The friend you have with the most kids, what is that person like?

[Anonymous]

I know many families with 8+ kids, and even some with 12 or 13 kids.
The kids in bigger families (that I know, at least) tend to be very responsible, and somewhat competitive. The parents are usually very organized, and in general the dads are more "hands on" than in families with fewer children (that I know.) Typically both parents are very involved with leading scout troops, coaching youth sports, volunteering at activity fundraisers, etc.

[Anonymous]

All rich but with a lot of local family that’s much more MC or LMC. Local family is constsntly taking some subset of the kids and managing things at home, and various relatives move in with them when they have new babies or the toddlers are young.

Their actual adult:child ratio is way lower than my 2-parent, only child family, so when they make it look easy it’s because in some ways it is easier.

[Anonymous]

A couple I was friends with from high school have six. It's not super surprising to me. Both of them had issues with their parents and decided to make a clean break. Might as well create your own village if the one you came from burned down.

Come to think of it, another girl I grew up with has six. Her family went viral for something she posted on social media and now she has a really cultivated online persona. It's weird.

[Anonymous]

A friend has 4, 3 of them really close in age (12, 11, 10) and then the 4th is 7. Her and her husband both work FT, no family or help. They do both WFH which I think helps. She also volunteers for everything at school, he coaches Little League, etc. She is so nice and cheerful and her kids are wonderful. I have no clue how she does it. I have 1 10 year old and sometimes struggle.

[Anonymous]

Three children may be less common in the DMV area (definitely seems like 1-2 is the norm), but three is not a lot.
I know a family with 7; very religious, homeschool. What I see with really big families is a lot of efficiency, organization, and well-behaved kids. I don't think the parents seem that happy though; lots of $$ struggles coupled with time constraints. But the kids seem happy!

[Anonymous]

I have one friend with four close in age. She is loving, warm, patient, educated. She stays home, and has cleaning help once a week.

[Anonymous]

I have one good friend from college who has four kids. They are incredibly wealthy but they’ve reached levels in their careers where they have some flexibility. She has 4 bright neurotypical children who are all easy/well-behaved, full time help, a very hands on spouse and very helpful parents who drive an hour to come help multiple times a week. She cooks healthy meals and coaches two kids’ teams. The one area where I would say she falls short is that all of her bandwidth is focused inward on her family. So if you want to see her for dinner, you need to go to her house or meet her near her. Her younger siblings are close with her and she’s very involved with her nieces and nephews, but the expectation is they all come to her, she never goes to them. She’s not likely to make it to anyone else’s parties or celebrations because she always has a commitment for one of her kids.

[Anonymous]

2 kids is the most in my circle. Most have 1 kid. The ones with 2 kids have a ton of grandparents help on weekdays and/or weekends. The interesting thing is they also have more flexible and non-stressful jobs.

[Anonymous]

I come from a very large family, and a few of my cousins continued the Catholic tradition. One has eight kids. Her husband owns and operates a successful ag business. They have money, and go to Catholic school. Their kids do go to college, but mostly to find a husband, get married and start having kids in their early 20s. They are very much like Mormon mommy bloggers. They keep up with trends, fashion, images, etc. They are crazy about being pro-life. Each kid comes to DC for the March for Life rallies during their teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know many families with 8+ kids, and even some with 12 or 13 kids.
The kids in bigger families (that I know, at least) tend to be very responsible, and somewhat competitive. The parents are usually very organized, and in general the dads are more "hands on" than in families with fewer children (that I know.) Typically both parents are very involved with leading scout troops, coaching youth sports, volunteering at activity fundraisers, etc.

You know "many" families with 8+ kids? What kind of a community?

[Anonymous]

Have a friend with 12 kids, spread out over 24-25 years. The oldest 2 or 3 are married, a few more are out of the house, and the youngest is 4. She is a nice person, friendly, patient, and easygoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know many families with 8+ kids, and even some with 12 or 13 kids.
The kids in bigger families (that I know, at least) tend to be very responsible, and somewhat competitive. The parents are usually very organized, and in general the dads are more "hands on" than in families with fewer children (that I know.) Typically both parents are very involved with leading scout troops, coaching youth sports, volunteering at activity fundraisers, etc.

You know "many" families with 8+ kids? What kind of a community?

Catholic

[Anonymous]

She’s very laid back and has a high tolerance for chaos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

Weird. We have 3 and find three to be a fairly common number of kids in our area (though definitely less common than 2). In our case, it is because #2 ended up being twins (lol). For many friends, they were on the fence and ended up with an unplanned #3. Others just wanted 3. UMC suburban neighborhood & most do not have tons of hired help or do the things you describe. Weird.

Same with us. A lot of judgement and negativity here. Seems like another thread that was created for the purpose of judging other people (with the goal of feeling better about your choices?). I guess what the vast majority of parents of 1 and 2 commenting have in common is that they are judgmental and have a strong need to feel superior…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

Weird. We have 3 and find three to be a fairly common number of kids in our area (though definitely less common than 2). In our case, it is because #2 ended up being twins (lol). For many friends, they were on the fence and ended up with an unplanned #3. Others just wanted 3. UMC suburban neighborhood & most do not have tons of hired help or do the things you describe. Weird.

Same with us. A lot of judgement and negativity here. Seems like another thread that was created for the purpose of judging other people (with the goal of feeling better about your choices?). I guess what the vast majority of parents of 1 and 2 commenting have in common is that they are judgmental and have a strong need to feel superior…

I have two and also disagree with many of these posts. My friends with three are happy, mostly chill, and generally say three is a lot but I can tell it works for them. It looks happy and fun to me, even if it isn't hte right path for me. And I wouldn't say they have more help than my other friends. In my experience, number of kids is so personality based and the experience in your family of origin. Also some people really are more zen!! We dont' all have the same window of tolerance, mental health, and caregiving abilities. I generally think my friends with three have a little higher tolerance for chaos, are generally chill people, and sometimes (but definitely not always) have generally easier kiddos (vs tough colicky infants and one neurodivergent kid in my case).