The friend you have with the most kids, what is that person like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

Right? WTF?

PP didn’t phrase it well, but it’s because religious fundamentalism severely limits the options and capacity of girls in those communities. The parents choose the lifestyle, but the kids born into it don’t and are trapped by authoritarian brainwashing, intentional curtailing of critical thinking, and inadequate education. Then they start having continuous pregnancies starting in their teens or early 20s and have no escape, even if they want it.

All kids are “brainwashed” by their families, and I certainly don’t think that the current level of critical thinking on display in our society is anything to write home about, and I don’t know anyone in their right mind who still believes our public education system is adequate.

If the kids grow up happy it sounds like these families are doing something right, quite frankly.

Religious fundamentalism is a cult. It’s about control and power. Apples and oranges to public education and regular society.

[Anonymous]

I have zero kids, but an old school friend of mine has either 10 or 11 kids. It doesn't bother me one bit. Good luck to him I say. He and his wife seem happy enough so why should I judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

Right? WTF?

PP didn’t phrase it well, but it’s because religious fundamentalism severely limits the options and capacity of girls in those communities. The parents choose the lifestyle, but the kids born into it don’t and are trapped by authoritarian brainwashing, intentional curtailing of critical thinking, and inadequate education. Then they start having continuous pregnancies starting in their teens or early 20s and have no escape, even if they want it.

All kids are “brainwashed” by their families, and I certainly don’t think that the current level of critical thinking on display in our society is anything to write home about, and I don’t know anyone in their right mind who still believes our public education system is adequate.

If the kids grow up happy it sounds like these families are doing something right, quite frankly.

Religious fundamentalism is a cult. It’s about control and power. Apples and oranges to public education and regular society.

Who hurt you as a child?

[Anonymous]

One of my son's friends is from a family of six. His mom is the kindest person. She does a lot of volunteer work and has the nicest kids. I am amazed by her energy and patience.

[Anonymous]

The only family I know well enough to comment on has 4. Dad works reasonable hours and seems involved and the mom works part time on the school calendar. The kids all do tons of activities and I believe they get help from one local grandmother with driving around. We car pool occasionally and have never felt taken advantage of. It seems more chaotic than I would personally want but they are a happy nice family.

I grew up in a family of 5 and it was craziness. My parents had no help and not enough money. I knew I wanted something different for myself. I personally think 3/4 is probably the limit you can have a modern family experience without extra help from family or nannies or something. And even then it takes a specific kind of person and some sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All rich but with a lot of local family that’s much more MC or LMC. Local family is constsntly taking some subset of the kids and managing things at home, and various relatives move in with them when they have new babies or the toddlers are young.

Their actual adult:child ratio is way lower than my 2-parent, only child family, so when they make it look easy it’s because in some ways it is easier.

I only have 2 kids but we both work full time and grandparents help out a lot, like with school carpools and taking my child with adhd to his various therapies after school while dh and I work. This isn’t a 2 child vs 3-4 thing, it’s a working parent vs non working parent thing.

[Anonymous]

My dearest friend has five bio, and one added as teenager (kind of a guardianship situation). I would say she is extremely generous, hardworking, patient, and truly takes joy in raising kids. She is the "always room for one more" type of person and often feeds extra kids who are wandering through on playdates etc. I admire her so much and it makes me a little sad to see all the judgment here for people who have large families. I will also add, zero family support and she does work part time.

[Anonymous]

Lots of families with 4 kids around us. Both parents work in most of the families. All tend to be very family oriented and volunteer a lot in the neighborhood/schools.

[Anonymous]

They honestly seemed pretty normal. I remember my friend with 7 siblings commenting about not having much money but it wasn’t blatant. More like oh I have to look at state schools and consider scholarships bc there are so many of us.

[Anonymous]

Friend who has six kids (16-28). Nice, productive kids! Mom is a teacher, Dad a flexible job and very organized. The Mom’s mom is around to help with morning. They seem happy.

I’m from six and have two, so love the big family vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the friend in your life who has the most kids like? How many kids do they have?

hot mess, life revolves only around kids. You fit in to help them out in their world.

[Anonymous]

I know a rich family that has 5. Hired help, private schools. Parents focus on their adult interests, nannies raise the kids more or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't actually have close friends with more than 2 kids. I have 2 kids as well.

My mother is the youngest of a family of 7. My husband's grandfather had 14 kids. For us large families belong squarely in the past.

Well la di da

[Anonymous]

I have one friend with four, the fourth is quite a bit younger than the first three. Dad is a surgeon and mom a SAHM. The oldest drives now but she basically spends all afternoon/early evening carting the other kids to activities. Her third is a bit of a handful and I think it’s been a rude awakening in the teenage years. She used to volunteer quite a bit but had to drop out to support kids in activities.

They have housecleaner but my friend does pretty much everything else. I don’t know the husband very well but I will admit I judge a bit - on evenings he’s off work he still doesn’t help with cooking or chauffeuring the kids. Like not at all - if my friend has an evening commitment she will pay college student to pick up kids even tho husband is home. That kind of marriage is not for me but to each their own I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

Three isn’t that many…none of the parents I know with three are like either of your examples.

+1. The parents I know with 3 don’t seem noticeably different from parents of 2.

I do know a family with 6 kids. Mom stays at home and dad has a very flexible job. They are friendly and host neighborhood bbqs occasionally. Parents are mc, both grew up poor are from big families, they are only 34 and are very attractive. They do expect more independence from their kids and self sufficiency at a younger age. Their house is cleaner than you might expect. I have no idea how they do it, I would be overwhelmed but they do come off as fairly relaxed and happy with their family size.