Halloween and bailing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Well they might have got tired of always have to come to your house and it’s possible their kid made some friends with the neighbor kids and the parents just think it’s easier. Or it might be some new friends from school. Ot this is the first year their kid expressed a preference.
Or their kid made plans with other kids didn’t tell the mom and suddenly the mom realized the plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Well they might have got tired of always have to come to your house and it’s possible their kid made some friends with the neighbor kids and the parents just think it’s easier. Or it might be some new friends from school. Ot this is the first year their kid expressed a preference.
Or their kid made plans with other kids didn’t tell the mom and suddenly the mom realized the plans.

**Hallow-splain**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Well they might have got tired of always have to come to your house and it’s possible their kid made some friends with the neighbor kids and the parents just think it’s easier. Or it might be some new friends from school. Ot this is the first year their kid expressed a preference.
Or their kid made plans with other kids didn’t tell the mom and suddenly the mom realized the plans.

Well they could acknowledge they were acting shitty regardless of the reason for cancelling

[Anonymous]

That’s awful and their parents are poorly bred for condoning that. You don’t flake for a better offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age do people just start bailing on their friends on Halloween? My kid has had plans with another kid for ToTing for weeks and 2 seconds ago the parents share that the kid decided to go ToTing with another group instead. I'm most annoyed because more notice would have been nice and considerate. We have turned down other invites. They are 8 and 7. How about teaching your kids to honor commitments?

That’s pretty crappy. They should have invited your kid or declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this kind of thing. Ds wants to tot with a group that is more risk taking. I want him to tot with an old friend that I trust way more. I can't overrule ds' plans he's been making for weeks because of my own preferences. He's too old for my social engineering now

That’s reasonable. But did you bail? If not you’re good. If you did bail, did you acknowledge it was a bail? If so you’re good.

Did not bail, I would have dug my heels in on that but more out of selfish desires. I think it's OK to bail a certain amount of time away from the event at those young ages. Less than a week is too close though!

If you’re uncertain you should hold off before agreeing. To agree and then bail is gross and you are burning bridges that way.

[Anonymous]

Op how did you respond? I agree with the other poster to let them know this upset your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Well they might have got tired of always have to come to your house and it’s possible their kid made some friends with the neighbor kids and the parents just think it’s easier. Or it might be some new friends from school. Ot this is the first year their kid expressed a preference.
Or their kid made plans with other kids didn’t tell the mom and suddenly the mom realized the plans.

Well they could acknowledge they were acting shitty regardless of the reason for cancelling

Nobody owes your kids an apology boo

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid part of a larger group? If so, no big deal. If not and it was a one-on-one thing, extremely rude. If the other kid wanted to join the other group, they should have asked your kid to join too. That would probably be okay in my book.

Toxic parenting right there. Just bc your parents may have treated you like shit you don’t need to perpetuate the cycle

It was just a one on one thing. Our neighborhood gets very festive at Halloween and we've been doing this for a few years. There was no apology, no acknowledgment, anything. Honestly, I think they decided to host a separate group.

Well they might have got tired of always have to come to your house and it’s possible their kid made some friends with the neighbor kids and the parents just think it’s easier. Or it might be some new friends from school. Ot this is the first year their kid expressed a preference.
Or their kid made plans with other kids didn’t tell the mom and suddenly the mom realized the plans.

Well they could acknowledge they were acting shitty regardless of the reason for cancelling

Nobody owes your kids an apology boo

[Anonymous]

Very rude. My child was invited by a group and he said yes. Another group asked him today that he would probably prefer but he told them he already told another group he would go with them.

My daughter got invited by a few girls. She wants to go with a different group. The kids aren’t old enough to have phones. I have not yet reached out to the ones my daughter wants to go with so I have not answered the other requests yet. Not responding is also rude but I think it is less rude than saying yes and canceling for new plans.

I hate adults who do this as well.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

[Anonymous]

Just to offer a different perspective, did HIS parents know about and confirm the plans ahead of time? Or is this something you only assumed they had approved?
7/8 year olds still need supervision.
If your kid “arranged” for this on his own (and it wasn’t you arranging directly with other kid’s parents), it is possible that their family got an invite from another group and when the kid said “but I’m already going with Larlo”—there was a discussion about how to handle and the mom just said she’d text larlo’s mom and let her know he has other plans.

Maybe that didn’t happen this way.
But if it was firm in YOUR eyes but ambiguous (or even unknown) in their eyes, then that is a possible explanation.

If they knew and confirmed WITH YOU directly and then pulled the switcher op for a better invitation, then they suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

I turned down an invite for one of my kids for this reason. Halloween doesn’t need to be play date-ified. I don’t want to drive my kids to another neighborhood to ToT there and then go back and pick them up. It’s supposed to be an organic neighborhood thing- you walk out of your house, ToT at your own neighbors’ houses, walk with the kids who live near you, then walk right back into your own house to plunder your loot. No dates. No driving elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

I turned down an invite for one of my kids for this reason. Halloween doesn’t need to be play date-ified. I don’t want to drive my kids to another neighborhood to ToT there and then go back and pick them up. It’s supposed to be an organic neighborhood thing- you walk out of your house, ToT at your own neighbors’ houses, walk with the kids who live near you, then walk right back into your own house to plunder your loot. No dates. No driving elsewhere.

At a certain age, the kids want to go with their actual friends. That’s probably what happened to OP. The other kid made plans with friends from school and his parents weren’t aware when they agreed to the traditional plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

We did orchestrated Halloween when I was a kid in the 80s/90s. Friends who lived in less dense neighborhoods would sleep over and trick or treat in denser neighborhoods. It was fun.