Found a hotel notepad from a hotel we've never stayed at

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is zero chance he grabbed a notepad from the hotel he has hot sex with his mistress. They would be way too busy and tired.

Right?? What is he taking notes about?

Yeah, that tracks. He's not going to race out of the room, and think, oh wait, I have an unrelated-to-the-illicit-sex-I-just-had thought! and grab a note pad.

[Anonymous]

I have pens for everywhere and they don't indicate at all where I've been

[Anonymous]

Why would he bring a notepad home from his tryst den? It makes no sense. There are 50 more rationale reasons for this.

[Anonymous]

The shorter fuse would make me nervous, because people having affairs frequently are more quick to anger (dealing with cognitive dissonance and manufacturing situation to justify their cheating behavior). I would first look at credit card bills and telephone records to see if there are unexplained charges or a pattern of telephone number(s) you do not recognize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is zero chance he grabbed a notepad from the hotel he has hot sex with his mistress. They would be way too busy and tired.

Right?? What is he taking notes about?

Yeah, that tracks. He's not going to race out of the room, and think, oh wait, I have an unrelated-to-the-illicit-sex-I-just-had thought! and grab a note pad.

I think it’s more like he had had a late night with a hookup, work up late, had to take a work call and didn’t have anything else to write on with him. Threw the notepad in his bag/pocket.

[Anonymous]

Don't say anything. Just observe for now.

[Anonymous]

The only strange thing is that the notepad disappeared after the first time you saw it.

[Anonymous]

If I were you I would not mention the notepad at all but I would suggest that you both activate location sharing on your phones. If he bristles at that suggestion I would file it away as more possible evidence of nefarious behavior on his part when he's supposedly at work or traveling.

Location sharing is not just for checking up on someone you are suspicious of, it's also a way to have a better idea of when someone is arriving home or whether it's a good time to text or call them, all without bothering them. If he doesn't want you to be able to do this I would find that suspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He might not have stayed there but went for a meeting in a conf room where everyone got a pen and notepad at their seat. I have those from hotels where I went to a lunch or panel or something.

Me too.

And it’s missing because he wrote something on it, and then took his notes into the office with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

[Anonymous]

My org puts people up at a Fairmont, and lots of other relatively swanky hotels, at the govt per diem rate (or less) all the time. Large companies often have master agreements with hotels for discounted rates, even the "fancy" ones.

[Anonymous]

It could be that I travel for work all the time and have pens and notepads from everywhere, but your level of paranoia over what is likely nothing would be too much for me.

And that you can’t just ask and have all these wives basically telling you to do nothing but be suspicious while it festers and drags down your relationship is insane.

[Anonymous]

I think the notepad disappearing is more of a red flag than its existence is by itself. Because that was either a weird coincidence, or he saw you noticing it and realized his error in that moment.

My husband did have an affair when our kids were 5 and 2. He had a much shorter fuse than normal, like you describe. Three months before our actual DDay I saw a WhatsApp notification from a woman he had never noticed on his lock screen. I don't play games; I didn't go into detective mode. I just said, "Hey, I noticed a Whatsapp from a woman you've never mentioned. Should I feel weird about this?" He tried to avoid lying and said, "Well DO you feel weird about it?" a few times, and I kept saying, "No I'm asking you IF I should feel weird about it," until he finally said, "Oh, um, no" and gave some story about her being part of a group message.

And I guess I shouldn't have let it drop then, but I didn't get married to be a cross-examiner, and if I can't take him at his word, then what is the point? So I accepted it, but my suspicions were definitely up. So three months later when she Facetimed while he was in the shower, I did spend five minutes telling him I didn't believe she had butt dialed someone she didn't have on her recent call log, and then he confessed to the affair. I guess I could have cut out the three intervening months if I'd done more in the beginning, but hindsight is 20/20, and I am glad that I stayed true to myself throughout.

Good luck, OP. I hope it's nothing. But whether it is or it isn't, why not just ask? If he lies, then a) that's a symptom of a bigger issue and b) you'll figure out the truth sooner or later. I don't see what you have to lose by asking. What's the point in being married if you can't ask a simple question and expect an honest answer.

[Anonymous]

That should be "a woman he had never mentioned," not noticed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Walked into my husband's office to get something while he was on a call and noticed a hotel notepad from the Fairmont on his desk. We've never stayed there before and it's way too fancy of a hotel (I think) for work to have put him up there...he typically stays at Hiltons or Marriots when he travels for work. I came back in to his office to look at it again and see if there was any city on it (Fairmont DC or whatever) but it's gone. Not in any drawer or in his bag but all his other notepads and stuff are there.

I don't want to blow anything up over something as trivial as this but what should I do? I was hoping it was still there so I could casually say "Oh we've never stayed here before, when did you go here?" but now that it's not there does it seem accusatory if I bring up something from this morning?

For context, I work from home but he goes in to the office a few times a week and travels for work maybe once or twice a month for about 2 nights. Our marriage has been great though I've been noticing he's more on edge and has a shorter fuse but we just had our second so I've chalked it up to being tired and in full parent mode (very little time to ourselves, etc.). I've tried to initiate date night here and there but we're so tired come night time (he more so than I).

Jesus. He travels twice a month for work, and you *think* he stays in certain hotels but you don’t actually know? He probably stayed there at one point, or attended a meeting there like other PPs said.