Has anyone successfully avoided giving their *high school* kids smart phones?

[Anonymous]

We waited until &th and that was challenging. He was starting to be so socially isolated he was spending his spare time online with people he met online, or watching weird videos online. We got him a iPhone and now he is texting or FaceTiming school friends or making plans to meet up with them.

I think you could do this if you lived in a community of like minded people. But you can’t live like an Amish person in the middle of MoCo.

[Anonymous]

My daughter got her first phone, a Gabb phone, at 8th grade graduation and we signed a two-year contract. We said that she could get a smart phone at the end of that contract (June of sophomore year). Now, in Oct of her sophomore year, she is doing just fine thus far with the Gabb. I am glad that we bought her more time for that frontal lobe to mature and make good decisions and to navigate the transition to high school without its interference. She is a cross-country runner, has a 4.24 GPA, is active in our church community and some other extracurriculars, and has generally been allowed to develop her own interests and sense of self without undue influence from social media or peer pressure.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to socially cripple your kids, good luck.

This is such a weird take. Kids nowadays literally cannot start a conversation with another person or look them in the eyes. They bring their devices out at wildly inappropriate times (11 year old brings an iPad to a friend’s birthday party wtf) and and speak in texting acronyms. I am not worried about my child being left out on TikTok, I am worried about them becoming a socially awkward person who has no idea how to interact with a real live human being.

Hey, I think some kids are on your lawn...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

My fear is the obvious dangers of social media and the internet, but also I don't want my kid stuck behind screens all the time. Also, the more devices the less they have to socialize in person. I can't recreate my childhood, but I'm hoping to give them a little of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got her first phone, a Gabb phone, at 8th grade graduation and we signed a two-year contract. We said that she could get a smart phone at the end of that contract (June of sophomore year). Now, in Oct of her sophomore year, she is doing just fine thus far with the Gabb. I am glad that we bought her more time for that frontal lobe to mature and make good decisions and to navigate the transition to high school without its interference. She is a cross-country runner, has a 4.24 GPA, is active in our church community and some other extracurriculars, and has generally been allowed to develop her own interests and sense of self without undue influence from social media or peer pressure.

You failed to mention she knows how yo make and keep friends her same age. That is a critical skill. You all are setting your kids up for isolation and anxiety. Unless they prefer to be smug like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got her first phone, a Gabb phone, at 8th grade graduation and we signed a two-year contract. We said that she could get a smart phone at the end of that contract (June of sophomore year). Now, in Oct of her sophomore year, she is doing just fine thus far with the Gabb. I am glad that we bought her more time for that frontal lobe to mature and make good decisions and to navigate the transition to high school without its interference. She is a cross-country runner, has a 4.24 GPA, is active in our church community and some other extracurriculars, and has generally been allowed to develop her own interests and sense of self without undue influence from social media or peer pressure.

You failed to mention she knows how yo make and keep friends her same age. That is a critical skill. You all are setting your kids up for isolation and anxiety. Unless they prefer to be smug like you.

Oh, there is plenty of smugness on all sides on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got her first phone, a Gabb phone, at 8th grade graduation and we signed a two-year contract. We said that she could get a smart phone at the end of that contract (June of sophomore year). Now, in Oct of her sophomore year, she is doing just fine thus far with the Gabb. I am glad that we bought her more time for that frontal lobe to mature and make good decisions and to navigate the transition to high school without its interference. She is a cross-country runner, has a 4.24 GPA, is active in our church community and some other extracurriculars, and has generally been allowed to develop her own interests and sense of self without undue influence from social media or peer pressure.

My daughter is a freshman in college. She was a varsity tennis player for 4 years in high school. She graduated with a 4.5 GPA. She held a part-time job from the time she was 16. She socialized with friends, went to Prom, belonged to clubs, read books, went to college out of state, and is well-liked by her peers and teachers. She's had an iphone since 6th grade.

See how anecdotes work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got her first phone, a Gabb phone, at 8th grade graduation and we signed a two-year contract. We said that she could get a smart phone at the end of that contract (June of sophomore year). Now, in Oct of her sophomore year, she is doing just fine thus far with the Gabb. I am glad that we bought her more time for that frontal lobe to mature and make good decisions and to navigate the transition to high school without its interference. She is a cross-country runner, has a 4.24 GPA, is active in our church community and some other extracurriculars, and has generally been allowed to develop her own interests and sense of self without undue influence from social media or peer pressure.

My daughter is a freshman in college. She was a varsity tennis player for 4 years in high school. She graduated with a 4.5 GPA. She held a part-time job from the time she was 16. She socialized with friends, went to Prom, belonged to clubs, read books, went to college out of state, and is well-liked by her peers and teachers. She's had an iphone since 6th grade.

See how anecdotes work?

Except my reply answered the OP’s question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an adult and I don't have a cell phone. It's totally doable, and frankly, I wish more adults were like this. Get your screen stuff done when you're in front of a computer and then go live your life!

If you ever want to go to a game at my kid's high school (like if your kid plays a sport and playing against our school, at our school) the only way for you to get in is buying tickets through the app. Literally, you can not just show up and hand over cash.
From going to my kid's games, it's my impression that many of the schools in this area are like that.
Would you really just tell your kid "Sorry, I won't be watching you play, ever?"

That’s horrible. Why does your school do that? I would definitely advocate for more ticket buying options.

DP and I live outside the DC area. If you show up to our high school or middle school for a theatre or sports event, you must use a phone to buy tickets. Of course you can buy in advance with a computer. My daughter and I went to the middle school play last minute last year, and we needed our phones. Not only that, but the program was only accessible with a QR code! My husband went to watch a game at the high school last year and told me the same thing. This is definitely becoming the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter got her first phone, a Gabb phone, at 8th grade graduation and we signed a two-year contract. We said that she could get a smart phone at the end of that contract (June of sophomore year). Now, in Oct of her sophomore year, she is doing just fine thus far with the Gabb. I am glad that we bought her more time for that frontal lobe to mature and make good decisions and to navigate the transition to high school without its interference. She is a cross-country runner, has a 4.24 GPA, is active in our church community and some other extracurriculars, and has generally been allowed to develop her own interests and sense of self without undue influence from social media or peer pressure.

My daughter is a freshman in college. She was a varsity tennis player for 4 years in high school. She graduated with a 4.5 GPA. She held a part-time job from the time she was 16. She socialized with friends, went to Prom, belonged to clubs, read books, went to college out of state, and is well-liked by her peers and teachers. She's had an iphone since 6th grade.

See how anecdotes work?

Except my reply answered the OP’s question.

Your story reminds me of my friend freshman year in college whose mom "successfully" had her avoiding eating sugar for breakfast. Every time the dining hall had PopTarts, my friend would eat 3 or 4 of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look into getting a Gabb phone. It looks like a cell phone so the kids blend in with the crowd. But no apps, no internet. The phone can take picture/video, do group texts, keep a calendar, calculator and stream music/audio only. $25 per month basic plan.

https://gabb.com/

+1 look at Gabb or Pinwheel. I am also a wait until 8th person and we haven't gotten to high school, but from what I understand it gets pretty hard to not have something. You can start slowly dabbling in the social media as they grow in high school. Apparently some sports teams communicate via social media so it all gets more complicated.

What about the Bark phone?

[Anonymous]

You can program an iPhone to work as a phone and restric any browsers, games apps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how is their self-restraint on their school devices? How do they keep in touch with friends? Are you worried about content, or about their communication, or about not moderating their time?

The school seems to have blocked a lot. I haven't seen much happening on the mcps devices but school stuff.
They text their friends on their watches. They both have messenger kids on the shared iPad and that's how they communicate also. The texting is mainly about when/where they are going to meet up (in person). Sometimes they do hw together on FaceTime (on the iPad).
They aren't popular but each has a group of close friends. Their closest friends also don't have social media so that probably helps.
I am worried about content and how they regulate their time. One is very self controlled but the other would be on the phone all day if she had one.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so interesting to me that so many ppl are asking or saying that a kids social life will suffer. Don't kids live anywhere near their friends anymore?? Can't they see each other in person?

You clearly don't know that kids socialize in a very different way than we did 30 years ago.

I know that they socialize differently and I don't think it's all that great.

That's irrelevant. Their social life will suffer in HS if they have no way of communicating with their friends over the phone.

+1

Nearly all plans are made via text. If they don’t have a phone, how would their friends even reach them? Do you have a landline? Or expect their friends to call/text you and leave a message? There was a kid or two like that in middle school, but I just don’t see how this would work for a high schooler.

Beyond that, mine use their phones to check grades & get into Google classroom, etc. on the fly. They also use their phones for extracurriculars- for example, my freshman DS uses it for his sport- practice and game schedules are in an app (along with special instructions sometimes- “wear the blue jersey today” “meet in the weight room today instead of the field” “practice will end early today at 4:00”) and so on. These changes are often last minute and I don’t even know how he would find the info without a phone.

I also need them to have phones to keep in touch for rides etc from sports and other extracurriculars and outings. To attend sporting events at our school- like an high school football game for example- all (including kids/students attending) must purchase and show an electronic ticket. No alternative (this one surprised me). They wouldn’t even be able to attend a HS football game with friends, without a phone…

In high school, everything is setup assuming all kids have a phone. It is reality, whether we like it or not…

Sorry if this wasn't clear. My kids have apple watches with cell service. They can text just fine and make phone calls. I can also track them.

-OP