Halloween and bailing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very rude. My child was invited by a group and he said yes. Another group asked him today that he would probably prefer but he told them he already told another group he would go with them.

My daughter got invited by a few girls. She wants to go with a different group. The kids aren’t old enough to have phones. I have not yet reached out to the ones my daughter wants to go with so I have not answered the other requests yet. Not responding is also rude but I think it is less rude than saying yes and canceling for new plans.

I hate adults who do this as well.

We’re lucky to be in a huge Halloween zone where eventually everyone will run into everyone. This has allowed my kid to TOT with the friend he first promised to go with, but tell later friends that he will also TOT with them when he runs into them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

I turned down an invite for one of my kids for this reason. Halloween doesn’t need to be play date-ified. I don’t want to drive my kids to another neighborhood to ToT there and then go back and pick them up. It’s supposed to be an organic neighborhood thing- you walk out of your house, ToT at your own neighbors’ houses, walk with the kids who live near you, then walk right back into your own house to plunder your loot. No dates. No driving elsewhere.

At a certain age, the kids want to go with their actual friends. That’s probably what happened to OP. The other kid made plans with friends from school and his parents weren’t aware when they agreed to the traditional plan.

They clearly knew or they never would’ve texted OP about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to offer a different perspective, did HIS parents know about and confirm the plans ahead of time? Or is this something you only assumed they had approved?
7/8 year olds still need supervision.
If your kid “arranged” for this on his own (and it wasn’t you arranging directly with other kid’s parents), it is possible that their family got an invite from another group and when the kid said “but I’m already going with Larlo”—there was a discussion about how to handle and the mom just said she’d text larlo’s mom and let her know he has other plans.

Maybe that didn’t happen this way.
But if it was firm in YOUR eyes but ambiguous (or even unknown) in their eyes, then that is a possible explanation.

If they knew and confirmed WITH YOU directly and then pulled the switcher op for a better invitation, then they suck.

Can you please read the effing post and follow ups? Your “different perspective” is wrong and useless.

[Anonymous]

Any age if the parents are rude! My son’s friend asked to ToT in our neighborhood 2 weeks ago and we confirmed this week. My son is 9. We have had several talks this week about how to be a kind friend and a good host - most importantly that is it ok to join up with groups of kids you know, but to make sure our guest is included and having fun. And under no circumstances can the guest be left behind in an unfamiliar place!!!

I trust my kid, but I feel like these things need to be taught explicitly and young kids need to be reminded. On his own, without prompting, my same 9yr old skipped his best friend’s birthday party because he had already committed to a an activity with a different friend that involved the parents buying timed tickets. He understood how hurtful and rude it would be to back out because something “better” came along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

I turned down an invite for one of my kids for this reason. Halloween doesn’t need to be play date-ified. I don’t want to drive my kids to another neighborhood to ToT there and then go back and pick them up. It’s supposed to be an organic neighborhood thing- you walk out of your house, ToT at your own neighbors’ houses, walk with the kids who live near you, then walk right back into your own house to plunder your loot. No dates. No driving elsewhere.

At a certain age, the kids want to go with their actual friends. That’s probably what happened to OP. The other kid made plans with friends from school and his parents weren’t aware when they agreed to the traditional plan.

They clearly knew or they never would’ve texted OP about it.

Or they texted OP when they found out about the plans. They were telling her the kid made other plans. OP viewed it as them cancelling, which they did. But maybe the kid never knew his parents were still planning on this with an old friend from a different school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

Ok but not everyone lives in a neighborhood that’s well-lit, with sidewalks, where ppl feel safe going door to door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

I turned down an invite for one of my kids for this reason. Halloween doesn’t need to be play date-ified. I don’t want to drive my kids to another neighborhood to ToT there and then go back and pick them up. It’s supposed to be an organic neighborhood thing- you walk out of your house, ToT at your own neighbors’ houses, walk with the kids who live near you, then walk right back into your own house to plunder your loot. No dates. No driving elsewhere.

At a certain age, the kids want to go with their actual friends. That’s probably what happened to OP. The other kid made plans with friends from school and his parents weren’t aware when they agreed to the traditional plan.

They clearly knew or they never would’ve texted OP about it.

Or they texted OP when they found out about the plans. They were telling her the kid made other plans. OP viewed it as them cancelling, which they did. But maybe the kid never knew his parents were still planning on this with an old friend from a different school.

That all is possible. They still should own it (op’s friends)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I miss the days when you just walked around with whoever was in the neighborhood. Now, like everything else in their lives, it’s an orchestrated production.

I turned down an invite for one of my kids for this reason. Halloween doesn’t need to be play date-ified. I don’t want to drive my kids to another neighborhood to ToT there and then go back and pick them up. It’s supposed to be an organic neighborhood thing- you walk out of your house, ToT at your own neighbors’ houses, walk with the kids who live near you, then walk right back into your own house to plunder your loot. No dates. No driving elsewhere.

At a certain age, the kids want to go with their actual friends. That’s probably what happened to OP. The other kid made plans with friends from school and his parents weren’t aware when they agreed to the traditional plan.

They clearly knew or they never would’ve texted OP about it.

Or they texted OP when they found out about the plans. They were telling her the kid made other plans. OP viewed it as them cancelling, which they did. But maybe the kid never knew his parents were still planning on this with an old friend from a different school.

That all is possible. They still should own it (op’s friends)

You are quoting me. I’m wondering what they specifically said. OP said she posted seconds later, which means she was emotional and mad. I get it. It’s your kid. But maybe they did own it and she overreacted.

OP- how did they word the cancellation?

[Anonymous]

Kids can sometimes dig their heels in, as we all now. If it was my kid I would have had them call or write OPs kid and share the change in plans.

[Anonymous]

I find it so bizarre that people are planning out Halloween trick or treating plans weeks in advance like they are playdates? My kids go in our neighborhood. If they run into friends, they join up and visit houses together. If they don't, they just do their own thing.

[Anonymous]

What did the text say?

[Anonymous]

I cancelled on someone for trick or treating plans. I think it’s ok because the family we were going with can still trick or treat. It’s not like a playdate that just doesn’t happen if we don’t come. They will go without us. (They live in the “good” neighborhood and we were going to join them.) I cancelled because our older boys keep getting into tiffs and could use some time apart. I’m not spending Halloween night mediating. Especially when the mom from the other family gets super upset every time the kids get into it. I think our family and their family aren’t good candidates to be family friends anymore. The younger siblings are in school together and can keep seeing each other at school, and that will be plenty.

The point is, sometimes it’s all more complicated than you think.

I didn’t say all of this to the other mom because she gets hurt so easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cancelled on someone for trick or treating plans. I think it’s ok because the family we were going with can still trick or treat. It’s not like a playdate that just doesn’t happen if we don’t come. They will go without us. (They live in the “good” neighborhood and we were going to join them.) I cancelled because our older boys keep getting into tiffs and could use some time apart. I’m not spending Halloween night mediating. Especially when the mom from the other family gets super upset every time the kids get into it. I think our family and their family aren’t good candidates to be family friends anymore. The younger siblings are in school together and can keep seeing each other at school, and that will be plenty.

The point is, sometimes it’s all more complicated than you think.

I didn’t say all of this to the other mom because she gets hurt so easily.

Then why accept to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids can sometimes dig their heels in, as we all now. If it was my kid I would have had them call or write OPs kid and share the change in plans.

We do that with our ten year old. Teaching kids mii oh re accountability than most adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cancelled on someone for trick or treating plans. I think it’s ok because the family we were going with can still trick or treat. It’s not like a playdate that just doesn’t happen if we don’t come. They will go without us. (They live in the “good” neighborhood and we were going to join them.) I cancelled because our older boys keep getting into tiffs and could use some time apart. I’m not spending Halloween night mediating. Especially when the mom from the other family gets super upset every time the kids get into it. I think our family and their family aren’t good candidates to be family friends anymore. The younger siblings are in school together and can keep seeing each other at school, and that will be plenty.

The point is, sometimes it’s all more complicated than you think.

I didn’t say all of this to the other mom because she gets hurt so easily.

Why not send your younger child with them or your older children with other friends. Mommy doesn’t need to be there.