The friend you have with the most kids, what is that person like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fifteen, I think? Six or seven biological, the rest of them adopted. Also a bonus child, now an adult, that wasn't adopted but was a long term foster.

Dad is very high energy, very organized, very religious.

Know three more with eight. All are VERY high energy, will-sleep-when-I'm-dead, religious types. One I would describe as highly organized. Two are... not. The non-organized homeschool; generally bright but special needsy kids who would have an awful time in the local public. Organized one in this group homeschooled the younger ones but sends the older to a local charter school.

The moms in all of these families do part time work, full time when the husbands are laid off.

Do you live in Utah?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. I know several moms with 4 kids. They stay home with help with a high earning spouse. Another is a patient SAHM with no help.

[Anonymous]

I’m really surprised by the people saying they don’t know any with 3 or only have one set of friends with 3. We live right in the middle of the DMV (Capitol Hill) and lots of families at our school have 3 (I can think of 20 easily); offhand I can think of 3 current/recent families with 4 kids & 1 blended family with 5. All of these bar a handful are typical UMC CH families… Of the 3 with 4, 1 is religious & only some of the kids are theirs genetically; 1 is an academic JD/government PhD family; and 1 is 2 professionals (communications & tech). Only the religious families is out of the norm for the area in any other respect and they’re nice people who are heavily involved in the secular community too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

[Anonymous]

She has three under five! She’s a SAHM. Also very religious and conservative. Always wanted to be a wife and mom. Has a teaching degree and plans to homeschool her kids. Sweet and a little simple-minded. She’s from a blue-collar background while her husband is from an extremely wealthy family and earns six figures. They live in a huge house with a pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have six (blended family) and I don't know anyone who has more than three. Dh and I both work from home, we have a dog, we have a pretty orderly, scheduled life, and we consider it a great day if only one kid cried.

Are all six living with you?

[Anonymous]

My family is Catholic and I was raised in Utah, so I know a LOT of families with 4+ kids. They're as happy as the marriages at the core of the family allow them to be. Most have a SAHM and other family nearby, so there's a support system. I think the support system is key. I would have loved to have more than two, but with no family nearby it sounded impossible.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with 7. She is uber-Catholic. I adore her in many capacities, but I do not discuss her child bearing decisions or her religion. I do not agree with either. But she's lots of fun, has incredible energy and isn't preachy or trying to convert me. Her kids are good kids too, at least so far. So if anyone was going to have 7 kids, I'm glad it's her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

Right? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the friend in your life who has the most kids like? How many kids do they have?

She is chill, got married early, had four kids, got an associate degree, works part time. Often lets her parents and older kids take care of the younger ones. Takes good care of herself, dresses well.

Another one with similar number of kids looks stresses and stretched, had masters but stayed home, now a substitute in her youngest's school, older three gone to college.

[Anonymous]

*first one's DH has a chill job with no travel so more helpful while other's husband has a stressful job with lot of travel so can't be very helpful

[Anonymous]

I know a few with 4....the one that I know best said she needed to have several kids because she knows she's an anxious person and couldn't have all her anxiety just focused on one kid / their problems. Her kids always look incredibly put together (the oldest is 6) and she has no help. She used to have help but didn't want to give up control of things (what was packed for lunch etc) so it drove her crazy.

I assuming she does coke or something similar to survive on so little sleep so well (I'm joking...but I definitely couldn't do it. My 3 (with help) stretch me very thin)

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone with 4 kids. I know a few with 3 but I don't feel like that's super unusual. Maybe the only thing they have in common is they got married relatively young? I don't know anyone that had 3 kids after 35 but know plenty that infertility took away those choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

Right? WTF?

PP didn’t phrase it well, but it’s because religious fundamentalism severely limits the options and capacity of girls in those communities. The parents choose the lifestyle, but the kids born into it don’t and are trapped by authoritarian brainwashing, intentional curtailing of critical thinking, and inadequate education. Then they start having continuous pregnancies starting in their teens or early 20s and have no escape, even if they want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

Right? WTF?

PP didn’t phrase it well, but it’s because religious fundamentalism severely limits the options and capacity of girls in those communities. The parents choose the lifestyle, but the kids born into it don’t and are trapped by authoritarian brainwashing, intentional curtailing of critical thinking, and inadequate education. Then they start having continuous pregnancies starting in their teens or early 20s and have no escape, even if they want it.

All kids are “brainwashed” by their families, and I certainly don’t think that the current level of critical thinking on display in our society is anything to write home about, and I don’t know anyone in their right mind who still believes our public education system is adequate.

If the kids grow up happy it sounds like these families are doing something right, quite frankly.