should i up my tiger mom game?

[Anonymous]

Donut hole family? Wth is that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Donut hole family? Wth is that??

It’s a family that likes to eat donut holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. Very good student, does all his work with no parental involvement, currently getting all As and a high B in AP US history with minimal effort, plus ~2hrs of intense practice for his sport a day.
Generally we've been pretty hands off. We expect him to put in effort in school, exposed him to a lot in childhood, but did not really push hard on any academic enrichment or even monitor homework. He goes to public school. Participating in the intense sport is 100% his choosing - he may or may end up good enough, or interested enough, to participate in college. Otherwise he's a pretty ordinary kid with a good group of friends.

I'm wondering if, now that he's in high school, we should up our game. We're a donut hole family, so ultimately, where he goes to college will depend on aid offers, and while DH and I are of the mind that he is likely to be successful wherever he ends up, DS himself is focused on going to a very good school. If we doubled down, hired a tutor, or just did extensive review with him before those AP history tests, I'm pretty sure that high B in his AP class could be an A. I just don't know if that's worth it, and this college game is all new to me.

I feel this trade off between helping him get into the best school possible, but with a load of perhaps unnecessary stress and parental involvement, and letting him continue to be the one in the drivers seat and modeling balance instead of achieve-at-all-costs. Curious what those who have been through the college process think.

I haven't read everything. Anything.

Suggestion is to not tiger mom anything. Whether you're looking for merit or top 20 admit, that kind of thing needs to be self-motivated. It's there or it's not. Don't bother pushing. In 9th grade, I would give a heads up about family finances and what it takes for merit and acceptances to the more selective schools. Be extremely realistic. There are about 20 schools that will make it work out for every family.
Identify them

And be totally cool with State U honors program.

Good grades and test scores are the first part of anything. It's the rest of it that matters. Be passionate about something. Thats's the thing that shines through.

[Anonymous]

Look into full ride scholarships like UAlabama presidential elite (4.0 weighted(?) GPA + 36 act required); schools like UA that give generous merit aid are likely to have a substantial cohort of super high-achieving peers for your DS to connect with.

I also suggest you talk with him about why he works as hard as it does - I suggest you give him books that can help him be more efficient with where he puts his effort so he can achieve better results with the same or less effort. Books like How to be a High School Superstar, Understanding How We Learn: A Visual Guide, https://blog.prepscholar.com/how-to-get-a-4-0-gpa-and-get-better-grades-by-a-harvard-alum (using his strategies a 3.8 UW is achievable with much less time and effort than a 4.0 UW), tools like Obsidian and Anki, etc.

[Anonymous]

Genuine question: What would you people do if you had a child with LDs or average IQ? My DS has both (despite both parents going to T10 schools, paying for tutors, etc.). How do you be a tiger mom to an average kid? Not DCUM average, like kid who has to work extremely hard to get a B in grade-level classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he’s serious about the selective schools, B’s won’t help. It’s not that tutors are required—first I’d see if he is willing to go beyond “minimal effort.”

It isn’t that a B isn’t good enough. But a B with “minimal effort” is not exactly great work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Donut hole family? Wth is that??

It’s a family that likes to eat donut holes.

+1 They sell them at Dunkin'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your son mentally handle intense parental pressure? My kids would have offed themselves with the tiger mom approach. I say this with all seriousness.

It is NOT a healthy approach for the majority of kids. Really not the best way to approach life.

+1

The TM ethic are moms who are overcompensating and living vicariously - moms forcing (not that they would call it that) their children to attend colleges they themselves would never be admitted to, even 30 years ago. It ids based 100% on preparation, not natural intellect. Learn to back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Genuine question: What would you people do if you had a child with LDs or average IQ? My DS has both (despite both parents going to T10 schools, paying for tutors, etc.). How do you be a tiger mom to an average kid? Not DCUM average, like kid who has to work extremely hard to get a B in grade-level classes.

I think it is the effort level and potential that is key. My spouse comes from a family of physicians. It was clear from an early age his neurodivergent sibling was not headed to med school- the ability just wasn’t there. But the parents kept pushing and pushing that path and it ended up doing a lot of psychological damage.

I think you have to be realistic what your child is capable of and help them reach that potential. If that means pushing your easy A+ student to take harder classes and challenge themselves or seek out higher learning beyond what their high school offers, then do that. If it means supporting you LD student with a tutor so they can pass chemistry with C then do that. But it is important for kids to know that *their best is good enough.