Found a hotel notepad from a hotel we've never stayed at

[Anonymous]

So many of you are so damned insecure in your marriages. Really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF? Who are you people afraid to ask your spouse a question?

My first response--would have been to say 'hey-where did you get that notepad?'--not walk away and try to sleuth it out later.

I think OP is a troll.

Amen to the bold!

The bold is something I've started to wonder on almost every marriage-related thread here, PP. So, so many OPs who come here before they ever ASK their spouses about anything. I get not doing so if you have a fear of an abusive response, or if you're weighing what to do after repeated problematic incidents, etc. But I do not get this repeated trend of people who sit silently, observe things they think are suspicious or wrong, and say and do...nothing, except run to strangers for a read on it.

None of the reasons you listed are reasons why people are telling her to lay low and just observe for now, nor are they saying to never do anything. The point is to keep your eyes and ears open because saying anything on so little of a clue now will drive whatever it is - if it is anything at all - even deeper underground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF? Who are you people afraid to ask your spouse a question?

My first response--would have been to say 'hey-where did you get that notepad?'--not walk away and try to sleuth it out later.

I think OP is a troll.

Amen to the bold!

The bold is something I've started to wonder on almost every marriage-related thread here, PP. So, so many OPs who come here before they ever ASK their spouses about anything. I get not doing so if you have a fear of an abusive response, or if you're weighing what to do after repeated problematic incidents, etc. But I do not get this repeated trend of people who sit silently, observe things they think are suspicious or wrong, and say and do...nothing, except run to strangers for a read on it.

None of the reasons you listed are reasons why people are telling her to lay low and just observe for now, nor are they saying to never do anything. The point is to keep your eyes and ears open because saying anything on so little of a clue now will drive whatever it is - if it is anything at all - even deeper underground.

From experience, there is a difference between the random things you ask your partner every day without thinking twice, and the odd thing that catches your attention and chimes the same note as a bunch of little bells you hadn’t (up till that moment) noticed were ringing. Does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better than a Motel 8 notepad. That would be a bit more skanky. Always a silver lining.

Not when it’s coming out of her joint savings. I’d prefer he take the skank to Motel 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, Fairmont is not that high end of a hotel. Depending on the location, it is very average. If your husband travels a lot for work, he could very easily have gone there whether to spend the night or for a meeting.

Second, you either trust your husband or you don’t. I recently found a strange woman’s underwear in the laundry. I asked DH about it. He just looked confused about the question. I showed him and he shrugged. Then he asked our teen who looked equally puzzled. Then our other son said he found it on the side of the bed at a hotel and put it in the laundry bag thinking it was mine (mom’s). Mystery solved.

Omg. U buy that? Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, Fairmont is not that high end of a hotel. Depending on the location, it is very average. If your husband travels a lot for work, he could very easily have gone there whether to spend the night or for a meeting.

Second, you either trust your husband or you don’t. I recently found a strange woman’s underwear in the laundry. I asked DH about it. He just looked confused about the question. I showed him and he shrugged. Then he asked our teen who looked equally puzzled. Then our other son said he found it on the side of the bed at a hotel and put it in the laundry bag thinking it was mine (mom’s). Mystery solved.

Omg. U buy that? Ha!

Seriously! When have you ever stayed in a hotel where a random pair of woman’s underwear was out on the dude if the bed ???? I’m 53 and travel extensively and never have had someone else’s clothing out —much less underwear on the side of the bed. I freak out if a pube is in the tub or toilet on check in. I’ve yet to find underwear, and the kid found it in the middle of a stay??? Very fishy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, Fairmont is not that high end of a hotel. Depending on the location, it is very average. If your husband travels a lot for work, he could very easily have gone there whether to spend the night or for a meeting.

Second, you either trust your husband or you don’t. I recently found a strange woman’s underwear in the laundry. I asked DH about it. He just looked confused about the question. I showed him and he shrugged. Then he asked our teen who looked equally puzzled. Then our other son said he found it on the side of the bed at a hotel and put it in the laundry bag thinking it was mine (mom’s). Mystery solved.

Yeah, but it felt innocuous to you in part because it *was* innocuous (I mean, there’s a chance you could have been wrong and he was having an affair and lied,and got your son to cover it up, but something about your knowledge of each of them makes that seem unlikely, right?). Whereas when your spouse IS cheating, the discovery of underwear or even something less blatant might feel really different and jarring, because on some level you’ve noticed other things wrong or his reaction gives away to you, the longtime partner who knows him well, that he’s hiding something.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’ve looked everywhere for this notepad and can’t find it. It’s gone.

I’m not gonna ask him about it without it so just taking a mental note I guess. Thanks for those responded.

For those asking, I would normally ask him as soon as I saw it but he was on a call so I was in and out. I came back to look it for it when he was finished so I could casually bring it up but it was gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only strange thing is that the notepad disappeared after the first time you saw it.

Agreed. He saw OP looking at it and panicked. I would ask him OP.

THIS.

My spouse travels for work often.

Also, he always tells me about the hotels he stays in because they are lit. I've even tagged along a few times. He's stayed in Fairmonts, Four Seasons, Intercontinental, etc. for conferences because they are the host hotels. The sponsoring company always gets a block of rooms and he gets one.

Also, any of his coworkers who travel with him know if there is anything to be known or not.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe someone would be that cheap that they couldn’t pass on the free paper from their liaison. I think I would divorce them for their cheapness more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better than a Motel 8 notepad. That would be a bit more skanky. Always a silver lining.

Not when it’s coming out of her joint savings. I’d prefer he take the skank to Motel 6.

No because bed bugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ve looked everywhere for this notepad and can’t find it. It’s gone.

I’m not gonna ask him about it without it so just taking a mental note I guess. Thanks for those responded.

For those asking, I would normally ask him as soon as I saw it but he was on a call so I was in and out. I came back to look it for it when he was finished so I could casually bring it up but it was gone.

I think this is smart OP as the notepad disappeared and you don’t have it as proof .

I do find it extremely odd that it disappeared and that makes me feel he is up to something but again it’s all speculation.

Use protection and keep your eyes and ears open. If it were me, I’d be suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only strange thing is that the notepad disappeared after the first time you saw it.

Agreed. He saw OP looking at it and panicked. I would ask him OP.

THIS.

My spouse travels for work often.

Also, he always tells me about the hotels he stays in because they are lit. I've even tagged along a few times. He's stayed in Fairmonts, Four Seasons, Intercontinental, etc. for conferences because they are the host hotels. The sponsoring company always gets a block of rooms and he gets one.

Also, any of his coworkers who travel with him know if there is anything to be known or not.

Some men just don’t think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes my co workers get a note pad and then leave it in the office supply room, and others may take it home.

Don't over react, just be observant. NEVER confront until you are SURE.

Actually, this should read never confront until you are sure AND you’ve had a chance to get financially organized.

[Anonymous]

My husband scoops up notepads where ever he can. Hotels, banks… you name it. He’s always scribbling down stuff at home and is happy to get the pads free. Every hotel meeting room lays out the notepads so why not take them?