town work but it isn't a place that is relatable to me.

Exactly. I’m an immigrant and moved here from Texas and can’t believe the difference. OP is just depressed and will be miserable wherever she goes.