I am an independent person, not just a conduit to my kids - rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I like spending time with my parents, and the kids come with me. If you want to see the kids more, pick up the phone and ask the son you raised to schedule time with you.”

This is basically the answer.

[Anonymous]

Here’s my rant. Tell your damn husband to take your kids to visit his parents more. Problem solved. Not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my rant. Tell your damn husband to take your kids to visit his parents more. Problem solved. Not rocket science.

NP. I don’t want my husband to take my kids to see his parents more, but of course if he actively wanted to, I wouldn’t stand in his way. Not my business, really. If the kids wanted to see their grandparents more, they would ask. Not a problem to me, and if my ILs whined, I would tell them to go talk to the son they raised.

[Anonymous]

Jesus.

They need to talk to their own son. If they want to see the kids, he can make the arrangements. And if he is working, he can coordinate with you. Stop dealing with these people. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can definitely see how this is annoying, but I'm not with you on the waiting a month to see a newborn first grandchild. They should be told of the impending birth when labor starts, just like your mom. Then they can get there as quickly as possible with a little help for logistics from your husband and meet the baby at the first feasible opportunity. Denying them access while your mother stays and helps 24-7 is just cruel.

Plus, you just never know what help you will need. I had a very colicky baby, and even though my mom and mil are both bat-sh*t crazy, they we both there with me, taking 15 minute shifts walking around with a screaming baby all night.

To those new moms, it takes a village.

Agree that no one should have to wait a month to meet a grand baby. Even if you don't want them staying at first, a month is not reasonable.

Many people wait much longer than a month to see their grandchild, and somehow they survive.

Let's not hijack the thread with this topic. OP isn't talking about the initial baby visit.

I think the husband is a workaholic because he doesn't want to or can't deal with all of this. You won't solve the in law problem until you solve the husband problem.

It’s not OP’s “problem” to “solve.” If DH wants to see the parents and take his kids, or make arrangements for his parents to visit when he can actively host, he can do so. It’s a problem for OP’s ILs, not for OP. If they want to solve it, they can pick up the phone and call the son they raised.

OP does have a problem if this issue causes her to come here to rant. She's not dealing with this problem very well, apparently.

…that’s why she labeled it as a “rant,” Love. See how that works? Someone ELSE called it a problem, and that’s why I used quotation marks when responding to that other person. I hope you are all caught up now.

To spend the time to type that out, all those words and paragraphs, and then pretend like its not a problem? Ok. OP would be better off just going for a walk to cope with hee “problems”. Get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my rant. Tell your damn husband to take your kids to visit his parents more. Problem solved. Not rocket science.

NP. I don’t want my husband to take my kids to see his parents more, but of course if he actively wanted to, I wouldn’t stand in his way. Not my business, really. If the kids wanted to see their grandparents more, they would ask. Not a problem to me, and if my ILs whined, I would tell them to go talk to the son they raised.

Their your kids? Aren’t they your DH’s kids also? If you control everyone’s access to “ your” kids then you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

You tell them “As much as I try, there’s no possible way to make life 100% even. The regular comments about how we’re disappointing you make it harder. For example you still mention that my mom saw Larlo a mere 3 hours earlier than you. I’m just not sure how to make this better.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my rant. Tell your damn husband to take your kids to visit his parents more. Problem solved. Not rocket science.

NP. I don’t want my husband to take my kids to see his parents more, but of course if he actively wanted to, I wouldn’t stand in his way. Not my business, really. If the kids wanted to see their grandparents more, they would ask. Not a problem to me, and if my ILs whined, I would tell them to go talk to the son they raised.

Their your kids? Aren’t they your DH’s kids also? If you control everyone’s access to “ your” kids then you are the problem.

Nope, family has access to my kids, through their son or daughter. My parents make plans with me. DH is welcome to make plans with his parents; if they are dissatisfied with the amount of time he facilitates, they can take it up with him. I will not be using my time or mental energy to deal with his family. He is most welcome to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can definitely see how this is annoying, but I'm not with you on the waiting a month to see a newborn first grandchild. They should be told of the impending birth when labor starts, just like your mom. Then they can get there as quickly as possible with a little help for logistics from your husband and meet the baby at the first feasible opportunity. Denying them access while your mother stays and helps 24-7 is just cruel.

Plus, you just never know what help you will need. I had a very colicky baby, and even though my mom and mil are both bat-sh*t crazy, they we both there with me, taking 15 minute shifts walking around with a screaming baby all night.

To those new moms, it takes a village.

Agree that no one should have to wait a month to meet a grand baby. Even if you don't want them staying at first, a month is not reasonable.

Many people wait much longer than a month to see their grandchild, and somehow they survive.

Let's not hijack the thread with this topic. OP isn't talking about the initial baby visit.

I think the husband is a workaholic because he doesn't want to or can't deal with all of this. You won't solve the in law problem until you solve the husband problem.

It’s not OP’s “problem” to “solve.” If DH wants to see the parents and take his kids, or make arrangements for his parents to visit when he can actively host, he can do so. It’s a problem for OP’s ILs, not for OP. If they want to solve it, they can pick up the phone and call the son they raised.

OP does have a problem if this issue causes her to come here to rant. She's not dealing with this problem very well, apparently.

…that’s why she labeled it as a “rant,” Love. See how that works? Someone ELSE called it a problem, and that’s why I used quotation marks when responding to that other person. I hope you are all caught up now.

To spend the time to type that out, all those words and paragraphs, and then pretend like its not a problem? Ok. OP would be better off just going for a walk to cope with hee “problems”. Get it?

Here you are on a different day on page 6. If the rant was so long, why did you read it? If this thread is so beneath you, why are you here?

Get it?

[Anonymous]

OP is well within her rights. But these posts are always interesting to contrast with:

1. My in laws favor their daughter’s children over my own.

2. Inheritance threads where there is an unequal split of assets.

Relationships are messy. Like I said, OP is well within her rights, but then her in laws are free to do whatever they want, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can definitely see how this is annoying, but I'm not with you on the waiting a month to see a newborn first grandchild. They should be told of the impending birth when labor starts, just like your mom. Then they can get there as quickly as possible with a little help for logistics from your husband and meet the baby at the first feasible opportunity. Denying them access while your mother stays and helps 24-7 is just cruel.

Plus, you just never know what help you will need. I had a very colicky baby, and even though my mom and mil are both bat-sh*t crazy, they we both there with me, taking 15 minute shifts walking around with a screaming baby all night.

To those new moms, it takes a village.

Agree that no one should have to wait a month to meet a grand baby. Even if you don't want them staying at first, a month is not reasonable.

Many people wait much longer than a month to see their grandchild, and somehow they survive.

But they shouldn't have to. How many threads on DCUM have women wailing about how they are alone "with no family support" in the area?

[Anonymous]

Gee, I wonder why there is so much divorce. There are some seriously warped ideas about what it means to be a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my rant. Tell your damn husband to take your kids to visit his parents more. Problem solved. Not rocket science.

NP. I don’t want my husband to take my kids to see his parents more, but of course if he actively wanted to, I wouldn’t stand in his way. Not my business, really. If the kids wanted to see their grandparents more, they would ask. Not a problem to me, and if my ILs whined, I would tell them to go talk to the son they raised.

Their your kids? Aren’t they your DH’s kids also? If you control everyone’s access to “ your” kids then you are the problem.

Nope, family has access to my kids, through their son or daughter. My parents make plans with me. DH is welcome to make plans with his parents; if they are dissatisfied with the amount of time he facilitates, they can take it up with him. I will not be using my time or mental energy to deal with his family. He is most welcome to.

That’s exactly what I suggested you do above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gee, I wonder why there is so much divorce. There are some seriously warped ideas about what it means to be a family.

Yeah, some men fully check out, using work as an excuse, and their parents blame their wives! You are right; so warped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, I wonder why there is so much divorce. There are some seriously warped ideas about what it means to be a family.

Yeah, some men fully check out, using work as an excuse, and their parents blame their wives! You are right; so warped.

+1. Often their father did the same thing. Break the cycle!