I hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

This. DH has quit a job and we have moved and he is still on antidepressants even though he thought the reasons for his depression were these. Now it seems to becoming me. Your narrative is also putting your marriage at risk.

What’s wrong with this area specifically? It’s beautiful and the climate is great. I can see how being in a stressful job or not having enough income would be a real issue but that doesn’t seem to be the case for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell us what town/state you would be returning to if you moved out of the DMV. Then we can determine if it makes sense.

NP here. This is the "bloom where you are planted" types are oblivious and incorrect - and exactly part of the problem. Learn to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

DP here and this is not true. The weather, the natural surroundings, the people (such as family), the available activities can make a big difference. It is possible that she would be unhappy anywhere, but there are a lot of people that don't like DC for a reason.

For me, I find it logistically difficult. Our families live out of state, so we miss out on most of their get-togethers and celebrations, and if we want to visit we have to fly our whole family cross-country. We can't just make a last-minute weekend visit. As our parents age I really don't know what we'll do.
Also, my DH is stressed out and grumpy from his job and commute, and somehow he can't see what it's doing to him. I know we might not find a better situation somewhere else but it sounds like people are happier when they move to lower-cost, lower-stress areas.

OP - Thank you. This sums up my situation to a T. I have always been close to my family and living away from them means that I miss out on the little things that fill up my cup.

If your family of origin is the only thing that makes you happy why did you marry, OP? Marriage means leaving your family and starting your own. The fact that you blame your depression on this just sounds like not taking responsibility for your choices, which is probably why you are depressed because you can’t figure out how to be honest about your own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

DP here and this is not true. The weather, the natural surroundings, the people (such as family), the available activities can make a big difference. It is possible that she would be unhappy anywhere, but there are a lot of people that don't like DC for a reason.

For me, I find it logistically difficult. Our families live out of state, so we miss out on most of their get-togethers and celebrations, and if we want to visit we have to fly our whole family cross-country. We can't just make a last-minute weekend visit. As our parents age I really don't know what we'll do.
Also, my DH is stressed out and grumpy from his job and commute, and somehow he can't see what it's doing to him. I know we might not find a better situation somewhere else but it sounds like people are happier when they move to lower-cost, lower-stress areas.

OP - Thank you. This sums up my situation to a T. I have always been close to my family and living away from them means that I miss out on the little things that fill up my cup.

+2

The unsupportive posters know this, and likely do not live too far away from their own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

DP here and this is not true. The weather, the natural surroundings, the people (such as family), the available activities can make a big difference. It is possible that she would be unhappy anywhere, but there are a lot of people that don't like DC for a reason.

For me, I find it logistically difficult. Our families live out of state, so we miss out on most of their get-togethers and celebrations, and if we want to visit we have to fly our whole family cross-country. We can't just make a last-minute weekend visit. As our parents age I really don't know what we'll do.
Also, my DH is stressed out and grumpy from his job and commute, and somehow he can't see what it's doing to him. I know we might not find a better situation somewhere else but it sounds like people are happier when they move to lower-cost, lower-stress areas.

OP - Thank you. This sums up my situation to a T. I have always been close to my family and living away from them means that I miss out on the little things that fill up my cup.

If your family of origin is the only thing that makes you happy why did you marry, OP? Marriage means leaving your family and starting your own. The fact that you blame your depression on this just sounds like not taking responsibility for your choices, which is probably why you are depressed because you can’t figure out how to be honest about your own choices.

DP here. You are being rude, unsupportive and obtuse. If people want to go to a thread to vent, let them. It is not up to you to beat them down. It is precisely what people do not like about DC - the snark, the unwillingness to be supportive, the fake superiority, and the one upmanship BS. Just shut it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what city is your family in?

Why does it matter? So you can rip apart where OP is from?

[Anonymous]

OP, so you want to live in the same place as your family of origin because you miss them? That’s a different problem than what you wrote originally. Can you or they visit more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've made peace with our cramped lifestyle. Instead of upgrading we bought a cabin and a beach house so frequently escape to them. I love both of those homes so I really can't complain.

Wow.

Right. You can't complain. But you can brag here where someone else is struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've made peace with our cramped lifestyle. Instead of upgrading we bought a cabin and a beach house so frequently escape to them. I love both of those homes so I really can't complain.

Wow.

Right. You can't complain. But you can brag here where someone else is struggling.

The rules of DCUM: (1) if you have a problem, it's your own fault, (2) never be supportive or kind when you have an opportunity to brag or one-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what city is your family in?

Why does it matter? So you can rip apart where OP is from?

Well, if OP's hometown is a poverty hell hole or an opportunity desert it should be pointed out. OP may only be feeling and not thinking about DMV. Most people relocate here to work or study, but most of all to make money. You can make good money here and if OP is not getting enriched here in the DMV, they are doing something wrong and maybe OP should run home.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you here? What is the reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what city is your family in?

Why does it matter? So you can rip apart where OP is from?

Well, if OP's hometown is a poverty hell hole or an opportunity desert it should be pointed out. OP may only be feeling and not thinking about DMV. Most people relocate here to work or study, but most of all to make money. You can make good money here and if OP is not getting enriched here in the DMV, they are doing something wrong and maybe OP should run home.

You seem so kind and supportive. I am certain your Googling OP's home town will only magnify that beautiful trait of yours. Perhaps do not make it so obvious why OP does not care for the people in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've made peace with our cramped lifestyle. Instead of upgrading we bought a cabin and a beach house so frequently escape to them. I love both of those homes so I really can't complain.

Wow.

Right. You can't complain. But you can brag here where someone else is struggling.

The rules of DCUM: (1) if you have a problem, it's your own fault, (2) never be supportive or kind when you have an opportunity to brag or one-up.

+1

This is likely precisely what OP is talking about, as this personality is prevalent in person, in the DMV.

Learn to grow up and back off, other PP.

[Anonymous]

I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've made peace with our cramped lifestyle. Instead of upgrading we bought a cabin and a beach house so frequently escape to them. I love both of those homes so I really can't complain.

Wow.

Right. You can't complain. But you can brag here where someone else is struggling.

The rules of DCUM: (1) if you have a problem, it's your own fault, (2) never be supportive or kind when you have an opportunity to brag or one-up.

NP
This should be on the site banner! /s
I hope people don't take those types of responses to heart. Posters are never as superior or correct as they'd like you to believe.