Has anyone successfully avoided giving their *high school* kids smart phones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how is their self-restraint on their school devices? How do they keep in touch with friends? Are you worried about content, or about their communication, or about not moderating their time?

I think this is so key, a kid who has trouble shutting off video games or getting distracted by YouTube is not going to have an easy time with the phone. I think some of it can be top, but a lot of it is just nature.

[Anonymous]

My kid has an iphone but because we waited she is much less dependent on it than her friends. She is only allowed 45 on apps.

[Anonymous]

Many high school classes require kids to use phones to turn in assignments and answer polls in class. My kid says about half the time she needs one in class to complete a task of whatever. Your kid better be comfortable with one by the time that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

My fear is the obvious dangers of social media and the internet, but also I don't want my kid stuck behind screens all the time. Also, the more devices the less they have to socialize in person. I can't recreate my childhood, but I'm hoping to give them a little of it.

But if everyone else has a phone who are they going to be socializing with, and how are they making plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so interesting to me that so many ppl are asking or saying that a kids social life will suffer. Don't kids live anywhere near their friends anymore?? Can't they see each other in person?

You clearly don't know that kids socialize in a very different way than we did 30 years ago.

I know that they socialize differently and I don't think it's all that great.

That's irrelevant. Their social life will suffer in HS if they have no way of communicating with their friends over the phone.

+1

Nearly all plans are made via text. If they don’t have a phone, how would their friends even reach them? Do you have a landline? Or expect their friends to call/text you and leave a message? There was a kid or two like that in middle school, but I just don’t see how this would work for a high schooler.

Beyond that, mine use their phones to check grades & get into Google classroom, etc. on the fly. They also use their phones for extracurriculars- for example, my freshman DS uses it for his sport- practice and game schedules are in an app (along with special instructions sometimes- “wear the blue jersey today” “meet in the weight room today instead of the field” “practice will end early today at 4:00”) and so on. These changes are often last minute and I don’t even know how he would find the info without a phone.

I also need them to have phones to keep in touch for rides etc from sports and other extracurriculars and outings. To attend sporting events at our school- like an high school football game for example- all (including kids/students attending) must purchase and show an electronic ticket. No alternative (this one surprised me). They wouldn’t even be able to attend a HS football game with friends, without a phone…

In high school, everything is setup assuming all kids have a phone. It is reality, whether we like it or not…

Sorry if this wasn't clear. My kids have apple watches with cell service. They can text just fine and make phone calls. I can also track them.

-OP

Those Apple Watches are going to be useless for turning in assignments and participating in class.

Unless your high school is unusually non- phone-dependent, they need a smart phone and they need to know how to use it well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so interesting to me that so many ppl are asking or saying that a kids social life will suffer. Don't kids live anywhere near their friends anymore?? Can't they see each other in person?

You clearly don't know that kids socialize in a very different way than we did 30 years ago.

I know that they socialize differently and I don't think it's all that great.

That's irrelevant. Their social life will suffer in HS if they have no way of communicating with their friends over the phone.

+1

Nearly all plans are made via text. If they don’t have a phone, how would their friends even reach them? Do you have a landline? Or expect their friends to call/text you and leave a message? There was a kid or two like that in middle school, but I just don’t see how this would work for a high schooler.

Beyond that, mine use their phones to check grades & get into Google classroom, etc. on the fly. They also use their phones for extracurriculars- for example, my freshman DS uses it for his sport- practice and game schedules are in an app (along with special instructions sometimes- “wear the blue jersey today” “meet in the weight room today instead of the field” “practice will end early today at 4:00”) and so on. These changes are often last minute and I don’t even know how he would find the info without a phone.

I also need them to have phones to keep in touch for rides etc from sports and other extracurriculars and outings. To attend sporting events at our school- like an high school football game for example- all (including kids/students attending) must purchase and show an electronic ticket. No alternative (this one surprised me). They wouldn’t even be able to attend a HS football game with friends, without a phone…

In high school, everything is setup assuming all kids have a phone. It is reality, whether we like it or not…

Sorry if this wasn't clear. My kids have apple watches with cell service. They can text just fine and make phone calls. I can also track them.

-OP

Those Apple Watches are going to be useless for turning in assignments and participating in class.

Unless your high school is unusually non- phone-dependent, they need a smart phone and they need to know how to use it well.

If they have their chrome books, why do they need phones? They take their chrome books to school everyday now. They turn in things electronically for the most part. I am seriously asking. -OP

[Anonymous]

No more chrome books in high school. It’s full on laptop, which they use to turn assignments in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so interesting to me that so many ppl are asking or saying that a kids social life will suffer. Don't kids live anywhere near their friends anymore?? Can't they see each other in person?

You clearly don't know that kids socialize in a very different way than we did 30 years ago.

I know that they socialize differently and I don't think it's all that great.

That's irrelevant. Their social life will suffer in HS if they have no way of communicating with their friends over the phone.

+1

Nearly all plans are made via text. If they don’t have a phone, how would their friends even reach them? Do you have a landline? Or expect their friends to call/text you and leave a message? There was a kid or two like that in middle school, but I just don’t see how this would work for a high schooler.

Beyond that, mine use their phones to check grades & get into Google classroom, etc. on the fly. They also use their phones for extracurriculars- for example, my freshman DS uses it for his sport- practice and game schedules are in an app (along with special instructions sometimes- “wear the blue jersey today” “meet in the weight room today instead of the field” “practice will end early today at 4:00”) and so on. These changes are often last minute and I don’t even know how he would find the info without a phone.

I also need them to have phones to keep in touch for rides etc from sports and other extracurriculars and outings. To attend sporting events at our school- like an high school football game for example- all (including kids/students attending) must purchase and show an electronic ticket. No alternative (this one surprised me). They wouldn’t even be able to attend a HS football game with friends, without a phone…

In high school, everything is setup assuming all kids have a phone. It is reality, whether we like it or not…

Sorry if this wasn't clear. My kids have apple watches with cell service. They can text just fine and make phone calls. I can also track them.

-OP

Those Apple Watches are going to be useless for turning in assignments and participating in class.

Unless your high school is unusually non- phone-dependent, they need a smart phone and they need to know how to use it well.

If they have their chrome books, why do they need phones? They take their chrome books to school everyday now. They turn in things electronically for the most part. I am seriously asking. -OP

Have you read the posts about how admission to football/basketball games, the drama productions, etc. are now done by app?
Is it that you think your kid will never want to go to these things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

My fear is the obvious dangers of social media and the internet, but also I don't want my kid stuck behind screens all the time. Also, the more devices the less they have to socialize in person. I can't recreate my childhood, but I'm hoping to give them a little of it.

But if everyone else has a phone who are they going to be socializing with, and how are they making plans?

Are there really no teenagers left who lead mainly real/non-virtual lives? Who can make plans by call/text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

My fear is the obvious dangers of social media and the internet, but also I don't want my kid stuck behind screens all the time. Also, the more devices the less they have to socialize in person. I can't recreate my childhood, but I'm hoping to give them a little of it.

But if everyone else has a phone who are they going to be socializing with, and how are they making plans?

Are there really no teenagers left who lead mainly real/non-virtual lives? Who can make plans by call/text?

I’m guessing very few. Times are changing. Don’t get left behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how is their self-restraint on their school devices? How do they keep in touch with friends? Are you worried about content, or about their communication, or about not moderating their time?

The school seems to have blocked a lot. I haven't seen much happening on the mcps devices but school stuff.
They text their friends on their watches. They both have messenger kids on the shared iPad and that's how they communicate also. The texting is mainly about when/where they are going to meet up (in person). Sometimes they do hw together on FaceTime (on the iPad).
They aren't popular but each has a group of close friends. Their closest friends also don't have social media so that probably helps.
I am worried about content and how they regulate their time. One is very self controlled but the other would be on the phone all day if she had one.

-OP

It’s really easy to just set up app limits on the phone OP. My kids have limited access to their apps and once they’ve used it up they gray out and don’t work. They have to ask me for more time. They also have an overall downtime each evening where the phone essentially goes to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

My fear is the obvious dangers of social media and the internet, but also I don't want my kid stuck behind screens all the time. Also, the more devices the less they have to socialize in person. I can't recreate my childhood, but I'm hoping to give them a little of it.

But if everyone else has a phone who are they going to be socializing with, and how are they making plans?

Are there really no teenagers left who lead mainly real/non-virtual lives? Who can make plans by call/text?

So the TL;DR of this thread is:
Many parents of actual current teens/high schoolers have told you the reality of what things are like now. Many parents of elementary/middle school kids have expressed disbelief/denial that their kids will participate in reality.

[Anonymous]

Your children will need phones in high school. They check their dashboard on it, among other things. HS kids' social lives are on their phones, for better and for worse. Do you want your kids to have a social life? Do you really want to put them on the back foot socially?

Also, their phones are how they let you know they need a ride home. A 16-year-old is much more mobile and on the go. Your kid might be at a school event until nearly midnight in some cases (away games, etc.)

Your kid might go on a school trip out of state (Florida, etc.). Do you really want your kid not to have a phone to text you that they got left behind at a gas station in South Carolina? And now kid is calling you collect from a pay phone?

I wouldn't want that, but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Most of my 9th graders official school activities use Instagram for all communications. By high school I can’t imagine a kid not having a smart phone.

My fear is the obvious dangers of social media and the internet, but also I don't want my kid stuck behind screens all the time. Also, the more devices the less they have to socialize in person. I can't recreate my childhood, but I'm hoping to give them a little of it.

But if everyone else has a phone who are they going to be socializing with, and how are they making plans?

Are there really no teenagers left who lead mainly real/non-virtual lives? Who can make plans by call/text?

So the TL;DR of this thread is:
Many parents of actual current teens/high schoolers have told you the reality of what things are like now. Many parents of elementary/middle school kids have expressed disbelief/denial that their kids will participate in reality.

Yeah, it seems like an overcorrection to being scared of the pitfalls of social media/tech. It’s just reality that teens have phones. Set limits if you want, but not allowing a phone is pretty extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to socially cripple your kids, good luck.

+1 unfortunately.

Even having an android phone rather than an iphone can be a social life killer. My DC had an android and was left out of all the imessage group chats. They said it was a pain to keep adding the android phone. DC got an iphone and started being included in group chats which included last minute plans.

This is how kids now plan. We used to use regular phones. They use smart phones. The only way I can see a HS not having to need a smart phone for making plans is if none of their social circle uses the smart phones, either.