Found a hotel notepad from a hotel we've never stayed at

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

The even cheaper ones just use her house and don’t have to pay for any hotel.

So wait, narcissist men affair/hookup below their league? And who exactly affair/hooks up above their league?

Men who affair up married the plain wife at an early age before they became successful. Now they’re successful and more confident and want to shoot for the upgrade. Especially if they’re in the Middle Aged “you only live once so shoot your shot” mindset

I don’t even think it is marrying up or down. Wives age. DH always tells me that I aged well.

I have friends whose husbands cheated on them and you really can’t get better than these women. The one woman I am thinking of is tall, beautiful, kind and smart. Her soon to be ex husband just likes to party. They have three young children. I don’t think he should ever have gotten married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those asking why her DH might take the hotel notepad if he was with the AP -- he travels for work. I doubt he has to book a room for a one hour fling in their city. That's not what I would be thinking anyway.

It's possible that his AP was staying at the Fairmont, and instead of staying at his own hotel for his conference (or whatever it was, where a coworker might see him/them), he stayed with AP the whole time. How would OP know? She wouldn't. And yeah, he would very likely do some work in the hotel room and end up taking the notepad home with him.

To me, it's suspicious that after OP saw the notepad on his desk, it disappeared. I'm assuming DH saw OP looking at it -- and then hid it? Yeah, very odd.

Still, this is not enough to confront. I would not mention the notepad again, but these little things (no sex, short fuse, no date nights) might add up some day. I hope not.

So you used: Might, possible, very likely, assuming.

In other words, speculation galore.

You're another person here to fuel OP's suspicions when she still hasn't said that she has any other reasons to suspect OP of cheating. But instead of telling her to be an adult and simply ask about the notepad, you're another amateur detective assuming and hinting your way to the conclusion he's possibly, very likely, might be cheating, even if you don't come out and say so directly.

FFS, OP, if you're even still reading this thread, just ask. "I saw a notepad from the Fairwhatever Hotel on your desk. I didn't know you'd stayed there. Where'd that come from?" But this whole thread, which has derailed into discussions of which hotels people use to cheat etc., has grown ridiculous and off the original topic.

[Anonymous]

This. In case it’s bacterial tonsillitis, might be worth going in. And salt water gargle! Feel better soon.

[Anonymous]

^well that post did not end up where it was supposed to! Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Second, you either trust your husband or you don’t. I recently found a strange woman’s underwear in the laundry. I asked DH about it. He just looked confused about the question. I showed him and he shrugged. Then he asked our teen who looked equally puzzled. Then our other son said he found it on the side of the bed at a hotel and put it in the laundry bag thinking it was mine (mom’s). Mystery solved.

That’s a pretty funny story that could have *really* blown up. Kudos for you for handling it well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Second, you either trust your husband or you don’t. I recently found a strange woman’s underwear in the laundry. I asked DH about it. He just looked confused about the question. I showed him and he shrugged. Then he asked our teen who looked equally puzzled. Then our other son said he found it on the side of the bed at a hotel and put it in the laundry bag thinking it was mine (mom’s). Mystery solved.

That’s a pretty funny story that could have *really* blown up. Kudos for you for handling it well.

I’m so jealous. I still have to tell my kid to pick up his own underwear, no way would he be picking up someone else’s, lol. And also, ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

The even cheaper ones just use her house and don’t have to pay for any hotel.

So wait, narcissist men affair/hookup below their league? And who exactly affair/hooks up above their league?

Men who affair up married the plain wife at an early age before they became successful. Now they’re successful and more confident and want to shoot for the upgrade. Especially if they’re in the Middle Aged “you only live once so shoot your shot” mindset

And those that affair down aren’t looking to leave the wife. They are often just going for variety sex after 20 years with the same person.

Trump and Bezos are examples of men going after women they think are hotter and traded up, not in terms of success but looks. Arnold affaired down, married up.

The Bezos thing, obviously he is the richest of them all, but I work in tech and this is pretty common with nerdy guys who were not rich when they married their first wife in their twenties. One CEO I worked for left his wife for a former model…The ceo before that started seeing some 30 year old when he was 55. She was the best friend of one of the employees at the company he was ceo of.

[Anonymous]

If he travels for work always be on the lookout for an affair and not because of the notepad. That is the easiest way to affair, work is paying for hotel and meals, you are away from home so don’t need an excuse to be out and there is lots of drinking and available people.

[Anonymous]

So what happened OP???

[Anonymous]

Don’t listen to these people. My guy has not gone to any hotel . He flips houses right here in our town . However he has stayed late many times .. 3 different times I’ve found pens from hotels in the town with hotels near us. After first one ppl said I was insecure , crazy after the third one AI predicted there is a .0000001 chance he randomly picked up pens in other places . When I asked to see credit cards statements he declined . Men are stupid ! Deny til they die . Now I don’t care I’m moving on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these people. My guy has not gone to any hotel . He flips houses right here in our town . However he has stayed late many times .. 3 different times I’ve found pens from hotels in the town with hotels near us. After first one ppl said I was insecure , crazy after the third one AI predicted there is a .0000001 chance he randomly picked up pens in other places . When I asked to see credit cards statements he declined . Men are stupid ! Deny til they die . Now I don’t care I’m moving on

…what?

[Anonymous]

Business people meet clients or suppliers in various places. Good hotels have notepads all over...lobby phones, business center tables, even in the bar if you ask
I have often taken one to use for notes and put it in my briefcase and never went above the lobby.
BTW I am a female, married, not a ho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to these people. My guy has not gone to any hotel . He flips houses right here in our town . However he has stayed late many times .. 3 different times I’ve found pens from hotels in the town with hotels near us. After first one ppl said I was insecure , crazy after the third one AI predicted there is a .0000001 chance he randomly picked up pens in other places . When I asked to see credit cards statements he declined . Men are stupid ! Deny til they die . Now I don’t care I’m moving on

It's not the pens that are suspicious. It's the lack of access to cc statements.

Weird pens migrate around. My kids and parents bring odd ones home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is no other reason at all to suspect him, why does this make your mind jump to an affair or one-night stand? Asking seriously. And a shorter fuse is not necessarily "evidence" of suspicious behavior or an affair etc. Is there ANY other reason you're "going there," OP? I can think of many reasons for a random weird hotel notepad to turn up, including that it's many years old for some trip before marriage or a trip you forgot. My DH keeps "useful" bits around for ages, like pens and notepads from hotels.

+1

[Anonymous]

If he had a rendezvous there, he wouldn't bring the notepad home.