Halloween and bailing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

My foster child does not have siblings who live with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

I think it’s strange how involved moms are in engineering playdates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rudeness knows no bounds. I remember many years ago my daughter was planning her costume with her neighborhood BFF. About 2 days before Halloween said BFF said to my daughter “I don’t think I’m going to ToT, I’m just going to stay in and watch movies.” Fine. My DD decided to hand out candy with me. Well whom should come along? Her BFF with ANOTHER group of kids from her school in coordinated costumes - they had clearly been planning this for a while. My DD was devastated. She eventually dumped this girl (rightfully so).

Some people are just a$$holes. Find another group and move on.

They came to your house!?!

Wow

No. They skipped out house when they saw me and DD sitting outside. But we saw them. And the mom and BFF’s sibling. We typically hand out about 400/450 pieces of candy (our block is very popular and we usually block it off to traffic). They clearly skipped us when they knew DD was there. It took my DD a while to get over that. It was rough.

Was your DD at a private? Private school makes ToT much tougher

My DD was in public but the girl who bailed was in Catholic school. She ditched my daughter for her school friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

I think it’s strange how involved moms are in engineering playdates.

I’m currently a SAHM but I used to be a working mom. I used to plan much further in advance when I was working. I’m not saying this is necessarily related to working or not but I would often make plans 3-6 weeks in advance. It was very rare that I made spontaneous plans and definitely not day of plans. It is t like I would come home from work and spontaneously invite people over for a play date or dinner. That just never happened.

I now have 3 kids and I would say almost all my kids’ plans are made the day off or the day before. It would almost be strange if someone asked us to plan a play date in 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

I find it so bizarre that you don't realize your experience isn't universal. You really can't fathom a different way of planning Halloween? Really?

[Anonymous]

Not everyone plans everything out. It's bizarre that others don't realize this.

Sometimes the kid just puts on a costume and goes out to join up with whatever group of kids is walking around. Usually parents watch from the street if they are under 12 or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Well they might have got tired of always have to come to your house and it’s possible their kid made some friends with the neighbor kids and the parents just think it’s easier. Or it might be some new friends from school. Ot this is the first year their kid expressed a preference.
Or their kid made plans with other kids didn’t tell the mom and suddenly the mom realized the plans.

Yeah, it could be any of these reasons. And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

I could see doing more if people don't trick or treat in their own neighborhoods. Ours is awesome (people drive here for it), but if your neighborhood isn't set up well, then it makes perfect sense for people to meet up other places.

But I guess you're one of those people who thinks everyone lives in the exact same kind of neighborhood as you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

My foster child does not have siblings who live with us

+1
My son doesn't have siblings. We took him out trick or treating just the 3 of us when he was littler. But he wants to go with friends these days. And there aren't any kids in our neighborhood.

We don't ALL live idyllic 1980s suburban lives anymore, pp. Actually, If I could control Halloween, it'd be like Halloween on ET

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone plans everything out. It's bizarre that others don't realize this.

Sometimes the kid just puts on a costume and goes out to join up with whatever group of kids is walking around. Usually parents watch from the street if they are under 12 or so.

If this were true for OP'S kid's friend, they would have said "hey Jake's just going to put on a costume and head on out. Come over at 6 to join us!" Instead of cancelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rudeness knows no bounds. I remember many years ago my daughter was planning her costume with her neighborhood BFF. About 2 days before Halloween said BFF said to my daughter “I don’t think I’m going to ToT, I’m just going to stay in and watch movies.” Fine. My DD decided to hand out candy with me. Well whom should come along? Her BFF with ANOTHER group of kids from her school in coordinated costumes - they had clearly been planning this for a while. My DD was devastated. She eventually dumped this girl (rightfully so).

Some people are just a$$holes. Find another group and move on.

They came to your house!?!

Wow

No. They skipped out house when they saw me and DD sitting outside. But we saw them. And the mom and BFF’s sibling. We typically hand out about 400/450 pieces of candy (our block is very popular and we usually block it off to traffic). They clearly skipped us when they knew DD was there. It took my DD a while to get over that. It was rough.

Was your DD at a private? Private school makes ToT much tougher

My DD was in public but the girl who bailed was in Catholic school. She ditched my daughter for her school friends.

Where were your daughter’s school friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rudeness knows no bounds. I remember many years ago my daughter was planning her costume with her neighborhood BFF. About 2 days before Halloween said BFF said to my daughter “I don’t think I’m going to ToT, I’m just going to stay in and watch movies.” Fine. My DD decided to hand out candy with me. Well whom should come along? Her BFF with ANOTHER group of kids from her school in coordinated costumes - they had clearly been planning this for a while. My DD was devastated. She eventually dumped this girl (rightfully so).

Some people are just a$$holes. Find another group and move on.

They came to your house!?!

Wow

No. They skipped out house when they saw me and DD sitting outside. But we saw them. And the mom and BFF’s sibling. We typically hand out about 400/450 pieces of candy (our block is very popular and we usually block it off to traffic). They clearly skipped us when they knew DD was there. It took my DD a while to get over that. It was rough.

Was your DD at a private? Private school makes ToT much tougher

My DD was in public but the girl who bailed was in Catholic school. She ditched my daughter for her school friends.

Where were your daughter’s school friends?

No idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

Thank you for this! When I grew up we would make plans (at least starting 4th grade or so), but I am going to be more easy going with my own DC. If plans naturally arise, fine. Otherwise we can meet people on the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone plans everything out. It's bizarre that others don't realize this.

Sometimes the kid just puts on a costume and goes out to join up with whatever group of kids is walking around. Usually parents watch from the street if they are under 12 or so.

Who has said they think *everyone* plans everything out?

Sometimes the kid(s) get ready and head out and see whom they meet up with.

Sometimes (usually when they're older) kid(s) make plans to trick or treat with specific people.

And everything in between. The fundamental issue in this thread isn't relevant to Halloween, it's that once you've made plans with someone, you don't bail when something better comes along. That's really not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

I think it’s strange how involved moms are in engineering playdates.

Some of the worst social engineering I’ve seen in my neighborhood has involved trick or treating. It’s not about who the kids want to trick or treat with. It’s about what moms want to hang out together and drink wine out of travel mugs together.