should i up my tiger mom game?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. You want your kid to be as independent as absolutely possible so that a) they gain practice and confidence in being independent and b) you can see what happens and give feedback if necessary and be there to help them adjust if things go sideways.

[Anonymous]

What’s a donut hole?

[Anonymous]

I am not going to up my tiger mom, but I decided that I am going to give my son this book today - instead of waiting for the winter holidays.

https://www.amazon.com/Best-389-Colleges-2024-Depth/dp/0593516869/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=388+best+colleges+2024&qid=1698425803&s=books&sr=1-1

He is also a freshman. I went to an ivy league college - and I am not applying to college again. I can offer advice, but it's up to him now that's he is in high school. I also think this is how they succeed in college and after - not being spoon fed by their parents and putting in the work themselves, and figuring out how to fix their own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s a donut hole?

I think it is when you make too much to qualify for financial aid, but not enough that you can easily afford college / it's not a hardship to pay.

[Anonymous]

I asked my kids how involved they wanted me to be. It was a giant range. And it was part of a college conversation that included money, showing them the 529 statements, who Princeton can be cheaper than BC for people like us - but a little step down from BC can be affordable too. It was college 101 the summer before 9th.

Both kids asked me to be a little involved, mostly boiling down to not harassing them about grades (it's a really hard high school) but getting information about summer programs. Etc.

IOW, I'd ask the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the only sane approach is to raise kids who can be happy and successful attending (and after attending) a reasonably wide range of colleges and then emphasize to them that admissions are a crap shoot and that what they do once they are at college matters more than which one of 10 or 15 or 20 they end up going to.

X10000

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So while you peruse the responses of more laissez-faire parents, please be aware that now is the time some parents hire a private college consultant. Some parents freak out when their kids are juniors and seniors, but college consultant reserve more spots and more of their interest to shepherding the high school careers of 9th graders. They can tease out student interest, advise on which courses to pick all four years of high school (that's if you hire one for an 8th grader), weigh pros and cons of various extra curriculars for which colleges, suggest a list of colleges tailored to student interest and achievement, and finally edit essays and manage deadlines and stress for the actual application season.

The best ones are very expensive, of course. And sometimes parents look back and wonder whether it was all worth it.

But I'm just telling you that NORMAL parenting runs the gamut between hands-off and hands-on, and it's ALL FINE. It depends on parent and student personalities, and available funds.

High school career? What if your kid wants to change things around? Bc kids evolve and want to explore different things? It really is a pay to play system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Where did your son go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Really??? Are you from the US? Growing up I never knew anyone with a tutor who didn't have severe academic issues and I only heard about governesses in books.

PP you replied to. I am European and I am indeed talking about a real governess, one who teaches and lives with the family. And my dear PP. Parents who can afford it hire tutors for their kids as early as elementary school, for remedial and enrichment purposes. Today, in the DC area.

I am also European, from London. Your terminology is archaic. There is no one in the whole of Europe who has a governess because they no longer exist. You might have a live-in tutor though.

So you can't read? I said my mother had a governess. And that nowadays, people shouldn't scoff at tutors, which are essentially a continuation of that.

I see several posters have responded to my post and side-tracked the thread. In your (jealous) haste to excoriate someone you perceive to be part of the elite, you're getting sloppy.

Wow not PP but I didn’t get jealousy or putting down of the elite class. You seem to projecting your stuff onto other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Really??? Are you from the US? Growing up I never knew anyone with a tutor who didn't have severe academic issues and I only heard about governesses in books.

PP you replied to. I am European and I am indeed talking about a real governess, one who teaches and lives with the family. And my dear PP. Parents who can afford it hire tutors for their kids as early as elementary school, for remedial and enrichment purposes. Today, in the DC area.

I am also European, from London. Your terminology is archaic. There is no one in the whole of Europe who has a governess because they no longer exist. You might have a live-in tutor though.

So you can't read? I said my mother had a governess. And that nowadays, people shouldn't scoff at tutors, which are essentially a continuation of that.

I see several posters have responded to my post and side-tracked the thread. In your (jealous) haste to excoriate someone you perceive to be part of the elite, you're getting sloppy.

How rude. You have serious delusions of grandeur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Really??? Are you from the US? Growing up I never knew anyone with a tutor who didn't have severe academic issues and I only heard about governesses in books.

PP you replied to. I am European and I am indeed talking about a real governess, one who teaches and lives with the family. And my dear PP. Parents who can afford it hire tutors for their kids as early as elementary school, for remedial and enrichment purposes. Today, in the DC area.

I am also European, from London. Your terminology is archaic. There is no one in the whole of Europe who has a governess because they no longer exist. You might have a live-in tutor though.

So you can't read? I said my mother had a governess. And that nowadays, people shouldn't scoff at tutors, which are essentially a continuation of that.

I see several posters have responded to my post and side-tracked the thread. In your (jealous) haste to excoriate someone you perceive to be part of the elite, you're getting sloppy.

Wow not PP but I didn’t get jealousy or putting down of the elite class. You seem to projecting your stuff onto other people.

+1 And I'm definitely not perceiving you as part of the elite. Just kind of off in your thinking and writing--saying things like "my dear PP" and missing some key points in the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the only sane approach is to raise kids who can be happy and successful attending (and after attending) a reasonably wide range of colleges and then emphasize to them that admissions are a crap shoot and that what they do once they are at college matters more than which one of 10 or 15 or 20 they end up going to.

X10000

Well said.

I totally agree with this also.

[Anonymous]

It depends how healthy you are, and how mentally healthy you want him to be.

So far, sounds like you are doing a great job. Stay the course ( regardless of what you hear or see around you. That can be difficult)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Really??? Are you from the US? Growing up I never knew anyone with a tutor who didn't have severe academic issues and I only heard about governesses in books.

Not that PP. I think she means nannies. Governesses did indeed go out with Queen Victoria.

They are still very much a thing mostly outside of the US among the UHNW folks. Here’s a job ad in the US too:

https://g.co/kgs/DSMwny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does a very good school mean to your son? The very top schools don't offer merit aid-- does that mean they are not options? Ron Lieber, The Price You Pay For College, may be a good read. He encourages parents to have frank convos with their kids... it's not about being a tiger mom, but you can be honest about how academic performance can be tied to aid offers, and what your hopes/expectations are. Best of luck.

+100. This. If getting merit to your flagship is needed, that is one thing. If you are saying getting 20-30K in merit to a private college and you can pay 40-50K, likely they have to be willing to go a tier down in prestige and watch friends apply ED to schools that are either need-based only aid and/or take a large percentage in ED and be fine that they can’t go that route despite having great grades.