The friend you have with the most kids, what is that person like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with 7. She is uber-Catholic. I adore her in many capacities, but I do not discuss her child bearing decisions or her religion. I do not agree with either. But she's lots of fun, has incredible energy and isn't preachy or trying to convert me. Her kids are good kids too, at least so far. So if anyone was going to have 7 kids, I'm glad it's her.

You don’t sound like much of a friend.

[Anonymous]

I have one friend with 3 kids. Most other just have 1 (like me) or 2.

The friend with 3 kids is Christian and a homeschooler. I've known a lot of Christians and a lot of homeschoolers and she's, by far, the coolest of them all IME. A former high-level college athlete. Seems scattered at times, but incredibly industrious, kind, and generous. A SAHM now but former marketing professional. Her spouse is a highly paid engineer; shy but seems an awesome dad and spouse and overall I think they are well matched & balanced. They bought and run a hobby farm on the side. She puts some people off because she is very straightforward, but I enjoy her and she's never said a cruel word about anyone to my knowledge. She's very social, hosts events for everyone, non judgmental, and just overall a good person and parent.

[Anonymous]

The families I know with 4+ kids are usually religious, blended families, very rich or poor. MC/UMC usually have 2-3 kids.

I know one friend who has 4 boys. She wanted to have a girl so she kept trying. I wonder if she will go for a fifth child.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My stepsister had four. After meeting her DH, who (at least for awhile) fancied himself "the prophet of armageddon," she became super religious. It eventually settled down into an extreme form of MAGA non-denominational Christianity. My step sister never worked after meeting this guy, and the cycle continues -- her two oldest daughters were married and had kids while still in their teens. The oldest had her wedding 3 weeks after high school graduation, and she now has two kids and stays at home doing things like baking her own bread. There are all kinds of extreme ideas about gender -- lots of women cook, clean, and sew nonsense. There has been a lot of WIC involved thanks to lack of education and the women not working. The kids were home-schooled until high school (and the thought of my step sister being in charge of teaching anything is a little scary), and the girls were not expected to go to college at all (you don't need it, you only need to know how to cook a pot roast and knit baby clothes!). I'm hoping the two younger kids will break the cycle, but doesn't seem likely at this point -- their form of "Christianity" is pretty controlling.

All of that said, they all seem pretty happy. Wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

Why do you wish they weren't happy?

Right? WTF?

PP didn’t phrase it well, but it’s because religious fundamentalism severely limits the options and capacity of girls in those communities. The parents choose the lifestyle, but the kids born into it don’t and are trapped by authoritarian brainwashing, intentional curtailing of critical thinking, and inadequate education. Then they start having continuous pregnancies starting in their teens or early 20s and have no escape, even if they want it.

All kids are “brainwashed” by their families, and I certainly don’t think that the current level of critical thinking on display in our society is anything to write home about, and I don’t know anyone in their right mind who still believes our public education system is adequate.

If the kids grow up happy it sounds like these families are doing something right, quite frankly.

Religious fundamentalism is a cult. It’s about control and power. Apples and oranges to public education and regular society.

Who hurt you as a child?

Religious fundamentalists!

(Obviously.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend from college has 5. She’s a dentist, her husband is a teacher. She’s the most generous, kind hearted individual you’ll ever meet. Would literally give you the shirt off her back. Is so amazingly loving and patient with her kids. And they’re all great (oldest 2nd year in college, youngest 10). I have no clue ow she does it!

My friend is like this. She has 4 kids including a child with a chronic and likely life shiortening hesrt condition. Oh, and the kids are all 1 year apart, including a set of twins. She didn’t work after having the kids though. She is beautiful and super fit too. You want to hate her but you just can’t.

[Anonymous]

Most of the families we know from school have two.

The few who have more are SAHM's with very very wealthy husbands and they have multiple help (housekeeper and nanny). In fact, most of the 2-kid families we know have either a housekeeper, a nanny or a live-in who does both.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. Of the 3 families I know with 3 kids, 2 are absolute messes. Like, I have known the parents from well before we all had kids, and they are so stressful to be around that our friendships have suffered/no longer exist. I genuinely cannot believe that they are successfully raising 3 kids - in my own experience and observing others we are close to, kids don't magically solve your problems. They shed a light on things that were problems before. (Along with bringing great joy to all of us.) The families live across the country or I would actually make an effort to check in on the kids and help out more.

The third family was laid back before marriage and kids, well organized, etc, and I am happy that they have a third - all 3 kids have a happy home life.

[Anonymous]

One friend has 7; all she ever wanted to do, even before she married, was be a mom. They are barely middle class because of one income and all the kids, but they make it work.

Her parents were wealthier evangelicals, and helped them out off and on. She has grown out of being conservative, after what has happened the last few years. Very intelligent person who was raised to do one thing by her parents and who also felt that was her calling. Not sure what wil happen once her last kid leaves the nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're at a catholic school where 3-4 is normal. The ones with a SAHM seem fine. Really involved, hands on parents who volunteer a lot at school. The ones with 2 working parents seem more stressed. There are a few families with more than 4. They all have SAHMs, and to be honest, all seem fine as well. Those moms have a zen about them for some reason.

We have four kids and switched from public school to Catholic school a couple of years ago. It was funny how 4 kids went from a big family to pretty normal.

To answer the thread question, I know a few people with 7+ kids, and 3 with 10 kids. They are all pretty different people.
I would say that the people I know who are the most stressed have either 1 child or 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

I know a bunch with four. All SAHMs, highly educated, Uber uber wealthy, lots of help and run families like clockwork. Kids all end up at best of everything with very diverse interests. It’s fascinating. It’s moms who went to Yale/Stanford/Harvard with the $$$ to back up everything have turned their drive/focus from being a student to being a mom. I wish I was one of their kiddos. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

A college friend has 4 kids: bubbly, happy, very nice personality, hands on and organized, extrovert. She’s really a warm and wonderful person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a bunch with four. All SAHMs, highly educated, Uber uber wealthy, lots of help and run families like clockwork. Kids all end up at best of everything with very diverse interests. It’s fascinating. It’s moms who went to Yale/Stanford/Harvard with the $$$ to back up everything have turned their drive/focus from being a student to being a mom. I wish I was one of their kiddos. Seriously.

I have so many questions for you about them! Would you consider starting an AMA??

But just to start, what are some of the things the kids are good at? And where does their money come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a bunch with four. All SAHMs, highly educated, Uber uber wealthy, lots of help and run families like clockwork. Kids all end up at best of everything with very diverse interests. It’s fascinating. It’s moms who went to Yale/Stanford/Harvard with the $$$ to back up everything have turned their drive/focus from being a student to being a mom. I wish I was one of their kiddos. Seriously.

I have so many questions for you about them! Would you consider starting an AMA??

But just to start, what are some of the things the kids are good at? And where does their money come from?

I only have 3 but overall similar situation. A can answer Qs and am braced for this to turn into an attack. I think the OP meant “with best of everything” (not the best at it). My kids are fairly young and definitely aren’t currently the best at anything but I can see how it happens. They can explore any interest at any level of classes / coaching etc. Lots of peer parents default to private lessons for everything (6yos taking private tennis lessons and painting lessons and fencing lessons..it’s a bit crazy to me. We don’t do anything private beyond swim bc I want my kids to learn the social skills of groups). Money came from a startup was at from founding IPOing (pre kids) and DHs career (hedge fund)

We aren’t like gossip girl rich but are like could retire today and still pay for everything we want in life (which doesn’t include private jets and multiple houses but does include paying for all kids college and grad schools and lots of travel) rich. Don’t know if you mean the higher levels than us rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a bunch with four. All SAHMs, highly educated, Uber uber wealthy, lots of help and run families like clockwork. Kids all end up at best of everything with very diverse interests. It’s fascinating. It’s moms who went to Yale/Stanford/Harvard with the $$$ to back up everything have turned their drive/focus from being a student to being a mom. I wish I was one of their kiddos. Seriously.

I have so many questions for you about them! Would you consider starting an AMA??

But just to start, what are some of the things the kids are good at? And where does their money come from?

I only have 3 but overall similar situation. A can answer Qs and am braced for this to turn into an attack. I think the OP meant “with best of everything” (not the best at it). My kids are fairly young and definitely aren’t currently the best at anything but I can see how it happens. They can explore any interest at any level of classes / coaching etc. Lots of peer parents default to private lessons for everything (6yos taking private tennis lessons and painting lessons and fencing lessons..it’s a bit crazy to me. We don’t do anything private beyond swim bc I want my kids to learn the social skills of groups). Money came from a startup was at from founding IPOing (pre kids) and DHs career (hedge fund)

We aren’t like gossip girl rich but are like could retire today and still pay for everything we want in life (which doesn’t include private jets and multiple houses but does include paying for all kids college and grad schools and lots of travel) rich. Don’t know if you mean the higher levels than us rich.

Sorry for typos - I meant I was at a startup from founding to IPO…

[Anonymous]

^ wealthy PP, how old were you when you had kids? Just wondering why you didn’t have one more?