Halloween and bailing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of the other family. Once you make a commitment, you stick with it, even if something “better” comes along. If it were me I would simply reply “ok” and never plan anything with them again.

That's what we did. Had 2 playdates, then family invited themselves to trick or treat with us. They are not from US so while I was a bit taken aback, I thought ok, different customs regarding invitations, and best to be nice and give them a real Halloween experience. They texted to cancel 20 minutes before the appointed time, saying they were just going to go on their own. No excuse, no apology. The kids were kindergarteners and mine had been very excited to go with a friend like her older siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no age when bailing is courteous, OP. That family is a bit rude, and next time, I hope you won't make firm plans with them.

Very rude.

At that age, parents still social engineer. Guessing that parents saw the other invite as a group they want to socialize with and ToT provides access.

+1

Be grateful, OP. Those parents are stuck in middle school and want to hang with the cool kids - except they are not cool, at all. They deserve each other, OP.

[Anonymous]

If there was no apology then perhaps they know they are being uncool and just don’t have the emotional maturity to be accountable. How long have you known this family?

[Anonymous]

I don’t even understand how this works. My kids usually start tot’ing with one group, then we run into other groups, groups get rearranged and split, and by the time the night is over, we’ve tot’ed with 20 different friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even understand how this works. My kids usually start tot’ing with one group, then we run into other groups, groups get rearranged and split, and by the time the night is over, we’ve tot’ed with 20 different friends.

Lots of moms will plan in advance who their kid is going to trick or treat with. They meet up in advance in one of their neighborhoods, and then sometimes switch to another neighborhood. It sucks, my kids used to just trick or treat with all of their neighbors of various ages. But starting upper elementary, the neighbor kids started disappearing to trick or treat elsewhere, even though we have a nice festive street with lots of involved families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Had you expressly agreed to continue your 1:1 tradition or did they just give you notice 4 days ahead of time that they were doing something different this year? If it’s the latter and you had just assumed you’d do a repeat of prior years then I don’t necessarily think that is wrong. But if you had pre-planned to go together and got ditched that is totally rude. They should at the least give your kid the option to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rudeness knows no bounds. I remember many years ago my daughter was planning her costume with her neighborhood BFF. About 2 days before Halloween said BFF said to my daughter “I don’t think I’m going to ToT, I’m just going to stay in and watch movies.” Fine. My DD decided to hand out candy with me. Well whom should come along? Her BFF with ANOTHER group of kids from her school in coordinated costumes - they had clearly been planning this for a while. My DD was devastated. She eventually dumped this girl (rightfully so).

Some people are just a$$holes. Find another group and move on.

OMG the girl ditched her and then came to your door to flaunt it? How did she think she would get away with her fib?

[Anonymous]

Rude! Eff that crap. Don’t even bother responding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this kind of thing. Ds wants to tot with a group that is more risk taking. I want him to tot with an old friend that I trust way more. I can't overrule ds' plans he's been making for weeks because of my own preferences. He's too old for my social engineering now

How old are your kids?


That’s reasonable. But did you bail? If not you’re good. If you did bail, did you acknowledge it was a bail? If so you’re good.

Did not bail, I would have dug my heels in on that but more out of selfish desires. I think it's OK to bail a certain amount of time away from the event at those young ages. Less than a week is too close though!

[Anonymous]

Your friend was not popular in high school and has. It gotten over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no age when bailing is courteous, OP. That family is a bit rude, and next time, I hope you won't make firm plans with them.

I’d never make plans with them again.

Unfortunately, the bailing kids and his parents probably don’t care - Which is why they thought this relationship was worth the risk of losing.

[Anonymous]

Of course it is rude...were you expecting different responses? At a minimum they should have invited your child to join the other group. But life goes on..hopefully yours will find another group even on the night of when he is out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even understand how this works. My kids usually start tot’ing with one group, then we run into other groups, groups get rearranged and split, and by the time the night is over, we’ve tot’ed with 20 different friends.

This. I don’t really understand the issue but my kids never did one on one trick or treating. When they were younger they went out in groups with whoever was in the neighborhood and parents tagged behind. The groups changed as the night went on. By 5th or 6th grade the kids made their own plans and went without parents.

My youngest is the only one trick or tricking and as of this morning, she told me she hasn’t finalized her plans with friends yet and will let me know on Tuesday who she’s going with, or at least starting out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

I just posted and am reading this follow up. Did you specifically plan for this year? Your kids are getting older and it’s more common to go in groups, especially if it’s a festive neighborhood. Are your kids close friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

I just posted and am reading this follow up. Did you specifically plan for this year? Your kids are getting older and it’s more common to go in groups, especially if it’s a festive neighborhood. Are your kids close friends?

Planned in advance for this year in early October, and they are close friends. they go to different schools. I get that things evolve. It's just the flippant way that this was handled which I have the biggest issue with. At the very least, acknowledge that you are breaking plans and offer a different plan.